


Symbiosis

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: BDSM, M/M, Reunions, whats in your suitcase
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 75,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: John has interesting things in his suitcase.Things that will change Roger`s world forever.
Relationships: John Taylor/Roger Taylor (Duran Duran)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Reunion era.
> 
> I never thought it would be so much fun to write something completely different.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy reading just as much.
> 
> Feedback welcome.
> 
> English is not my mother tongue, no beta.

London, May 2001

Roger didn't think for a second, he just stormed off and threw himself into John's wide open arms.  
They clung together sobbing, without caring about the other people who poured into the arrivals hall of the airport, bumping into them, some scolding like a dozen drunken sailors.

_God, he`s tall. Has he always been that tall or did I shrink with age?_

John stepped back, still holding him at arm-length.   
“Fuck, Rog! Looking good, buddy! Despite the divorce... oh gee, I'm sorry.”

“Well, Johnny, the same goes for you. Let me take your luggage, beanpole.”

“I can carry my stuff, tiny tot. Oh man, it`s so good to see you!”

“I didn't believe you were really coming until you walked through that door. At least let me take your bass, you stubborn bastard.”

“I love you, too!” John placed a smacking kiss on Roger's crown and put an arm around his shoulder.  
Together they went down to the parking garage.

“Mercedes, still! You're such a square, Roger Taylor.”

“This is a very nice car, Nigel, isn't it? Would you like to drive?”

“Seriously? You would let me?”

“Sure. I know you're a good driver when you're not drunk or high. None of which seems to be the case.”  
He threw John the keys after he put the luggage in the trunk.

They didn't talk until John got on the motorway.

“Do you want to talk about your divorce?,” the taller man asked.

“No. You want to talk about yours?”

“Negative.”

“But otherwise you're okay, John, right? I mean...”

“I know what you mean. I'm okay. I didn't start drinking again because Gela left me. I'm still clean.”

“Good. Soooo, we`re ready for a restart, huh?”

“I guess so. You don`t mind having me over, do you? Nick thought it`s a brilliant idea to stay at your place, you know, getting to know each other again and such.”

“I think Nick is absolutely right. Fuck, John! Are we really doing this?”

“Looks like it. Honestly, Joe Travers isn`t a very good drummer, huh?”

“And Wes is a lousy bassist.” 

“Nothing and nobody beats the one true rhythm section.”

“Amen!” 

They smiled at each other and fell into comradely silence.

“I can't do that, Nick.” Roger shook his head, not bothering about the fact that Nick couldn`t see it through the phone.

“I'm worried about him, Roger. I need you to check, please. You don't keep liquor in the house, do you?”

“Of course not. The neighbours are having a party with my leftovers. But I'm not going through his stuff, Nick!”

“He may not let it show, but this thing with Gela is killing him. I know him, Rog. If he's ever been at high risk of a relapse in the last few years, it's now. Please! Look in his suitcase while he's still in the bathroom.”

“I'm not discussing this, Nicholas. I won't pry into his private things. Period.” He hung up on his bandmate. Well , his former bandmate. His soon-to-be-again bandmate, whatever.

Funny enough he felt the need for a drink.

What the hell was John doing in the bathroom so long?  
What if Nick was right? What if John was just sitting on the toilet getting drunk?  
Jesus Christ, no!   
He wouldn't do that.  
Not after being clean so long.

_You started drinking when Gio left_

“Oh, shut up!” Roger hissed to his inner voice.

John looked very tired the next morning. Tired and sad. He stared into the rain, sighing.  
“Man, I surely didn`t miss the English weather.”

“Quit whining, tubby. I baked scones especially for you. Eat! You're way too skinny.”

“You're not my mother, Roger! I'm going outside for a bit.”  
“It`s raining!”

“No shit! See you later.”

Oh, great! And last night had been so wonderful. Just like old times.   
Like old times, only without cigarettes. No alcohol, of course. And no diabolical white powder.  
Just John and him. Music. Conversations.   
They'd hooked up without a hitch.  
Now this.   
Fine.

Roger cleaned the kitchen, then the living room.  
When John was still not back after more than two hours, he started to get seriously worried.  
Should he call Nick?  
No, that would be kind of a betrayal, wouldn't it?   
Besides, what would Nick do?   
He was on the Pop-trash tour with Simon and the three others.  
If John wanted to go for a walk in the rain for two hours, why not? Maybe it did him good.  
What if he did bring alcohol?  
Anyway, he hadn't taken anything outside.  
Of course he was sad. His marriage had broken up. Anyone would be sad. 

It had taken Roger himself almost two years to come to terms with it.

_Oh yes, man! And you got drunk as a skunk for a while._

Roger stood in front of the guestroom door when the doorbell rang.  
Almost. He almost did. Rifling through John's things.  
Damn it.

He went to open the door and let in a soaking wet John, and he could have sworn that this sad face was not only wet with raindrops.

“You're an idiot, John. Get out of those wet clothes and I'll run you a hot bath.”

“I need to talk to you, Roger. I've got to talk to somebody, or I'll go crazy.”

“We'll talk, later. Get undressed. Leave the clothes here, I'll throw them in the washing machine when you're in the tub.”

Half an hour later, when John sat in that tub, Roger brought two steaming tea mugs into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat.   
“Now talk!”  
“I'm scared.”  
“Of what?”  
“Oh, so many things. That you no longer like me when I tell you, for example. That you don't understand.”

“I'm your friend, John. I've missed you terribly and I'm incredibly glad you're back. Nothing, absolutely nothing you could say to me would change that.”

“Did Nick ask you to go through my stuff?” 

“Yes.”  
It made absolutely no sense to deny it.

“So, did you do it?”

“Almost. I was standing outside your door when you rang. Would I have found alcohol or drugs if I had looked?”

“No, none of that. But you would have found things that would probably surprise you. Things that would change the way you look at me forever.”

“ What is it? You secretly wear women's clothes? I'm sure your long legs would look lovely in a skirt.”  
“Go and see.”

“John…”

“Please. Clean out my suitcase. See what's in it. And then I'm gonna get a hotel room. I guess reunion's not gonna happen either. But I want to confide in someone, Roger. This secret ruined my marriage.”

“Congratulations, Nigel, now I'm scared too. What's in your suitcase? A bloody axe? A chainsaw? Are you a wanted mass murderer?"

“The other me is in there, Roger. The part of me that scares me and fills me with longing in equal measure.”  
Oh, well! That sounded kind of familiar. Maybe he should show John the shed.  
“John, why don't you just tell me?”  
“I don't know how to start. I've never told anybody this before, except, of course... never mind. It'd be easier if you checked. And if you still want to talk after that...”

“Okay. All right. I'll check it out.”

With a strange feeling in his stomach Roger pulled open the zipper of the big suitcase.  
Jeans. Shirts. More jeans. Lots of hats. What was it with John and those weird woolly hats?  
Oh. Leather pants! John always had a thing for leather pants, and Roger had always had a thing for John in leather pants.  
At the bottom, buried under all these clothes, were some very familiar things.

“What the…” 

_That`s a joke! Can`t be. Not John._

He stared for minutes at the things he had spread out on the floor before him.  
John's other self.  
Leather cuffs. Two sets, for ankles and wrists.  
A broad leather collar.  
A wooden paddle.  
A flogger.  
A noble narrow wooden box whose contents Roger knew without opening it. No doubt there was a dildo in it, a slightly curved one, to stimulate the prostate.  
Steel handcuffs.

Roger would have laughed out loud if it wasn't for those two DVDs.  
Men in chains.  
In the Master`s dungeon.  
That John had SM porn was not surprising after such a meaningful assortment.  
What shook Roger to his core was the fact that it was gay porn.  
Bloody hell!   
John was ever so right.  
That did indeed change his view of John. Forever.

Roger took a shivering breath. Somehow he had completely forgotten to breathe.  
This was clearly more than he could handle. It was too good to be true.  
Oh, yes, fucking hell. They had to talk.  
But first he had to think. And breathe. Remember to breathe.

On shaky legs he went back to the bathroom.  
No way he could go in there now.   
“John? I'm just going outside for a smoke. You still in the tub?”  
“Getting dressed.” John sounded frightened, insecure.  
“Good. Wait for me in the living room. I'll be there in five minutes.”

If only he knew what John needed right now. The old friend?   
Or would John's other self be delighted to meet Roger's other self?   
Would they fit together just as well in this respect?  
That was insane. Unbelievable.  
Anyway, it would be a very exciting day.

John sat on the couch, staring at his really large feet when Roger came in.  
Somewhere between the front garden and the living room door Roger had made a decision.  
He would just do what he always did. Watch. Find out. React.  
But first he had to know something.  
He put the leather collar on the small table in front of John.  
“Did someone put this on you? Was it a gift? Does the other John belong to anyone?”

Well, that was definitely not the reaction the bassist had expected.  
His eyes flew from his shoes to Roger and back as his cheeks flushed with a lovely shade of pink.  
Goodness, wasn`t that man adorable?

“Look at me, John. Tell me, do you have a Master, a Dom, whatever title you prefer. Is there a man who has the right to put this collar on you? Maybe things are different in LA, but I respect the importance of a collar and don't want to get stressed with another Dominant.”

“Another…Are you kidding me, Roger?”

“Honestly, for a moment I thought you were fucking with me, John Taylor. You always had a very peculiar sense of humour. I thought maybe someone recognized me. Just suppose someone told you they saw me in one of the clubs I go to every now and then.”

“Clubs?”

“You know. Leather. Whips. Subs kneeling on the floor and evil looking Doms with big egos. I can make a very mean face. I have to compensate for my small size, you know? Anyway, before we go any further, I need to know if you belong to someone.”

“No kidding? Are you telling me you're like me?”

“No, John, I am definitely not like you. But to be like me, I need someone who is like you. I confess, I am hardly able to deal with what you have just revealed to me, but I understand you. I understand you better than you ever thought I would. We play the same game, John. We're just on different teams. And it may be hard for you to imagine that your shy little ex-band mate likes to beat up men, but believe me, the realization that my old friend Nigel is into gay SM is no less surprising. So would you please tell me now if I have to expect that there will be some huge guy in front of the door who wants you back because you are his exclusive sub or something?”

John swallowed hard.   
Again.  
Aaaaand again.

“You're actually serious about this, aren't you?” 

“Oh yes, I am.”

“I..God…that`s…I don`t know what to say! This is pretty much the last thing I expected. You…with men. And…wow.”

John looked at his shoes again as if they were the most exciting thing in the world.

Roger had to grin a little.

“Out with it, beanpole! Is there a man in your life?”

“Negative. What about you?”

“Two playmates I rarely ever see. Nothing serious.” He plopped on the couch next to John. “This is totally surreal, right? Which DVD is better, men in chains or the dungeon?”

“Honestly, both suck, but I have a small weakness for one of the actors.”

“Aha.”

“Roger?” 

“Hm?”

“Can we please go make music?”  
Almost three hours later a very sweaty John put his bass down, beaming all over. 

Roger dropped his sticks, grabbing a towel.

 _That was great. My God. I never realized how much I missed it until now._

“That was great, right? We still got it, I'd say!” John smiled that beautiful smile again, and that sight made Roger almost happier than the music did.

“Definitely! Come on, Nigel, We'll hop in the shower, then grab a bite to eat. Should I cook or are we going out?”

“Let's cook together. I like cooking. Do we have to go shopping first?”

“I've already done that. Nick told me what you like.”

Roger was the first down in the kitchen, hair still wet from the shower.  
He went through the cupboards and the fridge.   
That John was a vegetarian didn't make cooking any easier, but he had already worked out a few recipes.

He almost dropped the rice when John walked in.

Jesus.

Leather pants.  
Barefoot.  
White cotton shirt unbuttoned to the navel.

_Fuck. Trigger warning. Oh my! Is he doing it on purpose?_

“So, what are we cooking?”

“Asian stew with brown rice. Nice pants, Nigel.”

“You like leather?” John blushed adorably.

“I like leather on you, I think. Always have.”

For a while they stood side by side in silence and chopped vegetables.  
A well-coordinated team.  
They both ignored the big elephant in the room until the stew on the stove was bubbling nicely, filling the kitchen with an exotic smell.  
John's stomach growled loud.  
“See? I told you to eat properly!” Roger chuckled.

“Yes, mom! Is that how you talk to your... uh… subs?”

“No need to tell them to eat, John. Besides, I have no say in their lives. We just meet to play.”  
“And what do you do when you play?”

“It depends on which one of them I'm seeing. Danny is more into pain, not submissive at all, while Jonah…oh fuck! I have to call Jonah. He opens his salon today and I forgot to tell him I can't come!”

“So you're friends too, yeah? I mean, you also see each other outside of your... how shall I say, roles?”

“Jonah was actually my hairdresser, that`s how we first met. I've been keeping my distance lately, I think he wants more from me than I'm willing to give. But today is an important day for him and I should at least call.”

“He opens his own business?”

“Tonight. Big opening party.”

“What if we went together? I confess, I'm terribly curious. Will Danny be there?”

Man, that was weird. 

Never in his life did he think he'd bring John here with him.

Well, it wasn't like an S&M club or anything.   
But Jonah's clientele consisted largely of members of the gay scene.   
And John looked ravishing. If anyone found out he was in on it, the Doms would fight over him. 

“John, would you mind closing a few buttons? It's full of gay men in there. 90 percent out of the SM-scene. I don't want to spend all evening keeping drooling Doms away from you. Unless, of course, you wouldn't mind meeting someone.”

“I don't have much experience yet, and I'm getting a little scared. Please stay by my side, okay?”

“No one's coming for you, John. I'm just kidding. No one knows you're gay, let alone that other thing.”  
 _Shit. I'm jealous. I don't want other men drooling over John. Especially not Doms._

They got out of the car and walked towards the open glass door, welcomed by music and laughter.  
Some men stood outside and smoked.  
Roger spotted Danny immediately.  
Well then, that`s gonna be funny.

The older man waved, smiling broadly.  
“Rog! You made it. Jonah will be happy. I thought you said you had company.”  
“I have. John, this is Danny, Danny, John.”  
“Oh my bloody fucking…John! The famous John! Wow.”

John stared open-mouthed at Danny.   
Well, Danny was, without a doubt, a very imposing figure.  
Almost seven feet tall, long silver-grey hair and a well-groomed full beard.  
He could have been a good actor in a pirate movie.  
Maybe he preferred a bloodthirsty Highland drama, because he came from Edinburgh.

“So, uh…Danny. Wow. You're not exactly what I pictured, to be honest.” Nigel said, all stunned.  
“Oh.” Danny grinned. “So he told you about me, aye? I feel flattered. What exactly did Roger tell you?”

“Not much. That you're seeing each other now and then. That you... uh... well.”

“He knows, Danny. He doesn't know details, but he knows. You two talk a little bit. I'm gonna go find Jonah and give him his present.”   
Danny's company might do John some good, Roger thought. Perhaps they were alike.  
Or Johnny was more like Jonah.   
He'd find out.

“I bet it's not the gift he's hoping for, Rog, right?” Danny winked.

“I`m afraid it indeed isn`t.”

“Does your friend know about Jonah or do I have to watch what I say?”

“You will not speak ill of Jonah, Daniel McKenzie!”

“Oh please! Of course not. I just wanted to know if John knows that Jonah is madly in love with you.”

“He isn`t…you know what, Daniel? This is neither the time nor the place to discuss this with you. Take care of John, will you?”

Searching for Jonah, Roger began to wonder why he had not simply taken John with him. Eventually he wanted to introduce the two of them to each other. 

But the fact was, he was a little uncomfortable about it.

Of course, Danny was right. Jonah really was in love with him. That wasn't good. Roger did not return those feelings, and he had made that clear to Jonah.  
But Jonah would notice.   
He would know that there was something between him and John.

Roger stopped dead in his tracks.  
Was it really like that? Was there something between them?  
Was it more than the old familiarity?  
There it was again, that thought.  
Would they fit together just as well in that respect?

“Roger! How beautiful you came!”

Oh well, looks like he found Jonah, huh?  
Or rather, Jonah had found him.

“I'll get you a glass of champagne. Or would you prefer a beer? What do you think of the salon? Isn't it great? God, I was so afraid it wouldn't be ready in time, but I made it. I really did it!"

“No alcohol for me, thanks. I`m here with a friend who`s a dry alcoholic. He's not very well right now and it would be kind of disrespectful to drink in his presence, I think. Here, for the housewarming. If you call a business inauguration housewarming.”  
The radiant joy had completely disappeared when Jonah unwrapped the gift.

Well, a big box of the finest Belgian chocolates was not the most creative present, but at least Jonah was crazy about it.  
However, the man looked as if he would burst into tears at any moment.

“I don't know what you expected. I told you I can't give you what you want. I'm sorry, Jonah, I really am.”

“It`s fine. Hope springs eternal. It's nice of you to come, though.” Jonah`s big, baby blue eyes widened as he seemed to spot something behind Roger. “You`re here with a friend, you said? Is this friend named John Taylor, and is he talking to Daniel right now?”

Oh, thank goodness, wasn`t it just the perfect timing?

“John! Come over here. I want you to meet the owner of this wonderful salon.”  
And then John did something very strange.  
He wrapped his long arms around Roger's waist from behind and put his square chin on Roger's head.  
“Hey Jonah! Great place you have here.”  
It wasn't like John had never hugged him before. In fact, he had hugged him quite a bit.   
But this was different.   
This was a clearly possessive gesture that screamed *mine* out loud.  
And Jonah heard it perfectly well. So did Danny, according to the looks on their faces.

_What the hell got into him?_

“We better go now, John.” Roger said dangerously quiet.

Both Danny and Jonah knew this tone only too well.   
While Daniel grinned lewdly, Jonah looked like he'd just been punched in the stomach.  
“Oh. I see. Yeah, maybe you better go.”  
Roger grabbed John's wrist and dragged him along with him, out into the street.

“Well, I'd like to stay. Really interesting people. I like Danny!” 

“Shut up, John! What the fuck was that about?”

“What?”

“Please! You're not that naive! Everyone in there now thinks we're a couple.”

“Which of course would be completely ridiculous and totally absurd.”

Fuck. He looked exactly like Jonah. Disappointed and hurt.

“I just wanted to help you. With Jonah.”

“I'd like to handle this my own way, Nigel.”

“My own way is a really good, totally underrated song.”

Okay. Unfortunately, that was funny. Roger couldn't help but laugh out loud.

“Come on, beanpole, let's go home.”

“Sorry.” John muttered as they drove off.

“Why did you do that? And I would like an honest answer.”

“I don't know. maybe... so it's possible that maybe i was a little bit jealous of Jonah.”

“Why? Because you're like him?”

“You think I'm like him?”

“I don't know. How should I know? You certainly didn't seem jealous of Danny. So why Jonah?”

“Danny told me that he was hoping to wear your collar. To became exclusive. I don't think he's right for you.”

“Of course you can judge this very well after you have seen him for about 3 seconds. I never wanted Jonah the way he wanted me, and he knew that from the beginning. But that's no reason to ruin his big day. He didn't deserve that.”

“If you didn't want more from him and you knew that he was in love with you, why did you keep seeing him? That, Roger, I think is really cruel, and it's not like you at all.”  
Well, good old John had definitely nailed it.  
“He was almost perfect, John. I wish I could have fallen in love with him, but I know I couldn't have handled that subservience in the long run. He's a bit too obedient, if you know what I mean.  
There are people who like that. But I think it's kind of...”

“Boring?” Nigel suggested.

“Yeah, somehow.”

“Yet you continued to see him. Why?”

“Because he came damn close to what I wanted. And for the rest, I had Danny. That sounds really fucking shallow, doesn't it?”

“Sort of. May I ask you something? “

“Sure.”

“Do you have sex with them?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

Again, John Taylor looked just like Jonah.

He said good night as soon as they entered the house and disappeared into the guest room.

Roger felt incredibly bad.  
He needed to talk to someone, and there was only one person he could do it with.

“Danny? It`s me.”  
“Surprise, surprise! I was actually waiting for your call. Jonah has thrown everyone out.”

“Jesus! I`m such an asshole.”  
“I'd like to disagree with you, but you're a real asshole about that kid. Anyway, it's good that things are finally over. And now I'd like to know what's going on between you and this brilliant bass player.”

Roger told him. The whole story. Starting with John's call a few weeks ago, the meeting with Nick and Simon, the plans for a reunion, right down to the things in John's suitcase.

Daniel listened. That's what Roger appreciated about him. He didn't interrupt, he didn't make stupid comments, he just listened.  
He remained silent even after Roger had finished.

“Did you fall asleep, McKenzie?”

“Your other half.”

“Huh?”

“When you talk about John, you always call him your other half.”

“Musically speaking, Danny.”

“What if he really is your other half, Rog? If he's what you've been looking for so long. I know it's not me. Neither is Jonah. What if John is the perfect mix between me and the little guy? Roger, you don't really want a play date. We both know that. You want a real relationship, huh? The whole package.”

“But Johnny is my friend! And my bandmate, if this plan really works!”

“And you think if he is your friend and bandmate, he can' t be your sub and lover? That's stupid, Roger. Wouldn't it be a great thing to be able to share everything you care about with someone? With one person? The right person? Music is obviously not the only passion you have together. Besides, he's a damned attractive man and just your type.”

“I know nothing about him, Danny. I don't know what he likes, whether he's submissive or masochistic, I don't know anything.”

“Isn't that the really exciting part? Finding that out? You're good at this, you know? Every sub who's ever played with you says that, including me.”

“You're not a bit submissive, Daniel.”

“Still, you know exactly what and how much I can take. Thanks for that, by the way, I'll miss it. Challenge John. Leave it to him to go along with it. And I would like tickets for your first gig together. Good night, Roger Taylor.”

“Sleep well, Danny.”


	2. Chapter 2

Yet again Roger stood in front of the guestroom door.

Carefully he pushed the handle down and the door opened silently.

The room was all dark.   
John's calm breaths seemed supernaturally loud in the dark silence.   
Peaceful.

Roger stopped in the doorway and listened.   
What if Danny was right?  
What if the man who slept there so peacefully, his old friend, his musical other half, was exactly what he had always wanted?

Was he allowed to risk the friendship and the band`s future to find out exactly that?  
“Sleep well, Johnny angel,” he whispered.

Surprisingly, he had slept very well and felt fresh and rested like he hadn't in a long time.  
Maybe it was because he had made a plan before he went to bed.  
And right now he would start implementing this plan.  
Challenging John.

He shaved carefully, used a little more aftershave than usual and put on his leather pants for the first time in a while. With a simple, but very well fitting white cotton t-shirt.

Roger was certainly not cocky, but he knew he was in pretty good shape for a man over 40.  
Through the shirt you could at least guess his nipples and chest hair, and his muscular upper arms were well shown.  
The black, soft leather embraced his shapely legs.  
“Not bad, dude,” he chuckled, giving his reflection in the full-size-mirror a thumbs-up.

John still seemed to be asleep, which Roger was perfectly fine with.

He started the coffeemaker and made pancakes.  
With orange juice and maple syrup, it was what he called a perfect breakfast.   
Hopefully JT felt the same way.

John didn't respond to his knock, so he just walked in.

“Wake up, sleepyhead. Breakfast.”

John`s tousled head came up from the pillows and an adorable smile appeared on his attractive face.

 _Oh fuck! He`s sexy. He really is._

“Room service! How nice!”

“You didn't like the scones that much, so this time it's a little more American. Pancakes.”

“Oooh, I love you! Will you marry me?”

“Only if you're a good boy, Nigel. I have some very special preferences, you know?”  
John coughed embarrassed and blushed delightfully once again. This shade of pink really suited him well.  
“You're very pretty, John. But I'm sure you know that. Take your time. When you're finished, I'd like to show you something.”  
Roger gently stroked his tousled hair and then grabbed it firmly for a moment, pulling his head back.  
“So pretty,” he whispered.   
It was damn hard to just leave. Without looking back. But somehow he made it.   
Outside the room he leaned against the closed door and took a few deep breaths.  
Now it was John`s turn.

_Please! Let me do the right thing!_

It was about an hour later when a freshly showered bassist showed up in the kitchen.  
“Hey! You know, I had quite a few ideas and I really would like to jam a bit. Oh man, too bad that Simon and Nick can`t be here. Maybe we should give Andy a call, what do you think? That`d be great, huh? Jamming with Ands. Good old times, the Taylor three, you know. What do you actually think of the Pop Trash album? I think it's great, although of course it would have been even greater if you and I had played along. Joe's just not up to it, and Wes, well, I'm not bragging, but I'm better, don't you think?”

“Do you ever breathe, John?”

“The pancakes were perfect, thank you. Fluffy. How did you make them so fluffy? Is there a trick to it? A little inside tip? Mine never get that fluffy. Oh, look, it's not raining!”

Roger stood, crossed the short distance between them and pulled the taller man close.

“Calm down, Johnny angel. Breathe. Relax.”

“I can`t. I…what`s happening here, Roger?”

“Nothing happens here. Nothing you don't want to happen.”

“You make me so nervous. I can't think. I'm talking bullshit. Don't tell me nothing's happening here.”

“I make you nervous, John? Why is that?”

“You are so different! Damn, you're Roger. You're shy. You don't say much. And you're not fucking gay!"

“I am, John. I like men. I fuck men. I subdue men.”

“You're not supposed to fuck other men! God, I could puke just thinking about it! What do you see in that Jonah guy? He looks like a girl! He's tiny. That isn't a man, Roger. Don't tell me you like men when you fuck someone who looks like a girl!”

_Be cool, Roger Andrew. Don't raise your voice._

“But I can fuck Daniel, right? He's a big, strong man. With a beard. A real man.”

“You're not supposed to fuck anybody, you hear me? Nobody! I don't want that. I hate you for it! You're my friend, you can't fucking be a gay fucking Dom!”

_I should have paid more attention in psychology. At first, he tried to distract me with all that babbling. Now denial. What happens if I tease him a little?_

“John, either you calm down or I'll get the flogger out of your suitcase and show you what a fucking Dom I am!”

“Maybe that's what I want! Maybe that's all I can think about. Maybe all my dreams would come true if I didn't know that I'm just one of many, you asshole. You fuck Danny. You're fucking Jonah. I don't want to be another notch in your fucking bedpost!”

Roger almost laughed out loud.  
John, of all people, John sexiest man alive Taylor, Mister I dated every supermodel on this fucking planet, was talking about notches in bedposts?

_Concentrate on the first part. On what he said before *asshole*_

“Sit down, John.”  
“I prefer standing! I don't take orders from you. Who the hell do you think you are? You think just because you put on leather pants and smell damn good, I'm gonna get down on my knees for you?”

“I said sit down, John. I did not order you to get on your knees. I would never do that. Either you do it because you want to and you feel it, or you don't. Would you please sit, John?”

“I wish I hadn't told you!”

“Actually, you haven't told me anything. Not a word. And I think we should change that. We should tell us who we are. Sit down. Please.”

John swallowed hard a few times, Adam`s apple bobbing, then he licked his lips.

_Holy mother of God! I can't stop imagining John on his knees. He shouldn`t have said this! I can`t concentrate. I NEED to concentrate._

“Funny. You`re right. I told you absolutely nothing.” Nigel said quietly.   
He dropped himself on a chair and buried his face in his beautiful, big, slender hands.

Roger pulled up a second chair and placed it right in front of John's, so close that their knees touched when he sat down.  
“That`s so embarrassing! God, I`m ashamed. I don't know, fuck, man, you confuse me so much! Can't we go back to the way things were?”

“I don't think we can, Johnny angel.” He gently pulled John's hands away from that pretty face and kept them in his.

“Once we were a team.” John sighed, avoiding eye-contact.

“The best team ever. And we still are a team.” 

“We are not! You said it yourself. Same game, different teams.”  
“Did you know I play bass? Not as well as you, of course.  
If we were to go jamming now and both play bass, that wouldn't make any sense at all, would it?   
We`re the rhythm section because you play bass and I play drums. It needs a drummer and a bassist.  
We complement each other, right? There is something, John. You feel it too. Otherwise you wouldn't be jealous of Jonah. Otherwise you wouldn't be so freaked out right now.”

“I feel stupid, Roger. I told you, I don`t have much experience. I wanted to confide in a good friend.  
You. You were always so calm and level-headed, and I thought if I could tell anyone, apart from Nick, it was you. And then it turns out that you are an experienced Dom. One with two subs, lecturing me about the importance of a collar.  
And then there's this little toad that's so in love with you and Danny tells me that he wants to wear your collar and...you are fucking with them.  
You fuck two men. Just like that. As if it doesn`t mean anything. As if it`s a sport or something. A game. Like ping-pong. A funny little pastime.  
And I don't want that, Roger. I am still shocked by what these few experiences have done to me, it went so deep, you know? It scared me. It still scares me. But it was also the most beautiful, intense, wonderful thing I've ever felt.  
Have you ever been skydiving?   
You're on a plane, and you're scared shitless. And then you just jump out.  
You think for a moment that you're gonna die. Your stomach turns. Then the parachute opens, you're pulled up. And then everything becomes peaceful.  
You're floating, and you know you're being held. You feel weightless, disembodied, you just _be!_ It`s wonderful.  
But it was nothing compared to what I felt when this thing with Vince happened. He`s a friend of my ex-wife. We'd met a few times, but I didn't know him any closer.  
He seemed nice, somehow typical gay, you know, well-dressed. Well-groomed. A wee bit poofy.   
One day Gela asked me to bring him some important papers. I drove to his house, no one opened when I rang, I went to the backyard. And there was the oh so nice groomed, friendly Vince, whipping his boyfriend. I should have just left, but I couldn't. I just stood there and watched. He saw me, but he kept going anyway. He even smiled at me. It was like something inside of me just silently slipped into place.  
Ever since I can remember, Roger, there's always been an empty space. Inside of me. Like a little black hole. I was trying to plug this hole. For decades. With music. With drugs, with alcohol. And with lots of sex. It was like a painful, unfulfilled yearning that just didn't go away. It drove me crazy. What the hell was I longing for? I had everything anybody could possibly want. I was finally clean, I had a wonderful daughter, lots of money, a beautiful house, a sports car collection, all that. And with Gela I thought I had found the one to get old and grey with.   
But there, that sunny afternoon in LA, when Vince smiled at me... it was earth-shattering, Roger.  
It came out of nowhere, and it scared the shit out of me, but I jumped. I jumped out of the plane. Without a parachute.  
I just took my clothes off and stood next to Dave. I didn't even know his name was Dave. And he smiled at me, too. It was so easy, it felt so right.  
I flew. All the way up, the best rush of my life.  
Afterwards I was horrified at myself. Vince and Dave held me, both of them. They let me cry, they were just there. At some point I collected my things and ran to the car, naked, with my clothes under my arm. What had I done?   
I was shaking so much that I couldn't turn the ignition key, which was probably a good thing.  
Suddenly Dave was sitting next to me. He brought me into the house.   
Vince called Gela's and told her they invited me to dinner. We talked for hours once I was able to speak. They told me about their relationship, Dom, sub, all that. And the more they told me, the more I understood that this was what I wanted. I didn't think about the consequences.  
I didn't think anything would ever be the same again. That I'd have an ugly divorce battle with Gela. That someone would try to take Atlanta away from me. That everyone I thought was my friend would turn their backs on me. Only Vince and Dave were there for me and they still are.  
And my great lawyer, who made sure that none of this made it to the press.  
I was so lonely, Roger. I felt like a sick, twisted pig. I almost started drinking again, so I did what I always do. I called Nick and told him everything. And Nick said, "Come back to England, Nigel. Let's get back together and play music.” He also told me to call you and I could certainly stay with you until I found my own place. I called him last night. I asked him how he knew .That you were gay and dominant. He said he wasn't sure, it was just a rumour that he picked up somewhere a long time ago. That he hadn't thought about it until I called him.”

Roger felt slightly dizzy from all this information. A lot of things made sense now, others raised questions.

But that wasn't important now.

John was important. 

The incredibly brave, wonderful, perfect John.

“You're not alone, John. I promise you, you'll never be alone again.”

“You can't promise that, Roger. No one can.”

“I'm not talking about you and me, John. Although I'm convinced that we'd be perfect for each other.

I mean friends. People who won't turn their backs on you. You have Nick. And you'll make other friends. Like-minded people. There are a lot of idiots in this scene, but there are also real jewels.  
People I would trust with my life. We help each other.”

“Yeah, or you can fuck each other.”

“Stop it, John. You want to hear my story or not?”

John nodded, biting his lower lip.

“Ok. I'll be brief about the background, because I want to tell you mainly about Jonah and Danny.  
You already know that Gio and I divorced eight years ago. There was no particular reason, we just didn't have much left to say to each other, had drifted apart.  
I felt pretty bad afterwards, like a loser.   
For the first time in my life I was lonely. I couldn't find any meaning in my life anymore, couldn't find anything that excited me. Except whisky.  
I realised I needed a change. So I went to London.  
I found a band and started making music again, things were looking up.

Five years ago, I fell madly in love with a man and I fought tooth and nail to stop it. His name was Anthony. We met in a pub at the bar. He recognised me, we talked, I went home with him and we had sex. As said, I fought it. I just couldn`t admit to myself that I was gay Then I went back to that pub and he was there again. It happened again. It went on for months. I went there, we talked, we had sex. Eventually, we admitted to ourselves in tears that we were in love with each other. and moved in with him.

In the beginning everything was wonderful, then he became more and more quiet, seemed to get out of my way. I thought he was seeing someone else, so I confronted him.  
He said he was submissive and told me that right across the street from the pub where we met was an SM club. That he had only been in this pub because there were many people going there who were also in this club. That people often met there to talk. The owner, Daniel, is one of them and it would give regulars' tables and rounds of talks and all that, around the topic. Then I came and he fell in love.  
He thought he could do without it. That it would be enough to love each other, but he missed it.   
He didn't tell me for a long time because he thought I'd leave.  
I was just relieved that he didn't have anyone else.  
We talked a lot, I read everything I could find. I loved Anthony and I wanted to make him happy, and if I had to put on leather pants and crack a whip to do it, so be it. I visited workshops, talked to many other Doms and subs and it started to fascinate me. Anthony was overjoyed and our relationship reached a depth that I had never thought possible.   
Two years after I moved in with him, he officially became my sub. Collar and all.  
We had a wonderful ceremony at the club, it was like a wedding.   
For a year we were absolutely happy. Well, I was, at least. Everything was perfect for me.  
Then he suddenly had more and more extreme desires.  
I don't want to talk about that, John. He wanted things that scared me to death, that I was disgusted by. Things I couldn't give him.   
Anyway, one day I came home after a band meeting and he was gone. His collar, for which I had the key, he had sawn open. It lay in pieces on our bed. Not a word of goodbye, nothing. I've been trying to find him for weeks. Many people from the club helped me, especially the owner of the pub, Danny, and Jonah.   
Anthony is still untraceable today.   
It broke my heart, Johnny. It was a hundred times worse than breaking up with Gio.  
I don't know what would have happened if it wasn't for Danny and Jonah.  
At that time, I vowed never again to let anyone come so close to me.  
I withdrew from the scene, concentrated on the music. However, I continued to visit Danny in his pub, and Jonah was also there often.  
Shortly after I bought this house here. I invited them over.  
We had a little too much to drink and Danny got awfully sentimental. Neither I nor Jonah had noticed how unhappy he was.  
He just couldn't find anyone, John. No one dared give this big, strong guy what he so desperately wanted. He just didn't fit in. A 6.5 feet tall masochist who wanted to be taken to his limits.  
Jonah had often seen me playing in the club with Anthony, and he knew that I was pretty good with the whip, with everything you can strike with, actually.   
So he suggested that Danny and I meet at the club for a flag session, which we did. And we were good together, Of course it wasn`t the same as with Anthony, but Danny and I enjoyed it, so we made it a regular thing.  
We became, like, celebrities, Danny and I. We always had a lot of spectators, and at some point other subs approached me, and Danny also got offers. We both began to play with others. No sex.  
Then, after a session that was particularly intense, we had never been so close to each other before, it just happened. Since then, we've had sex every now and then.

I don't know what you know about D/S relationships, Johnny. It's about a whole lot more than giving and taking pain. I missed that. And Jonah offered it to me. He knew Anthony and me, knew how we had lived. That we had a pretty strict 24/7 after he got my collar.  
We tried it together. It didn't work. My heart wasn't in it. But Jonah wouldn't let go. I never wanted to hurt him and I didn't want to lose him as a friend.   
Danny warned me weeks ago. I should never have had sex with Jonah. It was just one time. But after that, Jonah thought we were a couple. When I told him that we couldn`t meet any more, he thought I just needed time because of Anthony. The day before you arrived, Danny called me and told me that Jonah told everyone he was my sub and would soon be wearing my collar.  
Danny and I will always be friends, but we won't be playing together anymore. We cleared that up on the phone yesterday. Well, and, Jonah... I don't think we can be friends under these circumstances. Maybe, if he has someone again. Or I have someone.

So, there are three notches in my bedpost, to say it in your words. How many are in yours?”


	3. Chapter 3

“None at all.”

John spoke so softly that Roger was not sure if he had understood him correctly.

“You never had sex?”

“I had a whole lot of sex. With women. But never with men.  
Vince and Dave are a couple, they don't have sex with anyone else.  
They have a relationship like you and Anthony had, I think.  
Everything I know about it; I know because of them.  
And I read a lot too, of course. Two-three times I've been to a club with them, but my lawyer advised me against it. There was a man, Gareth, with whom I talked a lot in this club, and he wanted to meet me privately. But I was scared.

I was around Vince and Dave a lot, they let me watch a lot of things.  
And we had a few sessions together. But that's not what I want. I don't want to be a third wheel.  
I want what Dave and Vince have, what you and Anthony had.   
You know, you just saw that they love each other very much. They were also very tender with each other. Snuggled and kissed a lot. Did you do that with Anthony too?”

“Of course.”

“But you don't want it anymore? All this? You said you swore you wouldn't let anyone get that close to you again.”

“I'd like to try. With you.  
John, I'll be honest with you. I wanted to challenge you.  
Push a few buttons, see how you react. My goal was to show you the shed and just sort of seduce you. I'm good at this, you know? Finding out how far I can go. Figuring out which buttons to push. But these were all experienced subs. Or, as in Danny's case, experienced masochists who know their limitations.  
So I'm thinking maybe we should try a different approach. Tell me about the things in your suitcase. Not the DVDs. Why did you take those things? What do they mean to you?”

John took a shivering breath that made Roger`s heart melt.

_God! He really is a natural submissive. So beautiful._

What John then said was not at all what he expected.

“I'd rather just jump.”

_Wow! That`s brave. Okay, then. Think, Roger!_

He needed some distance, so he stood and leaned against the kitchen counter. 

John again looked very intensively at his shoes. His pretty lower lip trembled slightly.

_Is it fear or longing? A mix of both, probably._

“I won`t let you jump without a parachute. You know what a safe word is?”

“Uh-huh. Fender. My safe word is Fender.”

“Good. You're very brave, John. I like that. But you have to promise me you're gonna use that word if you're uncomfortable with anything, ok?”  
“I will.”

“I want you to go upstairs and get the flogger, paddle and leather cuffs. Would you do that for me, John?”  
John nodded and made a delightful sound. The chair tipped over when he jumped up.

Roger could hardly stifle a grin when the bassist practically ran out of the kitchen.

“Eager little thing, Nigel,” he chuckled once John was out of earshot.

He concentrated for a moment and tried to filter out what was important now from all the information John had given him.  
It wasn't much.   
He obviously liked pain.   
He had spoken of a whip, and that`s it.  
He seemed to know many things only by sight.  
That was difficult. But what was life without challenges?

He pulled the T-shirt over his head and carelessly threw it aside. Then he moved the chairs out of the way.

Shit! He had nothing to tie John down.   
All right, so the leather cuffs would just be decoration.  
Maybe they should have gone to the shed.  
But that would probably be too much to begin with. Maybe it would scare John.  
No, the kitchen was fine.  
With a little improvisation it would work.

Now it would show if Roger was really that good at reading people.  
For the first time since Anthony's departure, he felt the desire to really bring someone into submission.  
That was a little bit scary. But it was also exactly what he had missed.

What took John so long?  
He's not backing out, was he?

Roger counted silently to ten before he went to check on him.

_Oh, Jesus! That`s…goodness. Be cool! You just gotta be cool. You can do this._

John stood in the hallway and looked at his feet.   
His big, bare feet.   
He was completely naked except for the leather cuffs.  
The sight almost knocked Roger out. John Taylor in all his glory.  
Holy cow.  
Oh, fuck!

“You must really like your feet, huh? I can understand that, they are very beautiful feet. Still, it would be nice if you could look at me for a change.”

“Uh. I`m…could you...God! Help me, Roger. Please help me.”

In a split second he had John in his arms, stroked his back and whispered all kinds of stupid stuff.  
So much for coolness.  
John was too close. Way too close.  
That was John, goddamn it. John. Nigel. His other half.

“I'm with you, Johnny angel. I got you. You're so beautiful! Such a pretty, brave angel.”

Flogger and paddle fell to the floor as John wrapped his long, sinewy arms around him.  
A long fingered hand reached into Roger's hair and bent his head back.  
And then these pretty lips were on his.  
Just like that, John stole a kiss, and Roger melted like butter in the sun.

_You are lost, Roger Andrew. You are so lost._

His broken heart opened wide and let John in. All of a sudden Anthony was nothing more than a tiny scar right next to the one Gio left behind.  
John smiled coyly, licked his lips in that so well-known nervous manner and said:

“I think I'm ready now.”

With that, he went into the kitchen, leaving a slightly puzzled Roger behind.

The drummer chuckled as he picked up flogger and paddle.

_Adorable. So fucking adorable._

John apparently had a very quick grasp, because he had already bent over the table and spread his legs, palms flat on the table top.

“Is that good?” he asked quietly, looking back over his shoulder.

“That's perfect. Exactly how I imagined it. Still, there's something we need to talk about, Johnny.”

He stood at the other end of the table, opposite John, and also supported himself with his hands. Flogger and paddle lay between them.

“I think you're really brave and I like that you think along with me. But you must listen to me, John. I asked you to get these things. I didn't say anything about taking off your clothes or putting on the leather cuffs, right?”

“I thought…”

“You've done nothing wrong, John. We're only just getting to know each other in this regard, and I want to explain to you what's important to me, okay? When we start a play, a scene or session, whatever term you`re familiar with, then I would like to undress you. If I want you to wear anything on your body, be it leather cuffs, handcuffs or anything else, I will put these on you myself. Remember that for next time.”

“I'm sorry, Roger.”

“You couldn't have known. Now you know. Are you comfortable in this position? You can also put your upper body on the table if you like.”

“It's fine, thank you.”

“Good.”

Roger looked deep into John's eyes as he put one hand on the paddle. He ran his hand across the smooth, wooden surface. Very nice finish. Solid wood, no cheap china shit. Nice grip. Would fit the hand well.  
He watched his counterpart closely.  
John may not know it, but he would make that choice.  
Flogger or paddle.  
The nervous tongue tip reappeared between his lips.   
Roger switched to the flogger.  
Stroking his fingers across the hard leather.   
Not often used. Maybe not yet. Otherwise the leather would be soft.  
John's eyes stuck to the wooden paddle for a fraction of a second.  
Choice made.

Roger grabbed the flogger and dropped it on the floor beside the table.  
Paddle. Alright.  
He hadn't used one of these in a long time.  
With the paddle in his hand, he circled the table. John's gaze followed him.  
“You're gonna hurt your pretty neck. Face forward.”

Standing sideways behind John, he put one hand between the shoulder blades of the tall man and let it slide gently down the spine.  
He would invite Johnny to dinner tonight, the man was really too skinny.

Almost fragile.

Whereas the buttocks were surprisingly muscular and perfectly shaped.

God, those long legs. So pretty.

The light tan suited him well. 

Roger stroked one of the perfect cheeks and simply couldn’t resist to give it a smack with the bare hand.

What happened next was extremely strange, almost eerie.

He could feel John. Somehow they had connected with each other. Like on stage. They had always done that before they started playing. Probably unconsciously. They had looked at each other briefly, nodded their heads and it was as if an invisible cable was synchronising their instruments. Or their brains, whatever.  
It had become so normal, so natural, that they had not thought about it. It just happened.

Then Roger had counted down.

Here and now, he grabbed a good handful of John`s hair and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“One, two, three, four!”

John cried out when the paddle hit his ass, and Roger knew it was a loud and clear yes.  
With the second stroke, John began to sob softly. A never ending *pleasepleasepleaseplease*

Roger didn't hold back.

John might be inexperienced, but this was without doubt exactly what he needed.

His slightly tanned skin turned pink, then bright red, and he kept asking for more.  
Not in words, but Roger felt it. It was like a telepathic green light.  
Fast, hard blows. John liked fast, hard blows. Sucked them up greedily, like a sponge.

“Give it to me, John. Give it all to me. You can let go. Give me your pain.”

Roger completely lost track of time. There was just John, John`s screams, the sound of wood smacking on hot skin, sweat and tears.

Only when Johnny, his Johnny, collapsed onto the table and his knees gave way, Roger tossed the paddle aside. It crashed on the sideboard and smashed two cups that were standing on it.

Fuck, John could barely stand, he would fall!

He flung his arms around him from behind and pulled him with him until they both sat on the floor, John between his spread legs. 

“Please! Oh God, Roger, please touch me!”

It took Roger an amazingly long time to realize what he was talking about. 

For far too long sex and SM had been strictly separated, mostly even with Danny.  
The subs he had played with had to take care of their own satisfaction when they needed it.

John's dick was twitching and dripping, begging for attention, and Roger was happy to give it to him. It took only two moves with his hand around the shaft and John came, head throwed back and mouth opened in a silent scream.  
John had given it all.  
He had to get him into bed, under the warm blanket.

"Johnny, can you get up?"

"Huh?"

“Come, angel, you have to help, I can`t carry you.”  
Together they made it up the stairs and into Roger's bedroom. 

Roger slipped under the blanket to the trembling John and they held on tight.


	4. Chapter 4

John cuddled up so close as if he wanted to crawl into him.  
Long arms and legs wrapped around him. John shook so much his teeth were chattering.  
“I can`t stop shaking. Why can`t I stop shaking?” John sounded a wee bit panicked. 

“Just let it happen, Johnny, don't fight it. It'll pass.

"But why..”

“Shh, my angel, we`ll talk later.”

_My heart. Oh, my heart! I let him in. I let Johnny in. Nigel. That`s Nigel! In my life. In my bedroom. In my heart._

God.   
Was he ready for this?  
Well, ready or not, it was too late already, wasn`t it?  
Johnny angel became his when his bare hand spanked that adorable ass for the first time. 

_Mine._

John slowly calmed down in his arms, and when the shaking finally stopped, Roger kissed his forehead gently.  
“Better?”  
“You used to be so shy!”

Roger laughed softly and kissed John again.   
“Your brain works in a strange way.”

“But it`s true!”  
“You used to be a clumsy little nerd, became a sex symbol, a drug addict fucking everything with tits, and now you lie in my bed with a purple ass. Who won the *I changed the most*-competition here?,” he chuckled, tracing the grotesquely large DD-tattoo on John`s arm with a finger.

“You like it?  
“That you`re lying in my bed with a purple ass? I love it, Johnny angel.”

“The tattoo” John blushed.  
“I like this pink on your face. I'm afraid I'm gonna want to see that a lot. Your tattoo's kind of weird, but it suits you. Like your silly hats.”

“Aren't you too warm?”  
John's brain actually performed funny leaps of thought, apparently.

“If you want me to take my clothes off, you can just say so.”

The pink got a few shades darker.

Oh, that was heaven. John Taylor was his personal heaven!

_Mine!_

“I just thought…leather pants are warm.”

“You got that right. Can I leave you alone for a minute? I make us some tea and see if I have a power bar or something for you. You need to eat something.”

Well, in fact, getting John a power bar wasn`t the main reason to get out of bed.   
John`s closeness, his oh so obvious submissiveness, that lovely pink, everything, it aroused Roger in a way he never felt before. He wanted to tie him to the bed and fuck him, right here and now, and this was clearly a very, very bad idea.   
“Wait another minute, please, it's so wonderful to be in your arms.”  
“Oh, my Johnny, you are to die for! I will be back in five, promised.”  
“I give you four.”  
“Are we becoming commanding, Mister Taylor? I think we need to take another serious look at your behaviour,” Roger chuckled, tousling John`s hair. 

“Must be the name.” John smiled.

Roger returned to the bedroom with two steaming tea mugs and a pack of trail mix.

“I could get used to this room service.” John welcomed him.  
“I wouldn't do that if I were you. Once I've trained you properly, it will be your job.”  
Yet again John flushed pink.   
“I never know if you're kidding or if you're serious. It confuses me.”  
“It`s just the way I am, John. I provoke, I observe, I try to draw the right conclusions from my observations. Look, John, I don`t want you to feel uncomfortable, I just want to find out what makes you tick. It's the first time I've dealt with someone who's just starting out, so you have to please tell me if this is too much for you.  
I don't know if I can stop it, you know? I mean, I may have just had one real relationship of this kind, but it has been a part of my life for so long now, even if for some time only with play partners, that it has become second nature to me. Besides, you do things to me that are somehow much more powerful than anything I've ever experienced. Truth is, Johnny angel, the moment I first spanked you I knew that whatever it is we used to have when making music together is all there when you give yourself to me. I wanted to take it slow, John, knowing you don't have much experience, but that didn't work. I couldn't stop myself because I sensed that you didn't want me to stop myself. You gave me the green light, didn't you?”

“I've felt this way before you did.” John said quietly. “The minute we got here, I noticed you were different. You had such an incredibly strong presence and that just didn`t fit for me at first, because you really were awfully shy back then. You used to be almost invisible, Roger. You were always in the background. Always so quiet. Unless you were sitting behind your drums, and suddenly it was like you were sitting behind your drums the whole time, you know? You were…well, dominant, huh? I thought, oh, congratulations, Nigel, you fool, now you really need psychological help. You start seeing dominant men everywhere. Seriously, go see a psychiatrist. I put it on my fragile nerves and thought I would stop imagining things once I had slept a night. But the next morning it was still there, and even more noticeable. I could barely be in the same room with you. So I ran out into the rain. When I came back... God, Roger, you were so... controlling. And so loving at the same time. You took care of me. You treated me the way Vince treated Dave. I wanted to be your Dave, Roger. No, I _knew_ I am the Dave to your Vince. You are the one. I just know that. I feel it. So, yeah, green light.”  
Roger was speechless for a moment.  
Something huge and mighty filled him from head to toe.  
 _MINE! YOU ARE MINE!_

“John, I want you to eat something. Eat, drink your tea and don't move. I have to go outside for a moment or I can't control myself any longer. You have no idea what you're doing to me. I want to take possession of you, to fuck you good and hard until you beg for mercy. And that's not a good idea, John, is it? So I'm just gonna go out for a minute, calm down and come back in, all right? You're fucking killing me, John Taylor.”

Only seconds later he stood in his backyard, panting heavily.

_Calm down! You need to calm down. Breathe. Calm down! You're not a fucking beast, so stop acting like one._

“Oh, fuck it,” he howled. With trembling fingers he freed his hot, hard cock from his pants and jerked off, fucking his fist as fast and hard as he wanted to fuck John.

“Mine!” he screamed when he came so hard his legs gave way and he found himself on his knees, shaking like a leaf.  
Then he broke out in laughter.  
“Seriously, Roger, you're crazy! What's wrong with you? Uhgn. God. Bloody hell. Now you've gone mad, clearly. You're kneeling in your garden talking to yourself. For fuck's sake, get a grip! What kind of pathetic Dom are you, anyway? You're supposed to take care of Johnny. Put some cream on this tortured ass, you idiot. Fucking him into the mattress is not on the menu. He`s a virgin, and you make sure that his first time is gentle and tender. With cuddles and pink flowers .Got it?”

When Roger returned to the bedroom, John was asleep. He smiled in his sleep. Like an angel.


	5. Chapter 5

With Johnny sound asleep, Roger decided to find out about something that was nagging on him since John had mentioned it.  
Nick.

Nick had told John that there were rumours about him being a gay Dominant, and that just couldn`t be true.   
Unless Nick himself was part of the scene or he knew someone from Roger's inner circle.   
In which case, Roger would know.   
So none of this made sense.

He had to talk to Nick, definitely.  
He was just checking the tour plan Simon has given him to see where in the world the band was at this very moment, when the phone rang.  
“Taylor? 

“Rhodes. So, I heard you checked on Nigel`s suitcase, huh?”

“What an incredible coincidence you just called. How did you know?”

“How did I know what?”

“Don`t waste your breath, Nick. Who told you?”

“Seriously, Roger, I don`t have the slightest clue what you`re talking about.”

“Oh, come on. How did you know I beat up men?”

“You have such a wonderfully subtle way of expressing yourself, Roger.” There was silence on the other and for a few seconds, then Roger heard Nick taking a deep breath. “Vince told me. I almost fell from my chair.”

“Vince? LA-Vince? Vince-and Dave-Vince?”

“Exactly.”

“And how would Vince in LA know about me here in London?”

“That`s a long story, Roger.”

“I have time.”

Nick sighed.  
“Ok, then. Where to start? When Nigel blew his shit in LA. He totally lost it. From one day to the next his whole life fell apart. Wife, house, friends, all gone. I worried myself to death and so did Vince. He felt guilty because he hadn't thought about the consequences any more than John, so he contacted me. We agreed that we had to get John out of LA. You know how he is, Roger. He's impulsive, he doesn't think things through. John takes a running jump once he has gotten something into his head .Who cares about consequences, no, not me. John runs all over LA and announces beaming with joy, by the way, I'm gay now and I think it's great to be whipped. He tells his wife, his friends, and to his great surprise all these people do not share his enthusiasm in any way. in the beginning he was quite calm, but then he realized that his life would change forever. He kept telling me about Vince and Dave, that he finally found himself, but how the hell did he imagine that? Did he think that John Taylor can just walk into the nearest S&M club and come out with the man of his dreams? People began to talk and it was only a matter of time before the press would find out. Don`t get me wrong, if that's how John feels, and if that's what makes him happy, no problem. But humanity is cruel and the press would have destroyed him. When the whole thing got back to Amanda, she wanted to take away his custody, and that's when John realized that his life wasn't gonna get any easier. Vince and I just wanted him out of the line of fire. What John needed was a goal and people he could trust in, people who would understand. So I said, hey John, let's get back together to play music, let`s reunite the band, and Vince called an old friend in London so John could confide in someone with all his newfound affinities, orientations, sexual preferences, call it what you want. And it turns out that his old friend is also a very good friend of yours. I'm surprised she hasn't already spoken to you. Her name is Bella Montgomery. Your scene is fucking small, can it be?”

When they ended the call, Roger immediately wanted to call Bella, but then thought it over again.

This woman was one of the very few people to whom he would entrust his life without hesitation. If Bella had decided not to tell him about Vince, yet alone John, she had her reasons. He was also pretty sure where Bella would be tonight.

So he called someone else.

“McKenzie`s, what can I do for you?”

“You could tell me if you have anything vegetarian on the menu and if Mrs Montgomery is on duty tonight.”

“An excellent veggie curry and her shift starts at five.”

“I love your efficiency , Danny. Could be that John and I will show up later.”

“I'll save you a seat at the bar.”

“Put a pillow on the stool and something high caloric in the curry. John is too thin.”

“Your wish is my command and I will keep all the nosy questions for later.”

“I appreciate this.

Just as he was returning the kitchen to its normal state, not without a big grin, a sleepy John appeared in the doorway.   
Still naked, still with the cuffs on.

“I`m starving. And I would like to take a shower. Would you take these things off?”   
Pause, then an almost silently “Please?”

_I have no idea yet which buttons I have to press with Johnny, but he definitely knows every single one he has to hit to make all my fuses blow._

Roger crossed the small distance between them and dropped to his knees to unfasten the ankle cuffs. John's delicious smell of sex and manhood caught him off guard.  
John gasped in surprise when he buried his nose in the well- trimmed pubes, inhaling deep.

The pretty, slender cock twitched and a small drop formed at the slit.  
Roger licked it off before it could fall down.   
“Hmmm!” he muttered with relish.

Looking up, he found John staring at him with huge eyes.  
“Give me your arm.”  
“Huh?”   
“Your arm, John.”  
“Oh.”  
Once the cuffs were taken off, Roger stood and led his Johnny into the bathroom.

“Hop in, I`ll be right with you.” He said, pointing at the shower cabin.

“I…” John swallowed. “Can I undress you?”

“With pleasure.”

Now it was Roger`s turn to gasp when John kneeled in front of him and long fingers reached for his fly.

The pants were pulled down so slowly as if he feared they would explode with a quick movement. It had something incredibly sensual, and Roger couldn`t stifle a moan.  
As much as he liked the hard way, he had always had a thing for subtle eroticism.

The knowledge that John had never had sex with a man, that he had probably never undressed a man, gave this moment something unique. Something almost sacred.

When John licked his lips,however, the innocence of it was all gone as Roger imagined this tongue licking over his throbbing cock.

Two thumbs hooked into the waistband of his underpants, then John didn't seem to dare going any further.  
Their eyes met and again there was some sort of telepathic connection, some non-verbal communication.  
*Help me*, John`s gaze pleaded.  
Roger's own thumbs slipped under the elastic band and hooked with Johns.  
“One, two, three, four.” Roger whispered with a smile and together they pulled down the plain black briefs.   
His rock-hard cock sprung free and he almost jumped when John placed a butterfly kiss on the mushroomed head.

He had to lock his hands securely behind his back not to grab John`s head and simply fuck his mouth.  
Hesitantly, the long, wonderful fingers closed around the pulsating shaft and John started to wank him ever so slowly.

_Keep hands where they are. Don’t move. Don`t fucking push, Roger Andrew!_

Ack, that`s actually harder than he thought.  
He just wasn`t used to such a tender, careful touch.  
The last person touching his cock other than himself had been Jonah.  
And Jonah surely knew exactly how to please a man, whether it was with his hands or his mouth. Not to mention his tight little ass.

Roger couldn`t bite back a desperate sob, though he didn't know exactly where it came from.  
Was it the longing for more, the shock of having thought of Jonah at this moment of all times or simply the realization that it was John's hand touching him?

This talented hand with long, strong fingers, fingers made to pluck the bass strings.

John looked up to him, licking his lips, and every thought of anyone other than the man before him disappeared into thin air.

He was insecure and nervous, he needed reassurance, not pushing.

Roger smiled, giving a short, affirmative nod.

When John smiled back, a feeling of tenderness rushed through him, so intense that he had to run his fingers through his hair, soft and gentle, no hair -pulling, not to force that angelic face closer to his cock. Just a tender, loving gesture.

_I love you, John Taylor_

This time, Roger knew exactly where his sob came from.  
It was the realisation that he was completely and utterly under this man's spell.  
And when he locked his eyes with John`s, he knew that their feelings were perfectly synchronised. 

Another one of those butterfly kisses on his tip and a short lick was all it took to make him come, too fast to give John a warning.

The first shot landed right in his face, and as he didn`t back off, so did the second.  
God, he just couldn't help it, he had to grab a handful of hair and force John`s head back, just had to watch his white, thick juice dripping from this square chin.

When he bent down to lick off the sticky mess, John moaned and grabbed his own leaking cock.  
“Don`t you dare!” Roger growled, tightening his grip of Johnny`s hair.  
He captured the man`s lips with his and pushed his tongue in, giving John a taste of his cum, and again he moaned, right into Roger`s mouth.  
Although he couldn't see it, Roger knew with one hundred percent certainty that he was reaching for his cock again.

Good.

He obviously liked it. Liked being kissed by a mouth that tasted of semen.

“John! If you don't let go of your dick right now I won't allow you to come for the next three days.” Roger couldn`t quite hide the amusement in his voice. “I thought you wanted to undress me? That will keep your hands busy, hm?”

A little later they were standing in the shower and John flinched when the warm water spray hit his sore ass. He flinched even more when Roger went down on his knees again and hot lips closed around his shaft.

“Uh!”  
Roger smiled around the throbbing flesh before he swallowed as much of it as he could.

Hmmm. Yes. As delicious as the one drop of nectar had promised.

“Uhn. Roger!”

He had to choke a little when John pushed into him and Johnny pulled out in a panic.

“God, I`m sorry!”

“It's okay. It's just been a while, you know? Could you try to hold still?”

“I…yeah. Sorry. It`s just…uh, I didn`t think you`d do that.”

“Doing what?”

“Eh…giving me a blow-job.”

“You don`t like blow-jobs?”

“Of course I do, I just thought..”

“That I'm too dominant to get down on my knees before you and put your beautiful cock in my mouth?”

“Well, yeah. Sort of.”

“Shall I stop? Would you rather I give you the even stricter, unapproachable Master? No problem, Johnny, I can do this if that`s what you want,” he grinned, giving John`s cock a teasing squeeze. 

John chuckled, even though he went all pink again.  
“Hell, no! I`m perfectly fine with you giving me a blow-job.”

“I'm so glad. Because you taste really delicious.”

While Roger carefully dabbed John's maltreated butt dry after the shower together, he asked: 

“Would you mind coming to Danny's pub with me?   
We could have dinner there and I'd like you to meet someone. But if you're uncomfortable with that, we can always cook together again. Or go somewhere else, if you like.”

“Why should I be uncomfortable with that?”

“Because I fucked with Danny, for example.”

“Oddly enough, it doesn't bother me. I like him, and you said he`ll always be a friend for you. But…Roger? I don't have to pretend to be just your ex-band buddy, do I?”

“You're the ex-band buddy I'm gonna make out with all night.”

That`s all he could give John for now, though he knew it wasn`t exactly what he wanted to hear.  
John would know about his feelings, even if he couldn`t put them in words yet.

John was behind the wheel again when they finally left, the radio was playing Scott McKenzie's *San Francisco* and they sang along loudly.

“Danny`s name is McKenzie, right?”

“Right. But I don't think he's related to Scott. There's no one in the whole world more unmusical than Danny. At pool billiards, however, you better not mess with him.”

“Is there a table in the pub? Goodness, I haven`t played a round of pool for ages. Not been to a pub since I got sober.”

“Oh fuck, Johnny! I didn`t think of that!”

“It`s ok. I think it's possible to drink orange juice in a pub, huh?”

“Well, I guess so. Besides, this is probably the pub in London where people drink the least alcohol.”

“Why so?”  
“Many guests who then go to the club opposite. Don`t drink and play.”

“Makes sense. Are all your friends from the scene?”

“Not all, but most of them. Almost everyone I know is either a musician, SMer or both. Like Bella, the one I want you to meet. She`s a singer, and you`ll be amazed that such a tiny person has such a rich voice. She works at the pub and we often make music together with her husband. Maybe he's there too.”

“And that Bella, is she, I mean, Dom or sub?”

“Dom through and through. There's something else I need to tell you, John.”

He told him about the phone call with Nick and John became awfully quiet. He seemed focused on the street, but his lower lip was trembling and the pink tongue was very busy.  
“They wouldn't lie to you, John. They were worried about you, you know.”  
“I know that. It`s just that…they were right, huh? I almost lost Atlanta because I wasn`t thinking straight.”  
“Nowadays, John, nobody can take your child away from you because of your sexual orientation. I think Vince, in particular, was worried about something else. You really took a running jump, didn't you? With Vince, also with me ,and you are absolutely wonderful. You are every Dom's dream, John Taylor. But there are dangerous people in this scene, John. Cruel, selfish people. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're very manipulative. Someone like you in the wrong hands, I don't even want to think about what could happen. Besides, you're John Taylor, and I'm sure there are people who would be happy to sell you to the press. You know, I was a little jealous of Vince, honestly, but I think he really cares about you. He saw your potential, Johnny angel. You have this capacity for total surrender, and with the wrong partner, John, you would have hurt yourself. And we're not talking about a sore ass here, you understand? There are people, they push you out of the plane without a parachute, and if you're broken, they just leave you there. Real sadists, John, who don`t give a shit about your feelings.”  
“You really think I'd get into it with somebody like that?”  
“No, John, not anymore. I'm pretty sure you found the right one. And for whatever reason, Bella seems to have suspected it.”

Roger took a deep breath.  
 _Tell him, tell him now!_

“You are mine, John Taylor, and I'll be damned if I ever let you go.”  
Well, that wasn`t exactly the same as *I love you*, but then, again, John would know.


	6. Chapter 6

Since it was an early evening in the middle of the week, McKenzie`s wasn’t too crowded when they walked in, hand in hand.  
“What splendour in my humble hut”, Danny welcomed them with a bright smile. “Bella, come and see what the wind brought in.”  
Bella's bright blue, spiky shock of hair appeared behind the counter, and John beside him gasped in surprise.  
Well, Bella Montgomery wasn`t exactly what people imagined a dominatrix to be.  
In fact, she looked more like a crazy parrot. A very tiny crazy parrot.  
Petticoat dress matching the hair colour, army boots over fishnet tights, a doll face with the largest steel-grey eyes the world ever had seen.  
Bella stood before them in all her glory, hands on her hips, and she had to crane her neck almost to the point of breaking to look up at John.  
“Taylors in a pack of two. Did you lose the third one somewhere along the way?  
“Actually, Mrs Montgomery, all Taylors got lost somewhere along the way, but they're in the process of finding each other again.” Roger grinned, squeezing John`s hand.  
Bella`s gaze dropped from John`s stunned face to their intertwined fingers.

“The rhythm section seems to have come together very closely.” She grinned.” Can he talk too or just play bass?”  
“I think your appearance has left him speechless.”

“Vince is right, he`s cute. Why are the cuties always gay? That`s so unfair.”

“Chase won`t be amused to hear that.”

“Then don`t tell him. Give me a hug, Roger Taylor!”

Roger reluctantly let go of John's hand and embraced the petite woman.

“ Wow.” John finally found his voice. “You`re really tiny, huh?”

“And you have really bad manners! Is that any way to greet a lady?”

“Oh, I sincerely apologise, madam. John Taylor, pleased to meet you.”

Roger had to laugh when John gave her a perfect hand kiss.

“The pleasure`s all mine, John Taylor!Bella Montgomery. I heard we have a mutual friend in LA. Well, I hope you two aren't mad at me for not saying anything. Come and sit, so we can talk and I'll explain to you why I kept quiet. Danny, will you get dinner ready?”  
“This horrible person keeps forgetting that I'm her boss.” Danny rolled his eyes, but disappeared into a room in the back.  
“Well, you can both imagine my surprise when Vince called me a few weeks ago. My first thought, Roger, was to call you immediately. But then I talked to Chase about it, and he said telling you wouldn’t be fair to John. That John had to decide for himself whether to tell you or not, or how many of it or whatever.  
No one likes a forced outing, huh?  
Be it as a gay or as SMer.  
Coming out to your friends is a personal decision, and you have to be ready for it.  
This wasn't easy for me, Rog, you know that. Part of me was eager to share that secret with you.  
Well, Chase and I have talked a lot about you over the last few weeks. It's funny, you know, because I keep forgetting that my best friend used to be super famous.  
My God, I had your songs on audiotapes! Recorded from the radio. Welcome to stone age.  
One day my dear husband surprised me with a bag full of Duran-stuff. CDs and DVDs, and we spent a few very amazing hours in the early and mid-eighties, listening to your music and watching documentaries.  
Chase eventually turned to me and said *They are good, together.* And you know that Mr. Mastermind is always right. So, please, don`t be mad at me, Rodgie-Podgie!”  
“I'm gonna get mad if you call me that again, Hella Bella!”  
“Cuddle attack, puuuh-leeeeze?”  
John watched them, smiling broadly, as Roger lifted the tiny parrot up and they gave a mutual hair tousling, followed by a noisy kiss.  
“You two are cute”, he chuckled.  
“Give them some time and they become unbearable! You should never leave these two in the same room for too long, they will be trouble.” Danny set a bread basket on the counter. “Mild, spicy or super spicy?”  
“Super spicy!” John almost bounced and they all had to laugh when his stomach growled like thunder.  
“This man is brave! A man to my liking. If you can eat that without crying, I'll let you taste the most expensive whisky I have!”  
“As much as I appreciate your offer, Danny, I’d rather have a virgin cocktail.”  
“Oh, fuck, sorry, man! But you know what? I won`t have to give you ANY drink, because, you WILL cry like a baby! Your eyes will water, steam will blow from your ears and you will cry for mercy!”  
“If not, you owe me a round of pool.”  
“Deal.”  
Roger met Bella`s eyes and they winked at each other. Now only Chase, Mason and Faye would have to show up, and John would have been officially introduced to everyone Roger called his closest friends. His inner circle. And with knowing the inner circle, John would become a part of it.

 _Yeah, sure, Rodgie-Podgie, as if he isn't already the centre of this circle!_  
Since more and more guests were coming in, Danny and Bella had their hands full to serve them and Roger concentrated on the man sitting next to him.  
Johnny devoured his curry and asked for another serving. Whenever their eyes met, he smiled and , of course, Roger had to smile back. It was good to see John so relaxed and it pleased him that he obviously felt very comfortable here.  
“You`re not crying” Danny noted, apparently stunned by this fact.  
“Oh, maybe I should have told you that excessive coke use can change your sense of taste, which means, in my case, too spicy is only then too spicy when it burns a hole in my oesophagus.”  
“Well, John, if only you'd known a little sooner that there are so much better ways to get a high, huh? Endorphins are the best drug in the world, if you ask me.” Daniel winked.  
“Oh! Oh my God, yes!” John looked like he had just been struck by the lightning of knowledge.  
“Roger, that’s why! I couldn't stop shaking and I panicked and I... wow. Getting off the rush. It was coming down from the high! Geez, Danny, you`re right! Much better! So much better!”  
Daniel and Bella could not have grinned any wider if their lives depended on it.  
«Ha! So you spent a relaxing afternoon at the magic shed, huh?” Danny chuckled.  
“The what? No…I was…it`s…” Slowly it dawned on John what he had just revealed.  
Oh, that lovely pink was really, really adorable!  
Johnny angel swallowed, then tried to hide his burning face at Roger`s shoulder.  
He giggled softly and his warm breath tickled Roger's throat.  
“Too much information,” Johnny whispered.  
“Dilate your mind.” Roger chuckled, mouth searching for John`s, and he tenderly bit that sweet, pouty lower lip.  
_Officially mine!_

John was very quiet on the return trip. After they had been so close in the pub, smooching all the time after John's small but important realization, it was now as if he was pulling away.  
“What`s bugging you, Johnny angel?”  
“Hm? Oh, nothing. Just tired, I guess.”

_Were we going too fast? Is he having second thoughts? Damn it, Johnny, you gotta talk to me!_

“Come on, John! What is it?”

“The shed. What's the deal with this place?”  
_Oh fuck! Not now. Not when it was so nice and cosy between us. Now's not a good time. No! We should go to bed and make out. Pink flowers and all that._

“I`ll show you tomorrow, Johnny, ok? I think that's a little too much for today.”

“What did Danny mean when he said I might have spent a relaxing afternoon there?”

“John, please, it`s late, huh? Tomorrow.”  
“No, Roger! That`s not fair. I fucking want to know! If anybody's gonna make funny references like that, I wanna know what they're talking about.”  
Roger sighed.  
Unfortunately, they had not yet reached the point where he could simply order to let it go.  
Not even remotely close.  
And maybe they would never reach this point.  
Maybe it wasn't what John wanted at all.  
Well, it was definitely what Roger wanted.  
Eventually, anyway.  
However, this required the following in particular:  
Honesty  
Trust  
No secrets.  
Oh, and at best, of course, love should also be involved.  
He definitely was a little out of practice with that last part.  
Alright, bed had to wait, apparently.  
“I'll show you. But don't say I didn't warn you.”

When they finally walked side by side down the garden path to the very back of Roger`s property, he had to fight the upcoming excitement with all his might.  
He didn't usually come here giving people tours. Walking that path with someone used to be some sort of foreplay. Sometimes, he had men led here who were handcuffed and blindfolded, who knew what was in store for them and were just as excited. Then, of course ,there was Danny.  
He would never wear a blindfold, ever.  
Always big mouth, all the way to the door. And then he stepped over the threshold and became a different person.  
And Jonah, oh, Jonah had crawled along this path on all fours more than once.  
Obedient, silent and humble.  
On a leash.  
Properly plugged.  
Oh! Oooh, now that`s a thought, Johnny with a plug and on all fours and…

_No, Roger! Don`t go there! No, sir! Keep it business-like. This is not a session, understand?_

He unlocked the door and held it for John.  
“After you, Mister Taylor, welcome to the magic shed.”

John stepped in and Roger turned on the light.  
_Please don`t freak out, Johnny angel!_

He tried to see this room through the eyes of someone for whom all this was new. No one had ever been here who hadn't seen such a room in this or that way before. Maybe with some other furniture, other things on the shelves.  
It seemed scary, didn't it? Scary and brutal if you didn't know it.  
But maybe John had seen something like it. Maybe Vince and Dave had a room like that. And he'd been to a club with them, huh?  
Then there was that DVD, wasn't there? In the Master`s dungeon.  
He himself preferred the term playroom, as it was much less sinister and more appropriate in his opinion, but this could be called a dungeon in the way the movie said it was.  
Chains, a cage, pillories, all that.  
Suddenly this room seemed like one big cliché to Roger.  
_Oh no. You're not gonna start that now. You're not gonna be ashamed of this room. You like it. Period._

John never said a word.  
Roger wondered briefly if he should hold him, take him by the hand, anything, but then he just sat down in one of the chairs and let John look around.  
Watching John would tell him a lot if he paid attention.  
“You have seen something like that before, haven`t you?”  
“Not really. In a movie, yes, but then, I saw Godzilla in a movie , too…”  
At least he hadn't lost his sense of humour, good thing.  
“Take a look around .Ask me whatever you want. Or do you want me to explain things? See, I told you I think it`s too much after what happened today.”

“Danny and Jonah have been here a lot, huh?”  
“Yes. So were Bella and Chase. We set this place up together, Bella and I. Shelf on the right, my stuff, shelf on the left, Bella`s stuff.”

_Keep it straight! Don't get emotional._

Of course John went to the right.  
“That`s a lot of stuff.” John murmured. And then it was the knife of all things he had to pick first.  
“You sure you`re not one of those sadists you told me about?”  
“That`s for the ropes, John. I recently started to learn some bondage, and sometimes it`s necessary to free someone really quick.”

_Hm hm hm…Johnny in those burgundy ropes Bella got me for my birthday…yummy._

“Ah. You've got a lot of lubricant here for someone who doesn't have a lot of sex."

“Just because I'm not fucking them doesn't mean I don't use toys."

“Them? How many are we talking, Roger? Other than Danny and Jonah.”

“Four. Five, perhaps.”

“And do you always do this? Do you always count before you hit? One, two, three, four? Is this one of those "Evil Dom warning you now" things? Some kind of routine? I mean, maybe they like that, like, ooh, I'm just getting spanked by a really famous drummer, how exciting!”

“Actually, I thought it was more of a Roger- John thing.”

“Hm.” John didn't seem convinced.

“John, listen. Yes, I had a few men here, and yes, I enjoyed that. A lot. I like it. I never fooled anyone. I was always honest with my play partners. I am grown up, I was single, and SM is my passion, I don`t have to exculpate that to you. It never reached the depths I experienced with Anthony, of course, because it was always about trust and passion, but never about love. Until this morning, John. With you.”


	7. Chapter 7

“What if…if I`m not enough, Roger? I don't know what half this stuff is for. I don't see the point of sitting in that cage. I... I never had anything inside me. I don't know if I like that. What if I don't like it, Roger?”

“See, and that`s exactly why I didn`t want to show it to you today! Just because all this stuff is there doesn't mean we have to use it. They're just tools, Johnny. We'll find out what you like. We'll find out what we both like, together. And we'll have all the time in the world to do it, okay?”

“But if that`s not enough for you…if I`m not…I dunno…submissive enough, whatever…”

Roger stood, went to the shelf and picked something.  
“You know what that is?”   
“Eh..a gag?”  
“ Exactly. And if you don't stop talking such nonsense about not being enough, that's the first thing I'll use on you. Understand?”  
“But…”

“John! Do you trust me?”

“Yes, but…”

“I'm not brushing pink glitter over it, John, it may well be that it won't always be easy, and we'll talk a lot and probably make a lot of mistakes. But you have to trust me. And sometimes it would be easier if you just do what I say and believe that I know what I'm doing, ok? We will always talk about everything, I promise you, but when I say, John, not now, better tomorrow, then listen to me. And if I tell you that you're certainly not *not enough* for me, then believe me. Can you do that?”

“But you have all those experiences and me, I know nothing.”

“ That`s why you should trust me to do the right things. See, it`s not a Dom-sub- thing. It`s just that I know things that you don`t. Just as I learned from Anthony, you will learn from me. And sometimes it`s just not the right time for such things anyway. It`s been an intense day, and I wanted to end it in bed with you, not here.”

“But even there I have zero experience. In bed.”

“Oh, I bet you have one hell of a lot more experience in bed than I have.”

“You know what I mean, Rog! You know exactly what I mean. You have a lot of dildos here, huh? And I look at them and think, uh, never gonna fit. And, even worse, you are , in fact, very well-built, and again I think, uh, never gonna fit… fuck, I didn`t even dare using this vib Dave gave me. You saw it, huh? It’s in that wooden case.”

“John! First, when I said I want to end this evening in bed with you, I wasn`t talking about fucking. Second, again, that there are dildos doesn`t mean we have to use them. And last, but not least, if I say something like using this gag on you, it might just be for testing grounds. When I say it again, I mean it. So, stop babbling and worrying, will you? Keep on, and I WILL gag you. Can we go to bed now and just cuddle?”

John opened his mouth, then his eyes shot to the gag in Roger`s hand, and he grinned and nodded.

“There you go, beanpole.”

“For such a short little runt, you're pretty impressive. I like that, you know. Makes me feel…safe.”

Nothing else really happened that night, even though they were naked and cuddled together and Johnny clung to him again as if he wanted to crawl into him.

Roger couldn't sleep for a long time.

First time a man has slept in his bed since he bought this house.

Apart from Danny and Jonah, nobody had actually ever been in the house. 

No sub or potential lover.  
He wanted to keep that strictly separated. No play partners in his private rooms, as he wasn`t ready for more 

And John ended up in his bed after two nights in the guest room.   
And on his kitchen table, let's not forget.

_This is pretty fucking huge, huh? You're gonna have to work really hard not to screw this up._

The next morning, they set out once again on the so familiar and long missed grounds of making music together.  
It did them both a world of good.  
Still, it looked like that bloody shed did some serious damage to their so fast and well-growing relationship, for whatever reasons, as Johnny excused himself and took a shower afterwards. Alone.  
Roger decided not to push things, but they`d have to talk later.

*Later*, however, came sooner than he thought, and in a way he`d never had expected.

He nearly dropped his coffee cup when John came into the living room, where he sat in his favourite armchair, looking out into the pouring rain and thinking about how to start this urgently needed conversation with his Johnny. 

Well, John had obviously decided to take matters into his own hands. Into his leather cuffed hands.

He stopped in the middle of the room, looking at his bare feet yet again, gloriously naked just like the day before.

However, there was a small difference to yesterday. The collar. He wore the collar.

Roger fought to keep his face all neutral, trying not to show how much this had caught him so totally off guard. Whatever this beautiful creature was up to, he`d let him have his way.   
After a few minutes of silence, it became obvious that he needed some help with it, and since John`s appearance showed very clearly that he did not want to approach this matter at eye level, but as a sub, Roger had to be Dom, right?

“Yes, John?” Just a small rise of the left brow, voice almost bored. 

“I…uh…I wanted to apologise for freaking out last night, and for not listening to you when you said we`d see that shed later. I…you said, learning isn`t a Dom-sub-thing, but…I ask you to make it a Dom-sub-thing, because I think it would help me. I think I`d feel safer in defined roles. So, I don`t know if it`s ok for you that I put on those things myself, but I wanted…it helped me to get into the feeling.”

And then, John fucking Taylor, his friend and former bandmate, the bass god and sex symbol, crossed the small distance between them and dropped to his knees in front of Roger`s chair.

_Oh my fucking….oooh. Oh God! Yes! God, yes!_

Roger carefully put the cup onto the windowsill. Good thing John kept his eyes down, otherwise he would have noticed the shaking of his hand.

Only when this shaking stopped, he reached for John`s hair. It was still wet from the shower and felt like silk under his fingers.  
Gently but surely, he pulled John's head back and forced him to look at him. 

“I appreciate your honesty, John. Very much so. And I thank you for your trust in me. No apologise needed for having fears and insecurities, though. Keep up that honesty, and we will be fine. I promise to be as honest with you. I have misjudged some of the information you gave me about Vince and Dave, obviously, because I thought you`ve seen a playroom before. Actually, I wanted to ask you what exactly you watched when you were with them, but you know what? It doesn`t matter. Because what you saw was about Vince and Dave. It`s Vince and Dave`s way. Whatever I did and whoever I did it with doesn`t matter also, because it was between me and another person. The only thing that matters, John, is what`s between us, okay? You and I, we will find our way. The first thing I want to discover now is your wonderful body, which you present to me here so perfectly. I want you to go upstairs to my bedroom and lie down on the bed, on your back with your legs spread. Would you do that for me, John?”

Even though there`s a hint of panic in those beautiful brown eyes, Johnny nodded and rose to his feet. He left the room without looking back.

Roger inhaled deeply, holding his breath for as long as he could before he let it out slowly.  
With Johnny`s ass blue from the beating yesterday, another proper flagellation wasn`t an option.   
In addition, Roger had refrained from physical contact for a long, really very long time. And he wanted to touch this beautiful, lean body. With his hands, his mouth, his tongue. Maybe with sharp nails and teeth, too.

_I wonder if John can give himself to touches just as completely as to the paddle? If he likes bites or enjoys being pinched? Does he need the pain or can he do without it? God, Roger Andrew, don't freak out like you did yesterday, okay? Control yourself. Fucking is not in it! John likes to be dominated verbally, that`s for sure, so you have to be cool. Be the fuck cool, Roger!_

God, being so obsessed with John definitely didn`t make things easier.   
How the hell should he be able to stay in Dom-mode when all he wanted was to fuck this man into oblivion? 

Jesus.

After yet another deep breath, he followed John. John Taylor. His other half.

There he was, sprawled over the mattress, long legs wide open, eyes closed.

Although he was clearly not really comfortable, he had obeyed. Oh, yes, Johnny angel liked to obey.  
His chest rose and fell with rapid, shaky breaths, the long, slightly curved cock at half-mast.  
Abso-fucking-lutely stunning!

Roger fought the need to just get naked and cuddle up to John, to cover this lovely body with kisses.  
No, Johnny had asked for clear roles here, and he`d get clear roles.

_Funny thing, huh? No one ever tells you how hard this can be._

“Ok for you to lie on this tortured ass of yours?”

“Huh-huh. I…like. Feeling it.”

“That`s good. If I have my way, you'll feel that every day. But now your pretty ass is supposed to recover a little, right? There are so many other beautiful things I can do with your beautiful body. This is just like yesterday on the kitchen table, John. If you give yourself to me, I own you. That means I can do whatever I want with you, understand? Unless you use your safe word. I will stop whatever I'm doing right away if you use that word. You can always count on it. There's no reason to be afraid. It's up to you, you decide what you let happen. I can only do what you allow me to do.  
I won't lie to you, John, I will definitely try to achieve what I want, so what I have to do is making you want the same. And that, Johnny angel, is the great secret to dominance. I will make you WANT things and I will make you beg for them.”

_Goal! Oh, just look at that! Only words. Not the slightest touch, and he`s literally leaking and fully hard. Goodness._

“Cross your hands behind your neck and keep them there. Move without permission, and I`ll tie them to the headboard.”

For a moment Roger considered whether he should instruct him to open his eyes, but then refrained from doing so. It would be easier for John, the only form of hiding he would allow.

John flinched heavily when he finally sat beside him, but the hands stayed behind his neck.

Ah, those lips! Those sweet, trembling lips. He couldn`t resist to steal a deep kiss, drawing a low moan from the bassist.

Roger let his hands glide down on both sides of John`s invitingly outstretched form, making him quiver.   
He repeated the touch, going up and down the sides of John`s upper body, slow and gentle.  
And then, when John was least expecting it, he quickly bent down and bit into the soft skin just under the armpit.  
Hmmm. 

The little yelp was as delicious as the taste of clean skin mixed with a hint of fresh sweat. This kind of sweat was special, unlike this slightly musty one after a long working day. It was this special sweat of sexual arousal, and it tasted wonderful.

Oh, he had to lick it off, had to bury his nose in this so appetizingly presented armpit.  
So good!

Then he kissed and licked his way over John`s chest, again all sweet and gentle, just to bite one nipple when John got used to this tenderness too much.   
Another yelp. 

So he stroked, licked and kissed this whole beautiful body, always adding little bites or pinches when John least expected it. After a felt eternity, when the room was filled with John`s moans and whimpering, he was so turned on that his pants were about to burst.

_John's a lot more controlled than you are. What's wrong with you, Roger? Are you losing it? He should be begging you to touch that beautiful cock by now. Should have tried at least once to touch himself, to force you to his cock, but no, he`s perfectly patient, perfectly still._

He had to try something else. Distance, maybe. Or more pain? Harder bites, stronger pinches? Or should he venture to an unspoken limit, to that untouched spot that had made John so panicky? Should he show John that you could not only put cocks or toys in that wonderfully tight hole?

Nah. Too early. Or not?  
Without realizing it, he had stopped touching John, and there it was, the quiet little *please* he had been waiting for.

“I'm sorry, did you say something?”

“Please. Don`t stop.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Stop doing what?"

“To touch me! God, please, touch me!”

“Oh? Your wish is my demand, John Taylor.”

Very gently, so that it was hardly a touch, he let a finger circle around John`s nipple.

“Please. More.”

He added a second finger, circling around the other nipple.  
There we go.

“Roger, oh God, stop teasing. Oh please! I tried. I tried really hard, but I can`t stand this anymore.”

“What do you want, John? Tell me what you want.”

“ I don`t know. Something. Harder. More. Whatever you want to do with me, ” he whimpered.

“But that`s what I`m doing, Johnny. I do exactly what I want to do with you.”

From one moment to the next, John's almost angelic patience seemed to be gone.

_…out the window, cross the rooftops, run away…._

Roger smiled smugly.  
Now THAT was what he wanted!   
He bent to one stiff nipple and blew over it.  
John screamed as if he had been bitten hard.  
Oh yes, now it started to be fun.  
For Roger, at least.  
He repeated everything all over again, from the gently touches to the biting and pinching, and this time Johnny was a quivering mess, constantly pleading for more.

“Again, Johnny, what do you want?”

“Bitemyfuckingnipples.”

“Is there any way I can make sense of this?”

That`s when John`s head came up from the pillow and his hands grabbed Roger`s shoulders hard enough to leave bruises.

His eyes were almost black with lust.  
“Bite! My! Fucking! Nipples!”

“Well well well, my dear, mind your hands, will you? You're not giving orders here, John Taylor. That might work with your willing groupies, you know, but with me, you ask nicely for what you want, understand? Try again.”

John's hands slipped powerlessly from his shoulders.  
“Please, Roger,” he whispered.  
Okay, enough for now. Not exactly what he wanted to hear,   
but enough for now.  
He dug his teeth into one of those pretty nipples, and not very gently.

He could barely catch John's hand on the way to his cock, holding the wrist mercilessly tight while he sucked and bit this delicious nub.

“Ah…ah…ah…ah! No! Fuck, noooo, I`m….gonna…aaaaaaaah!”

Just like that, John came. Hard. Without a single touch of his cock.  
Fucking amazing.

Roger quickly backed off to get the full view of it.  
Thick white ropes of cum covered John`s flat belly, his chest, a few drops even made it up to his chin.  
His eyes were wide open and he stared at Roger with a mixture of bliss and shock.  
It was exactly this look that robbed Roger of his last spark of self-control.

“Hm hm hm, so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, Johnny!”

On shaky legs he stood, had his aching cock out of his pants in a split second and wanked frantically, holding eye-contact with John as their cum mixed on the sweaty skin of a puzzled bassist.

Then Johnny`s eyes widened even more, even though Roger couldn`t see it as he dropped to his knees beside the shaking man and bent to lick off all the sticky mess.

John squirmed like an eel under Roger`s tongue, panting and chuckling, the sensations too much to bare, but Roger held him firmly in place until he was finished, until this delicate skin was neatly cleaned.  
“You look so pretty when you come.” Roger said quietly.  
Still taken by the intensity of both their orgasms, he was unable to maintain any form of dominance.  
“So do you. You have a really impressive cock. Just as the rumours would have it.”  
“Well, John Taylor, for a late developer you are a very quick learner.” Roger chuckled as he got rid of his clothes and crawled into bed beside his Johnny angel.  
“Having an excellent teacher, I guess. Wow! That was…wow.”  
“Indeed.”  
“Rog?”   
“Hm?”  
“I …you know, it really turns me on, you being so…bossy. Never thought I could get so horny just from talking. Not to mention coming from a bite, duh! Is that..I mean…normal? Did it happen often when you played with others?”

“John, could we stop talking about others? I've never seen anyone so receptive, so responsive, and that`s the utter truth.”  
“But…”  
“Jooohn! I swear, I will go get the gag if you won`t stop it.”  
“Rog?”  
“Yes, John?”  
“I think I`d like to see that shed again. Maybe not now, but…”  
“No need to rush things, Johnny angel.”

They spent a few cosy, cuddly hours in bed before their empty stomachs demanded to be filled. Although they both put their clothes back on before they went into the kitchen, Roger noticed that John did not take off the leather cuffs or the collar.

_Interesting. Very interesting!_

Roger was putting their plates in the dishwasher when a car drove into the driveway.  
“Who`s that?” John wondered.  
“Bella and Chase. I completely forgot about them. Shame on me, because we meet every Thursday. Is that ok with you? I can tell them to leave if you want.”  
“Nah. I like Bella.”  
“You`ll like Chase as well.”  
John still made no attempt to remove the collar.  
This could be exciting.   
Chase and John. Very exciting.  
With a broad smile he went to open the door.  
Maybe he should have warned John about Chase. But it was just more fun that way.  
“is he here?” Chase blurted, just shoving Roger aside and stomping past him.  
Bella and Roger followed the man into the kitchen to find the two staring at each other, Chase with unfettered curiosity and John visibly confused.

“Man, honestly, you look exactly like you do in the videos. A little bit older, but you look really good. You weren't looking so good in the early '90s, drugs, huh?”

“Eh..”

“Man, you wearing a collar already? You guys don't waste any time, do you?”

“Chase Montgomery, would you take it down a notch?” Bella chuckled. “ Sorry, John. He can't help it; he always has to say exactly what he thinks. It just comes out, unfiltered and unembellished.”

“Uh, that`s ok. He`s right, huh? Hi. John. Me. As you may have guessed.”

“Chase. You have really long fingers. I look weird, right? I'm a freak of nature, you know? My parents are both white, but somewhere in my line of ancestors, there was probably someone darker-skinned. So I look like I've been on a tanning bed too long. It doesn't quite match my blonde hair, I know. Maybe I should dye it black, what do you think?”

“Eh…nah. Actually, I think it suits you. It's a little confusing seeing you for the first time, but..”

“I like you, John Taylor. You are an honest man. We really need to talk. God, there's so much I want to know. But why don't you go into the living room, please? I'll make some coffee. You do drink coffee, don't you, John? We brought cake, I'll get plates out and everything.”

“He's excited, you know?” Bella smiled as she went to the living room with the two Taylors. “ You`re the first man at Roger`s side since…well, a long time, and he really cares for Rog. Chase is special. The living example that genius and madness are very close to each other. He has an IQ of 197, and he can't stop thinking. It's fucking exhausting sometimes. But at least life with Chase Montgomery never gets dull.”

“Really? 197? Unbelievable!” John was deeply impressed.

Well, everyone was either very impressed or very scared when they first met Chase Montgomery, and Roger was glad that John belonged to the first category. But like Bella said, Chase could be exhausting and not everyone felt good around him. His straightforwardness was too much for many and quite a few felt overwhelmed or even humiliated by his unfiltered, merciless honesty.

Chase could be in ten places at once with his mind, but polite modesty was probably not programmed into his brilliant brain.

“He's gonna ask you a lot of questions. Just let me know if it gets too much for you, okay?” Bella winked. 

John really wasn't spared, because as soon as Chase entered the living room, he went for it. 

" Say, John Taylor, what I was really wondering was, how does a womanizer like you suddenly turn gay? I mean, is that even possible? Science still doesn't agree on why some people turn gay. Our Roger said he's probably always been, just kind of too chicken to admit it. But you? I hope it's not just a phase. Rog is too good for that, you know?”

“Chase! I told you he met Vince.” Bella rolled her eyes.

“So what? I met Vince too and I still haven't turned gay. It's not like he has a rainbow-colored wand that makes all men gay. Although in Vince's case that would be a rainbow whip. Man, that would be nice, wouldn't it? A rainbow whip. Who says these things always have to be black? So, John, tell me. How do you get from female supermodels to little hairy drummers?”

“Excuse me? Little , hairy drummers? My arse!” Roger snorted.

“Yeah, Roger, I know, even your cute little ass is quite hairy, huh? Long way from a Renee-Simonsen or Amanda-de-Cadenet-ass to a Roger-Taylor-ass, that`s what I`m saying. Oh, coffee, anyone? And you have to try the cake. John! I baked it with Maribelle, our daughter. Speaking of daughters, how does yours feel about suddenly having a gay father?”

_Bloody hell! You selfish, ignorant idiot! You completely forgot about Atlanta, huh?_

“Oh, she wants me to marry George Clooney. After her lovely mother told her I was having an affair with Vince and I had to explain why I couldn't marry Vince.”

Roger was absolutely taken aback. Not in a million years had he thought that John already came out to his daughter, that he actually had been forced to do so. 

Even Chase seemed to notice that he`d gone a tad too far.

“Well…” he shrugged. “I bet she likes Roger better than George. Little girls love Roger. Maribelle is crazy about him. However, if I could give you a little tip, so from sub to sub, promise not to wear collars in front of nine-year-old girls.”

“Chase Montgomery, my IQ may not be nearly as high as yours, but do I look like a total idiot to you?”

_Ha! John Taylor, my Johnny angel, just made the genius of all geniuses speechless!_

Not for long, though  
.  
“Well, Bella, honey, if there' s a little girl running around here any time soon, we should really think about where to put all the stuff from the shed. I think whips and cages would be much harder to explain than collars.”

_A little girl. Here. Anytime soon. That`s…oh my! How the hell is this gonna work?_

Bella`s steel-grey eyes darted into his. His best friend knew him well enough to know what was going on in his head.

“Come, Chase. I think we'd better leave these two alone.”

“Why is that? We just got here.”

“Since you brought up this subject, dearest, the two of them will now have to talk in detail about John`s daughter, huh? Something they probably wanted to do later. But now it`s on the table, thanks to you. Goodness, Chase! The next time we come here, remind me to gag you before we enter the house, yes? Sorry about that, John. We`ll be glad to have you over for dinner tomorrow. Maribelle would be happy to meet you.”

Again, John surprised Roger as he said: “Don`t leave. I don't know you two very well yet, but I think it's great that Chase is so honest. And besides... well, you two live it up, right? With a kid. So it's possible, and it's nice to know that. Maybe we can talk about it together? Unless, Roger, you don't want to.”

Roger wrapped his arms around John and pulled him close.

“Whatever you want, Johnny.”

_What a pathetic selfish person I am. How can you forget that the man you fell in love with has a child?_

“Do you have photos?” Chase beamed.

_The antisocial genius knows better than you, you idiot! But, well, he's a dad, isn't he?_

John immediately ran beaming with joy to the guest room to get some photos and Roger buried his face in his palms. 

“Oh fuck! I fucked up, Bella!”

“Nonsense! I did!” Chase interfered. “No normal person seriously deals with the children of a bedfellow after only three days.”

“John isn`t a bedfellow, Chase! John has been one of my oldest and best friends. And even if he`d still be just that, I should have asked about Atlanta! Now the thing is, buddy, he isn`t just that! He's everywhere, Chase! In my house, in my heart, in my life, and I cannot and will not let him go, no matter how stupid it sounds after just three days. I am crazy about this man. With everything that comes with it, including nine-year-old daughters, whom, in all my hormonal infatuation, I have simply forgotten, I stupid fool!”


	9. Chapter 9

“You're not a stupid idiot.” It came quietly from the doorway. “ I didn`t want to talk about Beanie so soon.”

“Beanie?”

“That`s what I call her. Beanie. Because in the first ultrasound she looked like a little bean, huh?”

“How very fitting, beanpole. I`m still an idiot. You told me that you had a lot of trouble with Amanda. Nick told me the same. I should have at least asked about Atlanta, Johnny. Come here and show me your daughter.”

John`s hands were shaking a wee bit as he handed the album over to Roger. 

“She made it for me before I left. That reminds me, she says hi and wants me to tell you that you don`t have to hide behind a drum kit because she thinks you`re cute.”

The first photo covered almost the whole page. A very, very thin John with sunken cheekbones lay in a deck chair with a tiny baby on his stomach.  
With every picture the baby became a little older and her daddy became obviously healthier. Roger realized that with Atlanta's birth John had not only become a father, but that this was also the end of his longstanding drug addiction.

_I love you for that alone, Atlanta Bean. You saved your father._

The last pic showed John and his daughter smiling into the cam over a giant birthday cake. 

“ March 31th, her last birthday.”

“She looks a lot like you.” Bella, who was watching over Roger`s shoulder, said.

Roger cleared his throat. For some reason it felt tight and dry since he started to turn those pages.

“Yeah, she does,” he nodded. “She`s beautiful, Johnny. Would you excuse me for a minute? I want to smoke.”

_Oh, God, Roger, seriously? Are you running away now, you coward?_

He barely made it to the front yard before the first tears fell. He didn`t quite know why he was crying, though.  
Long, sinewy arms flung around him from behind.  
“If you want me to leave, just say it. I understand if this is too much. I won the custody battle, Roger, I'm a single father now, and I want to get Beanie here as soon as possible.”

“No, John, you're not.”

“Huh?”

“You`re not single. I understand if you want to get your own place with Beanie, but you're not single, okay? And if it's not too fast for you, I have a guest room that is no longer needed and which could be turned into a children's room. I have no idea why I'm crying, by the way. She really looks like you, you know? Do you think she's very disappointed that I'm not George Clooney?”

“Did you just ask me to move in with you? After not even four days?”

“ As I said, I understand if you if you'd rather have your own place, but..”

“One step at a time. We have a few weeks to ourselves, Roger, until summer vacation starts in LA., what will be the end of the school year. Then I'll bring her in and we'll see if you two get along.”

Roger spent the next few hours mostly listening.   
Bella and Chase told John about the best schools in the area, explained the English school system and told him funny stories about everyday life with their daughter. He didn't mind being just a listener. Because, in the end, he could do what he always did. Observe, draw conclusions, and hope he made the right decisions. 

For Johnny it was undoubtedly a good thing to talk to a couple who lived SM and had a child.

Roger himself had never had any doubts about the compatibility of both as he had known Bella, Chase and their daughter for years ,but he had to keep in mind that all this was new to John.

They ordered pizza for dinner and talked until Chase and Bella had to leave. Because their babysitter couldn`t stay any longer.

“197…I didn`t know that this is even measurable.” John shook his head, watching the car drive off.

“At 160, it becomes inaccurate, says Chase.”

Yet again Johnny flung his arms around him from behind, resting his chin on the top of his head  
.  
“I like that, beanpole.”

“We`re a perfect match, aren`t we, tiny tot?”

“We are, and who on earth would have thought that?”

_Make sure the little bean sprout will fit in just as nicely, huh? You`re gonna be a stepdaddy, how funny is that?_

Well, Atlanta wasn`t here yet, right? He still had John to himself.  
John, who still had his cuffs and collar on.  
One step at a time.  
He turned in John`s arms, glancing up to that stunning face.  
“Chase is right. You look like back then. Even better.”

Johnny`s smile could have lit up an entire ballroom.  
“I can only return this. These muscles look really good on you, and I like you a lot better in the non-shy version.”

“I like you best in the naked in my bed version, John Taylor.”

That smile got even bigger.  
“Yeah? Do you? Not the worst version of me, I have to agree.”

“What are you doing, Johnny? You trying out your playboy charm on me?”

“Well, does it work?”

“Surprisingly so.” Roger chuckled, stood on his toes and planted a kiss on that beautiful smile.   
Then he placed a flat hand on the back of John`s head, tilting it down and whispered into his ear. “But I`m not one of your supermodel girlfriends, remember? I guess they wanted you in bed a little different than me.”

He demonstratively hooked a finger into the metal ring on John`s collar, tugging it slightly before he let go.

John`s eyes widened as Roger stepped back and started to strip, that smile still lingering on his face while he watched the drummer getting all naked.

“Chase is right, huh? Long way from a Janine Andrews or Renee Simonsen to me.  
Your sudden change of mind is very unusual indeed. I think you have to convince me that you really prefer this to a woman's body.”

“Oh. I do!” John licked his lips and reached out a hand to let it run over Roger`s bare chest. “God, yeah, I do!”

He moved closer, cupping Roger`s face between his large hands, and leaned in for a deep, tender kiss.  
“You are stunning! Everything about you. I like this hard, compact body, I like the way your stubble feels when you kiss me. Your deep, manly voice, your strong hands, oh, I love to feel them all over me.” 

He bent to capture a hard nipple between his lips, sucking gently.  
His hands wandered down the smaller man`s back to the firm globes of his ass, kneading them, digging his fingers into the taught flesh.  
Roger moaned softly, and John stilled, releasing the stiff nipple from the warmth of his mouth.

“That ok?”

“Uh, you bet! Feel free to explore every inch of me. I'll let you do whatever you want.”

“Let`s move this to the bedroom then, yeah?”

Only a minute or so later, Roger was sprawled over the mattress just like Johnny had been earlier, a now also naked bassist kneeling between his spread legs.  
Again, a nipple disappeared in a warm , wet mouth and was sucked in, an eager tongue swirling around the stiff nub.  
John shifted and Roger felt his hard member pressing against his own and heavy balls resting on his.  
They moved together, rubbing their bodies against each other until a thin layer of sweat formed between them. Their movements became a slippery, hot glide, cock on cock, stomach on stomach, the air filled with their moans.

John let go of Roger`s nipple to kiss his mouth, tongue diving deep, and with the change of position, Roger`s cock slid in the sweaty crack of his ass. Both stilled, snap-frozen. Johnny`s eyes darted into his, and like in slow motion, Roger started moving again. His hard shaft slipped the full length through the hot, wet crack.

_Goodness, oh fuck!_

He reached down, spread the muscled cheeks with both hands, pressing his cock against the slick skin before squeezing those globes tightly together, trapping his own cock between them

.  
 _Almost. Almost like fucking_

John gasped.  
“I won't penetrate, Johnny. Relax. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? I'm just rubbing up against you, just like before.”

_Maybe you like it. Maybe you like the way my dick glides over your sweet hole. Maybe you like to be touched there. Oh God, please, give it a try, Johnny angel!_

John gave a small nod, but he didn't look too happy about it.  
His pretty, rigid cock became all flaccid. 

_Congrats, Roger Taylor, you have successfully killed the mood. Fix this._

“Sorry. I said you can do whatever you want, and here I am, trying to talk you into something you obviously don`t want. I am sorry, John. I would love to show you that it feels fantastic and you have nothing to be afraid of, really. It's been a while since I last bottomed, but…”

“Are you saying you want me to fuck you?”

“What better way to prove to you that it's something beautiful?”

“I…I can`t do that.” Now John looked completely horrified. Oh, great! 

_Well done, you made things even worse, you idiot!_

“You…you like that? I wouldn't have thought so.”

“As I said, been a while since I had a cock in me, though I use dildos every once in a while or my fingers, whatever.”

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“ Because it feels good, Johnny, that is what I`m trying to tell you. It feels good, it`s nothing to be afraid of, it`s not a Dom-sub- thing, nothing that hurts or is humiliating. It simply feels good. I clearly prefer top to bottom, admittedly, but the anus, even mine, is a very erotic body part to play with, so is the prostate.”

John bit his lower lip and squint his eyes together. Roger could almost hear the rattling in his brain, so intense he seemed to be thinking. Apparently he liked what he was thinking about, because his cock was filling up again.  
“Be right back,” he finally blurted out and left the room in a flash.  
He was back as quickly as he had disappeared, a wooden box in his hand.  
Roger knew what it was right away.

“Show me. Use it and let me watch. Brand new, full batteries.”


	10. Chapter 10

_Alright. Ok. That`s what comes of it, huh?_

He stretched, reaching out for the drawer of his nightstand.  
Johnny was still standing at the foot of the bed like it was stuck there, cock now fully erect.  
Roger would not take his eyes off him, searching blindly with his hand in the drawer until he found the tube of lubricant. He brought his legs up, heels digging into the mattress, and let the knees fall apart.

“Come closer. Sit .”

“I'm fine here, thanks.” He threw Roger the small box. 

Fuck, that was weird. Roger thought he was past the point of embarrassed shame about sex, but knowing that John was staring right between his legs made him kind of nervous.  
Well, he brought this on himself, didn't he? Still, this was harder than he thought, as it was not quite like the usual.  
That John was still cuffed and collared seemed kind of ironic and didn`t sit well with Roger.  
But then, it`s John, right? Not just any almost anonymous play partner that he didn't know much more about than his first name.  
Eyes locked with John`s, he lifted his heavy balls, exposing the puckered entrance underneath. Holding the ball sac out of the way with one hand, he stuck the thumb of the other in his mouth, wetting it generously with spit before he stroked over the shrivelled skin around his hole.  
John`s gaze dropped down to where the action happened, the familiar tongue tip showing between his lips.  
A clear dewdrop emerged from the slit of his cock.

_Uh! Now that`s hot, goodness!_

He pressed the thumb against the tightly closed muscle ring, making a bit of a show of it for his one-man-audience, before the finger finally disappeared by half.  
He moaned softly, because, show or not, it actually felt really good.  
At that point, he decided not doing this for John`s entertainment, but for himself.  
He closed his eyes, blanked out John's presence, and celebrated the fun of playing with himself, as he always did when he had time for more than just a quick wank.

Something he liked very much in anal play, whether alone, in twos and no matter whether at the giving or taking end, was that it needed time. Time to let loose, literally and figuratively spoken.

You had to be able and willing to get involved, whether with yourself or someone else.  
Nothing could be forced or accelerated, you were ready when you were ready, and he enjoyed getting there just as much as reaching the final goal.  
The index finger joined the thumb, then the middle finger slipped in. He skilfully opened the lubricant tube with one hand and reached for the wooden box.

Eyes still closed, completely concentrated on his own feelings, he covered the toy with the cool gel and when he replaced his fingers with the vib, he cried out a shaky  
*uuuuuh, yeeees.*  
Then he slowly realized that this exclamation had been in two voices. A duet. On the beat. In perfect sync.  
John. John was there. John was watching and with him, so very with him.

“God, Johnny!” he panted, imagining it would be John's long fingers holding the toy, that it was John who would slowly push it into him.

And then it happened, as if his thoughts had magical power, the power of turning fantasies into reality.  
The mattress shifted with added weight and his fingers were covered with longer ones.  
Roger moaned, free hand wandering to his cock as his eyes finally flew open.  
A lanky bassist was kneeling between his legs again, one hand over his at the sex toy, wanking himself frantically with the other, just like Roger did as soon as his fist firmly enclosed his own shaft.  
They were perfectly together, absolutely perfectly matched.  
When Johnny found the switch on the vibrator and pressed it, Roger's world exploded.

“Fuck, uh!” he chuckled once he`s finally able to breathe again. “That thing has a lot more power than the one I have, I tell you!”

“Are you ok? Man, you were really out of it. You showered us in cum, dear God. Like a geyser or something.”  
John was next to him, stroking his sweaty wet hair and looking at him so lovingly that Roger yet again felt a lump in his throat from emotions so strong they even made it beyond the orgasmic bliss.

“That`s what happens when you hit the sweet spot with the strongest possible vibrations without any warning. Hold me, Johnny, I feel like Jell-O.”

Johnny cuddled up to him the way it became so familiar in those very few days and Roger was half asleep when he thought of something.

“I wasn't the only one who came violently, was I?”

“Naaaah.” John murmured, flinging a long leg over Roger`s hip.  
Without looking at John, he knew that this lovely face was all pink again, and he drifted over to dream world with a satisfied little smile, knowing that John would not remain a virgin for very much longer.

They started the new day just like the one before, with making music, then coffee and a light breakfast before driving to the nearest grocery store.  
They had never talked about how they should behave in public, but somehow it was natural that they held hands and exchanged little kisses. Of course, John wasn't wearing a collar  
“I'd like to bring Maribelle a little something tonight. Any ideas?” John asked when they put their groceries in the trunk and he spotted a gift shop across the street.

“She collects hedgehogs. Prepare yourself for highly philosophical discussions about hedgehogs.”

For one second or two, an utter sadness showed on Johnny`s handsome face.

_Missing you girl, don`t you?_

“Hedgehogs. I like hedgehogs. Strange animals. I'm gonna go over there and see if I can find something in that shop, okay?”

Roger lit a cigarette as John crossed the street.

He would have to talk to Danny as soon as possible.

_Your life is changing more than you ever thought possible, Roger Andrew._

Surprised, he discovered that this thought excited him more than it worried him.

Back home, John spent a full two hours on the phone and Roger didn`t have to ask to whom he was talking.  
In his mind he briefly went through all his gay friends. Was there anyone with children?

All the S&M stuff wouldn't be important in everyday life with Atlanta, but the fact that they were a gay couple was.

Ah! Of course!  
Theron and Dylan!  
Greek-born Theron had brought two children into the relationship, two boys, slightly younger than Maribelle and Atlanta, if he remembered correctly. 

Well, looked like the list of the people he`d have to call was growing longer and longer.  
After all, John still had to meet two others from his inner circle, Faye and Mason, former bandmates, absolutely straight and vanilla.  
So normal it hurts.

He had underestimated the bush drums, because as soon as John hung up, the doorbell rang.

There was, oh, wonder, Faye. 

“Is that true? Is that really true? Tell me it's not true, please!”

“Faye! How nice to see you! Why don`t you come in? “

“ Is he here?”

“Who?”

“Stop fucking with me, asshole! Him! The one and only! The bass god, the sex god, the... oh!”  
He didn't have to turn around to know that Johnny had come up behind him.

“Come in, Faye,” he grinned.

“He heard that, huh?” she whispered.

“Most likely. He may be a bass-slash-sex god, but he's not deaf.”

“Have I ever told you that you're totally mean? You're evil, Roger, really evil!”

“Christ, Faye, come in, will you? He doesn`t bite.”

John was leaning at the wall, grinning, holding out a hand for poor Faye.

“He`s right, no biting from my end. John, nice to meet you. All flattered.”

“Faye, nice to meet you too, all embarrassed. Forget the sex god-part. But for the bass-part, I became a bass player because of you, seriously. Can you imagine how I felt when Roger showed up for our drummer audition? God, that was weird! Not half as weird as standing here, babbling bullshit, though.”

“How much coffee did you have, sweetie?” Roger chuckled.

“Not enough; Rog, not enough!”

The woman looked from Johnny to Roger and back again.  
“There are…rumours, guys. Terrible rumours. My neighbour just called me and said she saw you holding hands at the mall. And then I called Bella, and Bella said I didn't know the half of it yet, so I called Danny, and I think Danny`s still laughing and…what the hell?”

Her jaw dropped when John flung his arms around Roger and rested his chin on the top of his head.

“Uh. No rumours, then; I guess. I need coffee. Twelve-year-old me is in deep mourning. And you know what really sucks, Roger? I can't even hate you because you're my friend and I love you.”

“I love you too and you are my second favourite bass player in the world. Come in the kitchen, I'm making coffee.”

“I'll be right with you; I just want to make one more call.” John kissed his lover`s hair before he went back into the living room.

Faye followed Roger to the kitchen, closing the door behind them.

“How the hell did THAT happen?” she blurted.

“I don't know. It just happened. Oh, man, did it just happen! Like, booom!” Roger beamed.

“But…fuck, Roger! The man is into women, and he's not into the whole sado-masochist thing, he's just... oh God, Roger, no! You didn't do that! You didn't drag John Taylor into your freaking shed!”  
“What can I say, Faye? We're good together in every way imaginable.”

“There are things I don't want to imagine. No, I really don't. Oh, goodness!”

She bumped her forehead on the table top.

“Stop it, you're gonna hurt yourself.” Roger laughed.

“Oh, come on, you'd like that!”

“Why would I like it that you get a concussion at my kitchen table? That wouldn't be sexy even if I was straight.”

“So, you and the sex god, huh?”

“Yes. Me and the sex god.”

“Wow. That`s…”

“Huge, Faye. It`s huge. And wonderful. And a wee bit scary, and wonderful. And…”

“You're in love! You're in love with John Taylor!”

“Oh, yes. I haven't felt this way since…” he trailed off. 

“Tony.” Faye said softly, reaching for his hand. “It's about time you got over that little weirdo, Roger. What he wanted was sickening. And you not going along with it is a sign of your sanity. Oh, hi, bass god!”

In passing John squeezed Roger`s arm, letting him know he heard that part about Anthony.  
_At some point you'll have to tell him the sordid details._

“I thought you wanted to make coffee. I'll get out the chocolate cupcakes. Since we are invited to dinner today, I think we can skip lunch, huh?”

“I take care of the coffee. If you like yours strong, that is. So, you will have dinner with the Montgomerys, yeah? Have you met them yet?”

Roger smiled as he watched Faye and John side by side at the kitchen counter. With every minute Johnny became more integrated into his world. In every imaginable way.

The front door was pulled open before they even rang the bell and the girl jumped right into Roger's arms.  
“Uncle Roger! Daddy and I made tacos.”

“Yummy! That's great, because we're really hungry!”

“Is that your boyfriend? He's so much taller than you. Hi, I`m Maribelle. Do you like tacos? Wow. You are tall! And skinny. And why are you wearing glasses? You never wear glasses in the videos. I think I like Rio best. Or save a prayer for the elephants. I love elephants. Almost as much as hedgehogs. Your name is John, right? Why is your daughter named Atlanta? It's a city! It's funny when girls are named like cities. I have the same name as my mother. And why did this woman kiss Roger in the video? Didn't she know he was gay? That I talk this much is genetic, my father says. And I'm so excited because Uncle Roger never even brought a boyfriend. Come, let me show you my hedgehog collection, John.”

Bella stood laughing in the hallway as her daughter flashed past her with John by the hand.

“So he went away and was never seen again. Come in, uncle Rog.”

“She's becoming more like Chase every day.” he grinned 

“Oh, God forbid! She likes him. So, Faye came over, huh? I didn't know what I could tell her and I didn't realize that she used to have an enormous crush on your John.”

“Half the world had an enormous crush on my John. And you know what's funny? I never understood why. He was Nigel. Just Nigel.”

“Sex gods are not called Nigel.” Bella chuckled.

“Sex gods are called Taylor.” He winked

“Oh yeah, man sure! You're as conceited as you are short, aren't you?”

“Look who's talking, pipsqueak.”

Giggling and teasing each other, they went into the dining room were Chase was setting up the table.

“Wow, the good china. Is the Queen still coming over?” 

“Maribelle wanted to impress your man. Where is he?”

“He was kidnapped.” 

“So she likes him. I like him too, by the way. Sorry about yesterday. How do you feel about becoming a stepdad?”

“I think I should give Theron a call.”

Bella and Chase exchanged a glance.

“If I wasn't supposed to see that, you should have worked on your non-verbal communication. What is it?”

“It's just... you've really put yourself through this, haven't you? You make plans. You seriously think about what it would be like to have a kid in the house.” Bella said, stroking his arm.

“John has a kid, so I guess I have to think about it.”

“To repeat Chase's question, how do you feel about that?”

“Last night I would have said it scared the hell out of me. But now…do you think it`s crazy? I don`t want to be without him again. Maybe this is really stupid after such a short time, but still…I mean, after all, I know him for almost all my life…”

“No, you don`t. You just told me he`s always been *just Nigel* for you. What changed, Roger?”

“Everything. He. Me. I want…I don`t know, everything. He`s…you guys think I'm crazy, right?”

“Yes. You are. But we are perfectly fine with it. Because, God knows love is crazy. Love doesn't ask first whether you want it or not right now. Love just happens. I knew in five minutes that Chase was my future husband. We're just worried that John might change his mind.”

“About what?”

“About being attracted to men. About being a sub. Whatever.”

“You wouldn`t say that if you'd seen what I saw. He definitely is a sub. He is still a little afraid of, you know, gay sex, but he wants to learn, I confess, it is not exactly easy for me to constantly stand with both feet on the brakes when it comes to sex, but I do not doubt that he wants me as much as I want him.”


	11. Chapter 11

“We can see that, Roger!” Chase shrugged. “ Still, come on, you have to admit, it`s weird that a man who was with …well, a lot of women, suddenly is interested in men. I like him, he is honest, and he surely thinks that’s what he wants, I`m not saying he`s a liar. I just don`t want you to be the guinea pig for John`s *I think I'm a gay sub* - experiment. John experimented a lot, didn't he? Alcohol, drugs, women...”

“Chase, I know you can't help it. You always have to say what you think. But if you keep talking about John like that, I'm gonna punch you in the face, you understand?” Roger growled, clenching his fist. 

“Honey, go free your John from the clutches of our daughter. We don't wanna ruin this for you. And if you're honest, Chase was right about everything he said. He could have been nicer about it, yes, but he's right! We just don't want you to be unhappy.” Bella sighed.

“”I haven`t been happier for years! Yeah, women, drugs, alcohol. All that is the utter truth, okay? But he fucking changed, I told you that! Fuck, you think you get your ass whipped blue when you're not really into it? You think I can`t tell if someone is all gone to subspace? Do you fucking think that`s something anyone could fake? He`s not thinking * oh, I might be a gay sub*, he IS a gay sub! “

“Wow, ok! Calm down, will you? We care for you, we are worried about you, because we love you, you stubborn idiot, and we want you to be happy, so when it`s John, it`s John, alright? But we will never put pink glitter on our thoughts and not only Chase will always tell you exactly what he thinks.”

Roger took a deep breath.

_They are your friends. They are always honest, and that`s a good thing. Even if you don`t want to hear about that, it`s a good thing._

He hugged Bella shortly before he went to Maribelle`s room. He knocked, and when there was no reaction, he slowly opened the door, poking his head in.

Johnny and the girl sat cross- legged on the carpet, surrounded by an army of hedgehogs.  
Maribelle picks one up, holding it under John`s nose.  
“And that`s Cyril. He's from Cyprus. Cyprus, Cyril. I got it from Vince. He`s my godfather. Mom said you know him.”

“Yeah, I do. Have you ever been to Los Angeles?”  
“Oh, many times. I like it there; do you miss it?”

“Hmmm…nah. I miss Atlanta, of course, and , well, the warmth, but not the place, you know. It was…well, just a place. Not a home.”

Roger cleared his throat.

Dang, he was going all fuzzy with emotions again. There was something about Johnny and Maribelle having that somehow very deep conversation that made his heart swell.

_He`s a daddy. My Johnny is a daddy_

“Sorry to interrupt, but dinner`s waiting.”

“Oh, look, uncle Roger, John brought me a rose quartz hedgehog. It`s so pretty!”

“Wow, it really is! And so tiny. Do you have a name yet?”

“I’m not sure if it`s a boy or a girl. It looks girlish, though, at first sight, but then, Jonah looks girlish, too, and he`s a boy. Is it because he`s gay? Hm, no, probably not. You are gay and you don`t look girlish. Oh, do you think there are gay hedgehogs?”

“Sure. I heard of gay penguins, lions and storks, why not gay hedgehogs?” Roger shrugged, chuckling.

John unfolded his long legs and got on his feet, holding out a hand for Maribelle.  
“I don`t know about gay animals, but I know about a certain gay bass player who`s close to starving.”

The girl giggled, then smiled when John gave Roger a quick kiss on the cheek.

They winked at each other, Roger and Maribelle.

_If it's not a problem for her, maybe it's not a problem for John's Beanie._

It was almost midnight when they came back into Roger`s house.  
Friday night, a time when Roger would normally be at Danny`s , the club or the shed when he wasn't visiting his parents in Brum.  
Well, that was before certain bassists apparently decided to change their whole life completely and therefore also his.

“Say, what happened to the band?,” that bassist asked, after he sat on the carpet in front of Roger`s armchair.

_Is there a purpose behind this? Does he want to be at my feet?_

“Huh?”

“You said when you moved to London, you joined a band, and Faye mentioned a drummer audition. So, what happened to the band?”

“Oh. Creative differences, I'd say. Rock section versus Synthpop section. Was quite a déjà vu.”

“And the band wasn`t worth fighting for?”

“We are not talking about the London band here, are we?”  
“Negative.”

“No, John, the band wasn`t worth fighting for. Both bands weren`t. As for Duran, I felt torn apart. All four of you have been pulling on me, and there was Gio, too, as she wanted to have a family. So I thought leaving would be the best option. I still think that. It was the right thing to do. And now it`s the right thing to get back together. I just felt it when Nick called me.”

“I feel it, too. I think we`re ready for this.”

“You know this is all happening because you met Vince?”

“I actually think it`s happening because we all know who we really are now. What we want.”

_You. I want you!_

Maybe, just maybe, he should skip the pink flowers and all. Maybe John really needed consistent control. Strict domination. 

Did he sit here on the floor, in front of Roger, on purpose, his feet under his ass in a position that you could almost, but only almost, call kneeling?  
Did he want to and just couldn't?

“And what exactly do you want, Johnny?” he asked, voice casual as fuck .

“Being part of the rhythm section with you again.”

Oh well, obviously he got it wrong. John was in musician-mode, not in *I want to be a proper sub and need your help*-mode. 

“You are, John. We are. The one and only rhythm section.”

“Well, I guess THAT is something you don`t have to stand on the brakes for with both of your feet, right?”

“Wha…fuck, you heard that? How the hell…”

“The hedgehog for Maribelle, it was in the pocket of you jacket. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I was just walking past the dining room to ...no, that's not true. I was eavesdropping. Well, at least you don't think I'm pretending. Because I'm not. I want you. It's not a phase or anything, you know. And I don`t…I don`t want you to hold back. I want all of it, and I want it with you. It`s just…I need to be forced.”

“I`m not forcing you to have sex with me, John. I …well, I…you know what forced sex is called, John? It`s called rape. I can tie you up, I can spank you, giving you pain, whatever, but I can`t fucking force you to take my dick in your sweet virgin ass, John Taylor! You … God, you were scared as fuck just having my cock rubbing over your crack! That`s not what I want. I don`t want to scare you, hear me? I want you to enjoy what we do.”

“Has it perhaps ever occurred to you that one can also enjoy a certain amount of fear? That maybe it's part of wanting to overcome yourself? That maybe you enjoy being forced to be happy? I... yeah, man, I'm scared of it. But I still want it. I don't want you to have both feet on the brake, I want you to make me stop being scared. You said you make me want things. You said you'd make me beg for them. Make me beg for it. Make me fucking beg for your cock up my ass!” 

_Holy fucking mother of God! Bloody fucking breathe, Roger! Breathe!_

The feeling was familiar. It was what he had just told John about.  
He felt like he was being pulled. Only this time it wasn't his band mates who were pulling at him but his different needs.  
Common sense said you can't do that.  
Greed screamed take him, he's yours  
Love asked what had become of the pink flowers.  
And finally the control freak in him grinned triumphantly. See, you promised him. He only wants what you promised him. That means you're good, man. You're really, really good.

“John,” he said softly, deciding that it`s the best just to be honest. “I am confused. I need to sort myself out, to get a grip. Why don't you go upstairs, okay? “

“Are you…you don`t think it`s true, do you? What Chase said. That it`s a phase and you`re some sort of guinea pig?”

“No. No, I don`t think so. I think you should go upstairs, go into the bathroom, get that enema kit from under the basin. Then I want you to think real hard about what you want. Do you really want this, Johnny? If the answer is yes, use the kit. It`s no and you leave it in the sink, so I can see it. I'll be there in half an hour.” 

Then he slipped out of the chair onto the carpet and pulled John close for a deep kiss.

“You are killing me, John Taylor!” he growled.


	12. Chapter 12

He was more than just a little surprised when John pulled back and practically raced up the stairs to the bedroom with the in suite bathroom. He would have thought that the mention of an enema would unsettle him, that he would at least have questions about it.

But then, John had been a regular guest at a gay couple`s home, so he may knew more than Roger was aware of.

Oh, God.

He`s got 30 minutes. 30 minutes to think about what just happened and how to deal with it.

John had offered himself on a silver plate, hadn’t he? 

He had asked if they could make it a Dom/ sub-thing before, yeah. But for some reason Roger thought that was just for the scene-bits and not for the sex.   
Hm. But then, in a proper D/s relationship, the sex was part of it, right?  
The power differential would not be limited to scenes.

That was what they were heading towards at quite a speed, and it was a wee bit overwhelming.  
He still knew so little about John, about the new John, and the thoughts of the old one, of his friend and band mate Nigel, don't really fit in.

Roger went outside for a smoke, watching the starry skies.

_You said you make me want things. You said you'd make me beg for them. Make me beg for it. Make me fucking beg for your cock up my ass!  
Christ! So, my thought about skipping the pink flowers part was more than right, huh? _

Still, he didn`t really feel comfortable with using dominance for taking away Johnny`s virginity. Goodness, he never took someone`s virginity, dominant or not.

And he really wasn't that little, was he? Simon's legendary *two hands* remark might have been exaggerated, but well, as mentioned, he was well equipped.

Maybe they should try something else first, instead of going all out.

John had after all said himself that he didn't even know if he liked it.

Roger looked to the garden path leading to the shed and slowly something like a plan developed in his head.

A plan that made his trousers tighten.  
John wanted to learn; John would learn.

Patience , for example. 

He wanted to beg, and he would. 

With a bright smile and a throbbing heart Roger followed the path to fetch some things out of the playroom. 

_Now let`s see of my Johnny really had prepared himself properly_

He took his time in front of the ajar bedroom door, breathing in and out until he felt confident enough to let the Dom in him taking the lead here.  
It was so much harder when it was about more than just a play, when love was involved.

Even though it was probably the hardest thing he ever did he ignored the naked man on the bed completely when he finally walked in, making a bee-line to the bathroom. 

No unused enema kit in the basin.

Oh yes, John Taylor preferred running jumps once he was up to something.  
To be on the safe side, he looked in the trash can, and indeed, there lay the empty little plastic bottle with the long spout.

He almost pumped his fist in the air triumphantly at that, but well, this would be awkward, huh? And Doms weren`t awkward, no sir.

Again it took all the willpower he could muster not to look at Johnny on the bed when he went for the little bag with toys he had left outside the bedroom.

He would find out if John really trusted him, if he really wanted to be forced.

Was he really ready to give himself, completely?

Or was it just the curiosity of the newcomer, the desire to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible, only to find out that the reality was not quite like the wishful thinking?

Roger dropped the bag beside the bed and allowed himself to look at John. The gloriously naked John, and he bit down a chuckle as he noticed he was lying flat on his stomach, breathing heavily into the pillow.

Why did everyone think you have to be on your stomach for anal sex?   
And was he expecting Roger to just jump on him?  
Goodness, he had absolutely no clue, definitely.   
Despite this, or perhaps because of it, John's apparent willingness was somehow touching. A bit scary, too.

“You remember your safe word, John?”

“Fender.”

It came shaky and breathless.  
“Again, you can trust me to immediately stop with whatever I`m doing when you use it, and I trust you just as much that you WILL use it if needed.”  
“Yes, Roger.”  
“Turn.”  
John seemed surprised, but he obeyed.

_Adorable! So fucking adorable!_

Roger took something out of the bag he had brought and watched John's reaction.

The beautiful eyes widened and the tip of the tongue appeared between slightly trembling lips.  
Although Johnny's cock was soft between his thighs, he seemed more curious than afraid.  
Good. 

“Do you trust me enough for this, Johnny angel? I'll tell you exactly what I intend to do. You're gonna bring your knees up to your chest as far as you can and grab your ankles. With these two ropes I tie your wrists to your ankles. These are very soft ropes, they don't chafe, but still it will be a bit uncomfortable.”

_And you will be open and helpless. Presenting that virgin hole with no chance to cover it_

John swallowed, his Adam's apple was bobbing frantically and Roger cheered mentally as he hesitantly did as he was told.

The burgundy ropes looked really nice against John's California tan, just as Roger had thought.

Only when Roger was done with the bondage, John realized the predicament this restraint had left him in, how exposed he was now and the pink in his face reached a shade so dark you couldn't even call it pink anymore. In fact, it quite matched with the rope-colour. 

“You wanted this to be a Dom-sub-thing, right? And if we do this, there are a few rules that I attach great importance to. One, you won't hide anything from me. No body parts, in this case. I know how hard this is, how we were raised not to show ourselves like this, so consider the ropes a help. Eventually, you won't feel the need to cover up in front of me. Second, when I ask you a question, I expect an honest answer. You are mine. Your body is mine and so are your thoughts. No hiding, Johnny, understand? You will not come until I allow you to. Because your lust is mine too. I want everything from you, John, and I will have it. Just when I want it.”

_Oh my, look at that! Is it my words that excite him or is it the ropes? Hm hm hm, anyway, very nice how that cock straightens up._

John swallowed again and the nervous tongue just worked overtime. He nodded, took a shivering breath, nodded again. He was obviously trying to say something, but couldn't find the words.

Roger had sat on the edge of the bed, now he bent down and took John's half hard cock in his mouth without warning while he cupped his balls with one hand , squeezing tightly 

“Roger!” John cried out.  
He released the delicious cock with a loud *plop* 

"Oh, one last thing, you will call me Sir. Unless you come, then you' re welcome to shout my name. But remember, no coming without my permission.”

_Oh, for real now, Roger? Could you be any more clichéd? Sir? Come on, that`s ridiculous!_

Roger tried to convince himself it was just a test. A test of how far John was willing to go. But he had to admit to himself that he was going for it, cliché or not. Much of what seemed silly to him not so long ago suddenly was right with John.

“Yes, Sir, I understand.” 

_Oooh! Fuck, that`s such a turn-on, bloody hell!_

He went for that beautiful cock again, drawing another cry from John.  
His hand wandered from the balls to the soft skin between the scrotum and the inviting hole, which was closed tightly. He pressed his thumb against the tender flesh, stimulating the prostate from outside, while he hollowed his cheeks and sucked as hard as he could. John moaned and Roger felt the sweet and salty taste of pre-cum on his tongue. 

Johnny was fully erect now, and after two long strokes over the shaft with a broad tongue Roger went to the balls, sucking one in, thumb still pressing that magic spot.

“Uh…uh …uh…” Johnny panted as Roger switched to the other ball, giving it the same treatment.  
He released that delicate piece of manhood with an obscene noise and John tensed when he replaced the thumb with his tongue, licking down to the enticing pucker, teasing it with barely a touch of his tongue tip. 

Since he remembered all too well how it felt to him, back when Anthony had taught him all about gay sex, Roger was sure that John would flee if he could. 

The darkest, dirtiest part of the human body, wasn't it?

The opening through which you get rid of the useless remains your body couldn't do anything with. The opening where smelly things come out and definitely nothing goes in. It`s against the nature or something.  
To be touched there for the first time was bizarre and disconcerting, you wanted to avoid that touch. Especially if it was a tongue that touched you.

At the same you could tell that it felt kind of good.  
Which was even more disturbing.

Yes, Johnny would at least back off now.  
If he could.

John whimpered, the sounds clearly more an expression of discomfort than pleasure, his dick getting soft again.

Roger`s head came up from the sweet, unwilling target and a firm hand wrapped around the almost flaccid cock.

“John,” he said softly. “I love that body of yours, I love all of it. Let it happen.”

“It`s…intimidating, Ro…Sir. “

“I know. Been there myself, Johnny. Try to stop thinking, concentrate on the feelings. I love tasting you. Everywhere. I love every part of you, and every part of you is mine. I want to enjoy what's mine, John. That's exactly what I'm going to do and you can't stop me.”

_That's bullshit and you know it, Johnny, right? Of course you can stop me. All you have to do is say the word. You have the power, John._

By now Roger thought he knew what John needed. The feeling of not being able to help himself, the feeling of being at his mercy. So he could let things happen.

The difficult part was to make John feel that there was no way out, and at the same time make sure that there was.

The dilemma of domination, the thin line between mindfuck and reality, between consensual pleasure and sexual violence.

That was especially difficult when the *victim* was tied up.  
Still, Roger believed that it helped John to let go.

Under his firm but gentle strokes the long, velvety cock had come to live again.

“You are so beautiful, my John, so beautiful.” Roger muttered before placing a few butterfly kisses on the mushroomed head of that adorable cock.

Then he took as much of it in his mouth as he managed at first try, having John gasping and jerking , as much as the ropes let him.

Letting a finger slip past his lips together with Johnny`s cock, he wetted both, dick and finger, pressing the digit against the throbbing vein at the underside of the now hard as steel shaft.

“Rog! God, Roger, yes, yes, yes!” John screamed, trying desperately to move in his restrains.

He backed off, letting go of the cock with a rich, wet sound.

“Pardon me?”

“Fuck, Roger, don`t stop this, don`t fucking stop this!”

“That, if I may say so, is not particularly submissive, John Taylor. You don't tell me what to do. You can ask me nicely, but you don't give me orders, understand?” 

He pressed a fingernail into the dripping slit and John moaned a prolonged *Please*

“That's better. We'll work on the rest later.” His wet finger stroked gently over John's tightly closed muscle ring and the man stilled, yet again like shock frozen. 

“I love your beautiful cock, Johnny, but now I'd like to take a look at this pretty little entrance of yours.”  
He tapped against the crinkled skin, holding John`s eyes with his. 

Adding a wee bit pressure, he rubbed over that sweet hole again. He made no attempt to penetrate him. Not yet.  
First of all John should get used to this kind of touch, realize that it was a pleasant feeling. And that Roger loved the sweet hole as much as he loved all of John, that there was no need to fight him, to fight the pleasure he could give with those touches.   
So he rubbed one finger gently over and around the little hole and started to wank Johnny slowly, never breaking eye contact while he did so.

After a short time John was less tense, he didn't squeeze his ass literally close any more. 

Even when Roger bent for the nightstand to fetch the lube, his eyes were fixed at John`s.

“That was very kind of you, Johnny, that you just turned on your stomach so inviting. But as you see, it doesn't work that way. When I fuck you from behind, you will be on hands and knees. But I prefer to look at you doing it, so I rather have you on your back, like now, with your legs spread wide and your delicate pieces exposed.”

John`s eyes widened, whether from his words or him coating two fingers generously with lube, he didn’t know.

_Easy, man! Take it slow. Listen to his body language. Look at his face._

With now slippery fingers he stroked again over the tender, closed bud, no longer distracting John by simultaneously fisting his shaft.

John`s attention should now be focused on exactly this point, on the stroking, slick fingers, with the understanding of what they had been made so slippery for.

This time his cock wasn`t deflating. 

_Good. You're beginning to enjoy it, Johnny, aren't you?_

The tight muscle loosened under his caresses and when he finally pressed a finger in, the half of it slid in at the first attempt.

They both hisses, John most likely from the unfamiliar feeling, Roger from the hot, velvety tightness that seemed to grip his finger like a vice.  
He pushed in deeper, bent the finger and immediately found the exciting little thing called prostate.

“Uhn! What…uh…stop…oh..oh. please, Roger…Sir…stop !”

_Yeah. Love, I know, that`s intense. Almost too much to bear, I know, sweet man!_

“I don't hear you saying Fender, John. You can say stop all you want, you can yell it or whimper it, you can beg me to stop, but I won't stop until you say your safe word.”

“Fen…oh, God! I …please…”

“Again, Johnny, if you want me to stop, say the word. Or was that supposed to be a *please keep going*, huh?”

“I…oh God. Oooooh God, I don`t know…I…aaaah!”

The second finger slipped in just as easy as John pressed against it, unconsciously making it even easier for the intruder.

“Oh, look at that, Johnny angel. You like it, don`t you?” Roger grinned smugly when John rocked his hips, forcing him in deeper. 

Roger himself didn't move, he let John fuck his fingers, knowing that the ropes would make it quite uncomfortable.

“Please!” John whimpered, followed by a desperate “Noooo!” when Roger pulled his fingers out.

“I want…Roger…Sir, please, don`t…”

“Patience, Johnny. I should take my clothes off, don't you think? But I have something here for you to sweeten the wait.” With that, he got a plug out of the bag. One of the smaller ones. Coating the rubber toy with another dollop of lube, he watched John panting and wiggling, pre-cum dripping from the swollen cock head.

“Yessss!” the bassist hissed when Roger pushed it in.

It took one hell of a lot of willpower not to rip his clothes off in a flash and instead slowly, very slowly open one shirt button after the other without letting John out of his sight.

_Fuck. John Taylor. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Well, I guess so. Hundreds of women. But no one has ever seen you like this, no one has ever seen you as beautiful as you are to me right now, tied up and with a plug in your divine ass. This is mine, mine alone._

Once he was naked, he untied the ropes around John's joints.  
John should be able to wrap the wonderfully long legs around him when he fucks him, he wanted to feel those large, slender hands on his skin when he buried his cock deep into the unfucked channel. 

His cock jerked from this thought alone.

Was John ready yet? Would he beg to be fucked?

He took a step back, grabbed his rock-hard dick and started wanking.

Johnny also reached for his own twitchy dick.

“Don`t you dare, John Taylor! No touching, or I will tie your hands. Tell me what you want. Ask me for it.”

“Please! Touch me! Fuck me! Anything. Whatever you want. Please.”

“No, John. I want to hear it. I want to hear exactly what it is you want from me.”

“Your cock, fuck, Roger, I want your cock! In my ass. Please, oh God, please, fuck me, fuck me, Sir!”  
When the tip of his rubber covered shaft breached the first ring of muscles, Roger was close to pass out.   
All dominance gone, he felt John`s scream around his cock, heard it with his heart, soft but strong inner walls sucking him in.

_Mine! MINE!_


	13. Chapter 13

Just as he had imagined, Johnny wrapped his legs around his hips, his heels pressing painfully into his buttocks.

_Fair enough. I know I`m hurting him, no matter how careful we go. So he can load some of this pain on me, right?_

“You're tearing me apart. Fuck, you're tearing me apart!” John screamed.  
Nevertheless he did not loosen the grip of his legs, still his long fingers dug into Roger's shoulders, pulling him even closer.

“Breathe, love. Breathe with me!”

Yet again Roger didn`t move, letting John set the pace, his inner muscles doing all the work until he was fully seated, his cock completely embraced ,his balls resting on John`s sweaty cheeks.

They looked at each other, holding perfectly still for several minutes.

“I love you, Nigel.” Roger croaked.

“Love you too, Sir. Love you so much.”

And then they found their own rhythm together, just like always.

Hard and fast as in Planet earth, alternating with soft and slow as in Save a prayer. And they wrote new music, created their own song, something completely different. 

Soft, damp hair tickled Rogers nose and he woke up with a hearty sneeze.

“Good morning, Sir.” John chuckled and Roger came up from the man`s armpit, where he had apparently buried his face.

“Looks like Sir is a little mole.” The bassist grinned.

“Looks like someone is asking for a proper spanking!” Roger grumbled but couldn`t help grinning himself.

“Did you sleep well, Johnny angel?”

“To tell you the truth, I haven't been sleeping much. But I was watching you sleep. Do you want some coffee, Sir?”

“You don`t have to do this, Johnny, you know?”

“Do what? Bringing you coffee?”

“Calling me Sir, beanpole!”

“But I want to. It feels right.”

“I'm very honoured, John. Still, it's a little too fast, don't you think? Look, I understand that you want to experience and learn as much as possible as soon as possible, but we can't have a 24/7 relationship right away. Such things must grow. They're not just there.”  
“But if that's how I feel! Is there something wrong with that? Don't you feel it?”

“Yes, my Johnny, I feel it too, but it scares me a little.”

“Why so? If we both feel that way, it can't be wrong, can it, Roger?”

“Things can go horribly wrong, John. No matter how much you want them! It is enough if two people do not have the same idea what such a relationship should be like. When one wants something completely different from the other.”

“You're talking about Anthony, right? What did he want that you didn't want?”

_No. I'm not ready for this. I don't want to talk about Tony, not yet._

“Roger”, John said softly, “you have to tell me what happened. Please. I need to know.”

Roger sighed.

John was right, wasn`t he? They had to talk about it. They had to talk about it before their relationship deepened.

“He wanted something I couldn't give him. It's hard for me to talk about, Johnny. I loved him, but he didn't want to be loved, you know? He wanted me to be hard and cruel to him. Just sometimes at first, then more and more. And I liked it, John. I liked it at the beginning. Now and then I liked it when he slept on the floor instead of in the bed. In the beginning I liked it, that he became more and more submissive, that I suddenly was always Master for him. I enjoyed the control he gave me. But then it became more and more tedious. He didn't do anything anymore without my orders. He even asked for permission to go to the bathroom. I had a perfect slave, Johnny, but I missed my partner. I want a partner, John. A submissive partner, yes, but one who thinks for himself. One who will kiss me and hold me and cuddle up to me in bed. One who lets me take charge, but doesn't mutate into a will-less shell.

And that's what happened to Tony, John. He didn't want me anymore. Me, Roger. He only wanted his Master, and a Master had to be cruel and cold in his opinion.

And I'm not, John. I never will be. 

I should chain him in the kitchen at night, he said. Because he wanted to be a slave without rights. I should lend him to others, punish him severely for the slightest mistake.  
Fuck, even punish him for nothing just because he`s a piece of shit. Piece of shit. Seriously. That's how he talked about himself

At first I thought it was role-playing. Role-playing games that I quite enjoyed. But it got worse every day, and it took far too long before I realized that this was really the life he wanted to lead. That it really made him happy. And it disgusted me, John. The man I loved disgusted me. And I felt guilty. I thought it was my behaviour that had made him what he thought he was. A piece of shit.

How the hell could I call the man I love a piece of shit? 

It got really bad when he realized how rich I was. Not that he was gonna rip me off or anything, no. He quit his job so he could be my full-time slave.   
But I sure as hell didn't want a full-time slave. A sub, yes, but not a slave.   
You understand the difference?  
The slave was thrilling in what I thought of as role-playing, not in every day live.   
We had no more life outside the BDSM scene. He didn't want to come with me to my parents, my brother or friends who had nothing to do with it.  
He lived in his own little world, and that world was not mine.

And when I finally told him that, he was gone the next day.  
Until last night, I never let anyone call me anything but Roger. All that Sir and Master stuff seemed wrong after what happened with Tony. But with you...God, John, you are so perfect it scares me!”

“I'm not Anthony. And what happened to him is not your fault, you hear me? I want to be everything that I am, Roger, and I know that with you I can. I apologize if I'm rushing you. You are right, I want to learn and experience so much and maybe I am a little too fast, but I swear to you, I never forget who I am or who you are. I have zero interest in being chained in the kitchen or sleeping on the floor, and being a full time slave is certainly not my stated goal in life. I like pain and I like to be dominated. But I also like to cuddle and smooch, to make music with you and to have dinner with friends. I would love to visit your parents, and I have always liked your brother. If you could get along with my daughter, if you could... I don't know, if you could maybe even love her, that's what I would want from life. I wish to share my life with you. Do you think it's possible? Do you think I can call you Sir and still find it outrageously cute when you bury your nose in my armpit like a little mole? “

Long arms and legs wrapped around Roger's warm body and this time he was the one who almost crawled inside John.

It was possible, wasn't it? He knew it was possible. Bella and Chase lived it. Theron and Dylan lived it.

And they were all family people. Families with children.

He buried his nose in that inviting armpit again, inhaling the scent of the man he loved.   
The man who was Nigel. Johnny. The beanpole.  
The man who was everything.

“Vole. Little vole. Fits better than mole.” John whispered with a chuckle.

“I'm not that little, beanpole.”

“Uh, no, that's right. Some places you've dug into feel pretty sore.”

“I could say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie.”

“Good, because I'm not sorry either. Although at first I actually thought I was getting torn up.”

“All a matter of practice.”

“Rog?”

“Hm?”

“Will you show me the shed today? I mean, like, really?”

“I will. Later. Now I want to be a little vole.”

They spent the whole morning in bed, and it was Roger who finally went to make coffee.  
Dust danced in the sunlight that shone through the kitchen window.

An unusual sunny day for England in mid-May.

Only a very few days after a horrified bassist had run out into the pouring rain.

Things had changed really fast. 

_I'm happy. I'm happy for the first time in years._

After a light and very late breakfast they played music together and John was the first to notice the visitor. 

The bald-headed black man standing grinning in a corner of the small studio.

“Looks like we have an audience.” John turned to the drum kit.  
Roger dropped the drumsticks.

“Mason! Man, you still have the keys, huh?”

“Thought it`s time to bring them back, Rog. But I didn't mean to interrupt. It's interesting to watch professionals at work. Faye had me all curious about the legendary rhythm section.”

While Johnny put his bass in the stand, the two men hugged each other warmly, then Roger smiled at Nigel.

“I told you about my inner circle, didn`t I? This is the last missing piece, Mason Carter. Once my therapist, now one of my best friends.”

“Oh well, I`m afraid I`m still his therapist, but he did it very cleverly. Because as my friend, he doesn't have to pay me for my wise advice anymore. Mason Carter, guitarist at heart and psychologist by vocation.”

“John Taylor, bass player, former drug addict, living gold mine for psychologists.”

“If you want, we can make an appointment right now.” Mason laughed as he took John`s offered hand. 

“I might take you up on that, Mr. Carter.”

“It’s Mason. And I was only joking. I certainly wouldn't therapize the partner of one of my best friends. But I could recommend a few good colleagues.”

Roger noticed immediately that the two of them got along right away.  
That Mason called John his partner delighted him more than he could put into words.  
Sure, he had talked to Bella and Faye, maybe even Danny, and he certainly knew what had happened in the last days, yet he was the first one to actually say it. Partner.   
Maybe it was because he couldn't do anything with this whole S&M thing. Or maybe it was because John was not the famous bass player for him but simply the man Roger had apparently fallen in love with.  
Of course SM would become an issue sooner or later, because Mason knew the story with Anthony. After all it was him who had assured Roger over and over again that he wasn't to blame for Tony's behaviour. And he was the one who broke off therapy and said Roger needed a friend much more than a therapist.

And as so often, he seemed to sense exactly when it needed someone like him.  
The sorted heterosexual man, who was so completely uninterested in pain and domination. Who didn't care that John and Roger had once played in one of the most famous bands in the world.

“You know, Roger, I should actually be mad at you for just cancelling our workouts. It's your fault if I get fat. But I understand, of course, that young love keeps you fit in other ways,” he winked. “How would you gentlemen like to join me for a bite to eat before my next appointment? Burgers and chips at Mike`s diner? They have excellent vegetarian burgers, John.”

“Great idea! I'm starving again.” John beamed. “Just gonna jump in the shower, if you don't mind.”

Mason and Roger were waiting for John in the kitchen.

“Nice guy. Seems to do you good.”

“More than that.”

“I never thought I'd live to see this. A Roger in love. Being in love looks good on you, my friend. I told you, this fooling around is not for you. You need someone to take care of. You're a relationship person, Roger Taylor. I take it this tall gangly fellow shares your quirky preferences?”

“Are psychologists allowed to use words like quirky?”

“I'm not speaking as a psychologist; I'm speaking as your friend. As a psychologist, I'm telling you that you need to tell him about Anthony. What happened to him has been holding you back this whole time. You can't go into a new relationship with this fear. I know I've told you a million times, but it wasn't you who created those extreme desires in him. Your way of life is not destructive. It can provide support and stability. Something a former drug addict might need more than other people.”

“Thanks, Mason. For everything. I like the way you look at things. So far, almost everyone's accused me of being kind of crazy. Because it's happening so fast. Because John is John. Because nobody really believes that a former playboy can suddenly turn gay. Only you and Danny didn't judge. I know nobody meant any harm, Bella, Chase and Faye. I know they're all my friends who just want the best for me. Except maybe Faye, who'd rather kill me.”

“I know. Sex god, my goodness! Look, Roger, it doesn't matter how many women your lover slept with. I did a little research, I admit. A very strong-willed person, this John Taylor. Over ten years clean, that takes a lot of strength. I think all those women robbed him of that strength rather than gave it to him, you know? I think they were part of his addiction. 

All that, drugs, alcohol, women, was part of a life that he wanted to lead but didn't fit into. 

Maybe you're what he really needs. Tell him about Anthony, Roger.”

“I already have. This morning, to be exact. He pushed a few buttons last night and I got scared because it had an incredible effect on me.”

“You know what I find really amusing about your funny little scene? The so-called dominants actually think they are the ones who set the tone. And we both know who holds the reins, don't we? Don't worry, I won't tell.” Mason winked.

“I'm afraid he already knows.”

“Who knows what?” John walked in and Roger`s jaw dropped.

_Jesus. How does he do that? A few loose shirt buttons and those long legs in tight jeans and I start drooling!_

“You. You know I'm crazy about you, beanpole.”

“And I'm crazy about you, little vole.”

“Man, these gay sadomasochists are really scary! Throwing cute pet names at each other,” the psychologist laughed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, i loooove a dominant Roger!

When they sat in the diner a little later, John looked around with interest.  
“Nice. 50s style.”

“Roger and I quickly found out that we're '50s fans. Besides, it's right across the street from our gym, above which my practice is located.”

“Oh, boy, Roger and I used to spend whole nights watching the old movies. VHS video was heaven for us. He always wanted to be as cool as Marlon Brando. That worked great as long as he didn't have to open his mouth. I still can't believe this incredible transformation!”

“Yeah, I heard about that. Quiet, shy guy in the background, huh? Hard to imagine.”

“Gentlemen, could we please change the subject?” Roger growled.

“So, Mason, you were his therapist, yes? I bet that was about Anthony.”

“I'm not at liberty to discuss that. Confidentiality.”

“I'm releasing you from your confidentiality, Mason. I have no secrets from John.” Roger reached for Johnny`s hand, kissing his knuckles.

“Oh no, my dears! Leave me out of this, please. This is between you two. Of course you're right, John. But you'll have found out by now that Roger isn't responsible for what Anthony did. I would have liked to have talked to him, gotten to know him. Psychologically, I'm sure he's a very interesting person. Someone who needs therapy more than Roger. Although, who knows? Maybe I'm a little presumptuous. Everyone has the right to be happy in their own way, even if most of us can't understand what makes them happy. Actually, it was nothing more and nothing less than a typical relationship problem. One wanted something different from the other. The main problem of every interpersonal relationship. One assumes that the other knows what he wants. Talk is the key, gentlemen. No matter how well you think you know each other. Now I'd like to take a look at the menu. As I said, the subject of Anthony, and thus the subject of what can go wrong in relationships that are largely based on power differentials, is something you need to make clear among yourselves.”

The rest of the time they spent more or less in silence, enjoying the really good food.

When they got home, a car was parked in the driveway.

Roger grinned.

“Well, I'm afraid I can't show you the shed right now. Looks like it's occupied. That's Danny's car.”

“Oh? I thought it`s yours and Bella`s “

“Danny has a key, too. It`s just that he never used it before, because…well…”  
“Because when he was in there, it was with you. I'm aware of that. Do you think they'll let us watch?”

“Not a good plan, Johnny. One, I have no idea who he's in there with. Second of all, Danny's really tough. Really tough, John. I don't know if you want to see this.”

“You think I'm gonna faint? I know he likes the hard stuff, that's why I'm curious. Couldn't you ask? If we can watch?”

“John…”

“Please! No harm in asking, right? Please, Roger! Sir? Please.”

_Man, John! You have no idea that you're pushing five million buttons right now, do you? Or maybe... wait, maybe you know that for sure! Just you wait, you little manipulator! Topping from the bottom, huh? Please, sir, my arse!_

“Whatever you say, John. I'll ask. Wait here. Oh, and just for the record, when we get in there, the vole's on a break, all right?”

“Of course, Sir.”

Roger struggled to keep from laughing when he got out of the car and made his way to the shed.  


To be honest, he himself was curious to see who Danny was in there with and hoped his knocking would be heard.

The man who opened the door to him seemed vaguely familiar. Danny appeared behind him, so they didn't have started yet.  
“I apologize for the interruption. I have a nosy sub in my car who's dying to watch. Oh, I'm Roger, by the way. Have we met before?”

“Clark. We've probably already met at Danny's, or at the club. So your sub wants to watch, huh? Fine with me, if it's okay with Danny.”

“Ha! John keeps you pretty busy, doesn't he? Pushy bottom, the skinny guy. You'll love this one, Clark. Well, he's welcome to watch. Is there any chance that we'll get to see something? Because I'd be just as curious.” Danny chuckled.

“I'm not making any promises, Danny. You know he's a rookie. He's earned a little lesson, though. We'll see.”

“Ok, folks, now you have me all curios, too. Get him in, Roger.” 

Clark seemed to be nice, none of these super-arrogant posers. Nevertheless, as a precaution Roger should clarify something.

“You don't touch him and you don't give him orders.”

“Of course not, man! I know the rules. Because unlike your nosy sub, I'm no novice.”

“No offense, Clark. It just needed to be said. I'll go get him.”

John was still sitting in the car just like he left him. Only the tell-tale tip of his tongue revealed his nervousness.

“Come along.”

“Oh! So we get to watch, right? Fab!”  
“John, this isn't a movie or a theatre or anything. You're gonna sit down quietly. No comments. No questions. Anything you want to know; we can discuss afterwards. If it gets too much for you, use your safe word, we'll leave. If I see fit to leave, you'll come with me. Even then, no comments, no questions. You got that?”

“Yes, Roger. Sir.”

Again, Roger bit back a chuckle, but he, too, got nervous when they finally stood outside the door.  
Except for the little trip with John the other day, he had only been in that shed for one reason. He had also watched others in here, but he always joined in sooner or later.

Again, Clark opened the door as he knocked and Roger noted with relief that the man was also extremely friendly to John. Unfortunately not a matter of course. Some Doms thought they could be rude to subs just because subs were subs and they were Doms.

“Hey! You must be John. I'm Clark. You already know Danny. He can't shake your hand right now anyway.”

“Wow, Clark, you really are unbelievably funny. You should have been a comedian!” Danny blurted.

Oh well. Clark had simply been telling the truth, because Daniel's impressive almost seven feet looked even more imposing with his arms stretched out above his head. His wrists were bound to the large iron ring that hung in the middle of the room.  
While Johnny still stared fascinated at the tied up and very naked man, Roger had already spotted the rolled up whip lying on a chair nearby. A single tail. Biting and painful. It bangs nicely when it's handled properly. Could leave severe, bleeding marks.

_Crap! I never asked John what kind of whip Vince used. That one seems to be a monster whip. Long and heavy._

“Unfortunately, his mouth is even bigger than his fantastic body.” Clark shrugged.

“Oh, I'm sure he'll make nicer noises soon if I look at what you brought.” Roger pointed at the chair and John's attention was focused on what was there.  
His eyes got big. 

“Fuck!” he hissed.

“Pretty thing, isn't it? I made it myself.”

“Hey! I don't have forever! I have to work tonight. So could you please take your little shoptalk later?”  
For a tied up naked man, Danny actually had a pretty big mouth.  
But Roger already knew that.  
Clark rolled his eyes dramatically and gave a deep sigh before he picked the whip from the chair.  
John moaned softly as Clark cracked the whip, revealing it`s entire length. 

“You may now use your smart mouth to scream, Daniel McKenzie.”

“You keep jabbering on like this, Clark, the best I'm gonna do is use it for a yawn.”

Then there was a crack of a whip and immediately afterwards a scream in two voices.  
Danny and John, in perfect sync.  
A long, bright red stripe ran across Danny's muscular back. A whole series of short, fast strokes followed, leaving fine red dots. Clark definitely knew how to use the whip. Knew to use the whole length as well as just the biting tip.

John gaped with his mouth open, his breath rapid and shallow. Roger wrapped an arm around his hips and led him to the chair where the whip had just been lying.  
“Take your shirt off and sit.” Roger whispered. The bulge in John's tight jeans had not escaped his notice.  
Johnny angel obeyed without hesitation.

_He likes what he sees. A lot. Oh, God, how beautiful he would look if he were in Danny's shoes!_

He stood behind the chair, hands on John`s shoulders.  
Danny started cursing loudly under the whip, he still resisted, fought.  
He needed that; it was his way of letting go.  
Good thing Clark understood that. Apparently, it wasn't the first time they played together.  
During this phase, Danny was not to be touched at all.  
No touches, no words. Only fast, hard strokes. Anything else would freak him out.  
Roger waited until the cursing turned into long moans.  
Danny wasn`t the only one moaning, John also made very nice noises and shifted on his chair restlessly.  
“Does that turn you on, John?”

“Oh, God, yes, Sir!”

_Me too! Fuck, me too!_

“Unbutton your pants and touch yourself.”

No sign of hesitation. John moaned in relief as he freed his hard cock from his tight trousers.

Danny's moaning was now only a soft whimper. The man just flew to the moon. The whip cracked, it smelled of leather, sweat and sex. A small puddle had formed on the floor in front of Danny, his cock dripping like a broken tap.

Clark gave everything, focused and intense.

“Would you like to be in Danny's shoes, Johnny?”

“Uh-huh!”

“Tomorrow. I promise.”

“Oh, Jesus! Uh.”

John's head tilted backwards against Roger's chest. His eyes were closed and he wanked himself hard.

“You won't come, John. Remember that.”

_It's easy for me to talk. I will fucking come right into my pants in a minute!_

John sobbed in frustration and let go of his cock.

“I did not tell you to stop.”

“Roger! Sir, please! I can't stand this.”

“You can and you will.”

For the first time John hesitated noticeably. His fingers closed very slowly around the pulsating shaft.

“Come on, John! You can do better than that.”

Roger took a quick look at Danny, who was completely gone, before he focused on John again.

If he was not completely wrong, which he did not assume, then Daniel would come any moment.  
He was one of the few people Roger knew who could do that.  
Without touch, just by the whip or any other exquisite pain.

Tomorrow he would find out if John was capable of doing the same.

“Look, John. Look at Danny. If Danny comes, you can come.”

It was only a matter of seconds until Danny and John screamed in perfect sync once more.

The unmistakable scent of semen filled the room, blending deliciously with the smell of leather and sweat.

This was the smell of pain and lust, the smell of a perfect session.


	15. Chapter 15

Roger needed a few minutes not only to calm the trembling John, but also to calm himself.  
It really wouldn't have taken much to come in his pants.

When he finally became aware again of the two other men in the room, he was touched by the sight.  
Clark had released Danny from his restraints and was holding him tight.  
The tall, unshakable Daniel had buried his head on Clark's shoulder and was crying.

_This was not just a session. There's more between the two of them, or Danny would never cry._

“Come on, John, we should leave these two alone.” He whispered. Then , louder, into the direction of Danny and Clark , “ Come in the house if you want.”

Actually, the doorbell rang about half an hour later.  
They were on the sofa with John on top of him.

“You gotta let me up, little spider monkey.” Roger smiled.

It was perhaps strange to call the so much taller John little monkey, but he really clung to him like a little monkey. A spider monkey.  
“Oh, no. Why doesn't Danny have a key? Mason had a key. I don't want to let you go, you're so cosy. I'll go open the door. I'd rather not. Very unwillingly.”

While John went to open the door, Roger put on tea water in the kitchen.

Danny liked to drink tea with lots of sugar after an exhausting session.

He was looking for some snacks when the three men came in.

“Look, Roger, we have visitors! Isn't that surprising?”

Danny snorted.

“Was there anything in the drinking water today? You've outdone yourselves in being funny.”

“Shut up and sit down, Daniel. Tea's almost ready. Nuts?”

“Yes, I have. Two of them.”

“Congratulations, you have won today's comedy competition. Coffee or tea, Clark?”

“Coffee, please. I know you guys; it's driving me crazy. Not from the club or the pup. Where do I know you from?”

“Imagine them 20 years younger, on a boat, wearing real gay Armani suits.” Daniel grinned. “Or, hey, that`s even better, in fancy leather, surrounded by monsters. Oooh…and John, John was tied to a car! And Roger sat on some kind of machine and pulled some levers. Hmm. Even then you apparently knew which levers to pull and which buttons to push. You were ahead of your time, weren't you? I personally would have preferred the windmill, including breath play. Come on, Clark! That's gotta tell you something! Wild boys! Rio!”

“They were Anthony Price suits, and Nick would have shot you for this outrage.” John chuckled as he slipped on the chair opposite Danny, who sat next to Clark.

“You know what I wonder every time I see that Rio video? The scene where Roger falls backwards into the sea in those teasing white pants...did they become transparent in the water?” Danny leaned over and gave John a conspiratorial wink.

“Absolutely completely transparent. And he didn`t notice. The whole film crew did, though. He blushed beautifully when he realized what was happening.”

Roger rolled his eyes, meeting Clark`s gaze.   
“The penny has dropped. Roger and John. You two, was it a well-kept secret?”

“No. This kind of *us* has only been around for a few days, John and I haven't seen each other for almost 15 years before.”

Roger put the cups on the table and made a very interesting discovery.

_Blimey! They are holding hands under the table!_

“Really? How`s that possible?”

“I just jumped.” Johnny shrugged, flashing Roger the most beautiful smile ever seen. 

“We jumped together. Long, story, Clark. Let's talk about this some other time. Daniel has to go to work soon.”.

Like earlier in the shed, Roger stood behind John's chair. He began massaging the bony shoulders. John sighed and leaned his head back against Roger`s chest. 

“Oh, true! Well then, would be great to meet you guys anytime soon. Could I use your bathroom really quick?”

“Sure. Just the opposite door.”

Clark wasn't quite out of the kitchen when Danny groaned in agony.

“Fucking hurts!”

“Honestly, man, what the fuck?” John shook his head. “Why are you doing this? A blind man can see how much you like him. What's the point of playing superhero?”

“You wouldn't understand. I like pain. I can do without all the Dom-sub bullshit. And Clark…I don't think that would be enough for him. He invited me to dinner, man! On a date. A real date. I don’t have dates. He confuses me. I have to keep my distance!”

“Holding hands under the table is a strange way of keeping distance, if you ask me.” Roger smirked. “Liking someone is not a weakness, McKenzie. Give it a try. He's good, and I don't just mean the way he uses the whip. I know you a little, Daniel. You have a crush on him and it shows, like Johnny said. Go on that date, give it a try!”

“You know what? One Taylor is exhausting, two are unbearable!”

“We make a hell of a team.” John grinned.

“Yeah, with emphasis on hell, man!”

After Danny and Clark had left, they snuggled back down on the sofa.

John seemed particularly in need of a cuddle today.

“Does that actually bother you?” John asked, his warm breath tickling Roger`s neck.

“What?”

“That Danny found someone else so quickly.”

“We were not a couple, Johnny. Probably would've bothered me if he showed up here with some dumb asshole. But, as I said, I think Clark is a good guy.”

“That was a fucking big whip, wasn`t it? He was bleeding.”

“It doesn't have to bleed, John. It bled because they both wanted it to. Did it scare you?”

“Hm. No, not really. I've just never seen such a big whip before. It was impressive. You have one of these?”

“A similar one. Not quite as long.”

“And how many men have you beaten up with it?”

“John, if your question is whether I can use it, then the answer is yes. I've practiced a lot and I like whips. If you ask because it bothers you that I used them with others, if you don't like the thought, we'll go shopping tomorrow morning and get our own stuff. Something we both like and picked out together.”

“Oh, yeah? That would be great, Roger! There's just one problem. I have no idea what I like.”

“Shall we go over to the shed and you can have a look at my stuff? Just look, Johnny angel. I'll tell you what it`s for and why I like it, you think about whether you can do anything with it, and tomorrow we'll buy our own stuff, just for you and me.”

_Oh, I like the thought of it. Very much. Our very own toy collection. Finding out what my Johnny likes._

Only minutes later, Johnny stood in front of the shelf in the shed.

“Roger, may I make a very impertinent request? I, uh... can we throw out all these dildos, please? I know it's silly, but the idea that you've stuck them inside other men is...disgusting. My goodness, is that a fist? Why do you make dildos that look like a fist? Uh!”  
“I understand that, let's throw these things away. I never used this fist- thing, by the way, I prefer my own hand.”  
“Your own…oh…oh, please, tell my you`re kidding! Tell me you're just trying to scare the virgin John, yeah?”

“I'm not kidding, and you're not a virgin.”

“Your hand? The whole hand? To be honest, it scares the hell out of me.”

“Johnny, calm down. We don`t have to do this, okay? At least not tomorrow, or next week, and maybe we never do. It's just one of many possibilities. I don't want to scare you.”

_We certainly do. Eventually. Cause I'm really into it. But one step at a time._

Watching John going through all the toys quite aroused him, more than he`d thought. Considering that he had already denied himself an orgasm, it was very difficult not to let it show.

Johnny should really take a good look at everything. It wasn't about sex now, it wasn't about Dom and sub. At least not in the first place. He should just find out what he liked, or what he thought he`d like.

“That's a lot of crops. Why so many?”

“They are all different. Different materials, different tips. Look, this one has a small cord at the end with a knot, this one ends with a leather flap. One is made of braided leather, the other has a fiberglass core. And this one is all steel.”

“Which one do you like best?”

“It's not about the instruments themselves, John. It's about the reactions they cause.”

“I don`t understand.”

“Close your eyes and take a crop out of the rack. Good. Now look at it. Okay. Take another one, this time you chose.”

“It makes me nervous when you look at me like that, Roger!”

“Just trying to figure something out. I told you, I observe. Like in the kitchen, John. You think I picked that paddle? I did not. You picked it out. I was just watching how you reacted. You may not know exactly what you like yet, but your subconscious gives good clues when I look closely. Bella always says to be a good Dom, you have to be a good observer. Reading body language. Read between the lines. You were definitely more comfortable with the paddle, I could tell. And now I can tell you, the steel thing frightens you, yet it fascinates you. You like the one with the knot better than the one with the tab. You'd rather touch the leather one than the nylon one. So if I wanted to play with you, I'd use the leather one with a knot. And once I know you better, once I know what your skin is like, how quickly you bruise and how much you can take, when it comes to extending boundaries, then it would be the steel one. I'm gonna ask Clark to make us one of those whips, because no doubt it turns you on incredibly. I also noticed that you threw away all the dildos, but strangely, John, the scary fist is still on the shelf. Very interesting. You really like to be a bit scared, don't you?”

“ This is a little bit creepy; you know? Knowing that I'm so easy to figure out. I left the dildo because you said it wasn't in use. Yeah, it creeped me out, but it scared the shit out of me about anything that had to do with anal sex, and you know what? I like it. Your tongue, your fingers, your cock inside me. Can we do this again sometime?”

“I swear, John Taylor, if you weren't such a big fucking guy, I'd throw you over my shoulder and drag you into the bedroom.”

June 19th , 2001  
Danny and Clark came out of the shed with the last of the boxes.  
“Where`s Rog?”  
“In Atlanta`s room, with Mason.” Bella grinned. “Beer?”

“Oh yes please!” Danny wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Is it very mean when I say that this is an undeniable advantage when JT is not around? There's beer, yay!”

“This is extraordinarily cruel, Daniel. You're still right! Has anyone seen Faye?”

“She wanted to buy flowers. For the girl.” Clark said, taking a big sip of cold beer.

“Okay. Sweet. Put this stuff in the car, and when it's gone, I can go get Maribelle. She's dying to see the new room.”

“It's really time for John to come back. Roger's completely freaking out.” Danny chuckled.

“Well, they've been stuck together for almost a month and a half, and now John's been gone for two weeks, and when he comes back he won't be alone. Somehow Roger is suddenly convinced that the girl does not like him. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for them to move in here after all. Maybe John should have taken the house he bought, at least until Roger and Atlanta get to know each other properly.”

“Too late, Madame Montgomery! That house has already become the best playroom in London and we're certainly not going to drag all that stuff out again. Roger and John have discussed it, and if they want John and Atlanta to live here from the beginning, then we support that, you understand? That`s what friends are for!”  
Bella rolled her eyes.  
“Of course I support my best friend and his lover, man, what do you think? I'm just worried about Roger. I've never seen him like this before, Danny.”

“He's never had a child before. Yes, I know, of course it is not his own child, but Beanie will live here, and she is his man's daughter, so he's kind of a stepdad, isn't he? Anything else we need to get for the welcome/slash/ birthday party tomorrow?”

“Chase and Jonah have taken care of everything. I am thrilled to have Jonah back in our lives, by the way.”

“Me, too! I missed the little one. We should keep an eye out for this guy he's seeing, though.”

“He`s okay. Chase made a background check on him. If he had anything to hide, my super-genius would have found it. Let's put this stuff away, I want to get my daughter before we order dinner.”

“Enough talk, Roger. We're gonna go downstairs and have a beer with our friends.”

“Give me five minutes alone, I'll be right there.”

Mason stood, shaking his head.  
“Don't make yourself crazy. You and John can handle it. You're a hell of a team. Atlanta seems to have a very good relationship with her father, and when she sees that he is happy, when she realizes how happy you are together, it will work! Take it as it comes.”

When Mason was gone, Roger let his eyes wander through the bright, friendly room.  
Atlanta`s room.

_Tomorrow. Tomorrow I meet John's daughter for the first time. Tomorrow I'll have my boyfriend back. After tomorrow everything will be different._


	16. Chapter 16

The decision was made the day after they joined Danny and Clark in the shed. The day after a psychologist explained to them how important it was to talk.  
This day had been very intense in many ways.  
It started when someone rang the doorbell very insistently at eight in the morning.  
Roger had been extremely reluctant to free himself from John's clutches, but whoever rang the bell didn't seem to want to give up.  
Silently cursing, he had slipped into sweatpants and treaded down the stairs on bare feet.

They hadn't slept very much, and on the way to the front door he realized very clearly that he was no longer 20.  
Although that's what it felt like last night.  
At first it was wild, greedy sex with a good amount of power and submission, followed by very intense kissing, which led seamlessly to the first real mutual blow job.  
Kisses again, slow and delicious, tasting of cum.  
Roger's grumbling stomach reminded him that this small, special portion of protein was the last he had swallowed, as dinner had been cancelled due to the overwhelming need for physical closeness.

After that, it had continued with something that could only be called vanilla sex.

Tender, cosy, cuddly lovemaking, literally for hours on end.  
It was no longer about sexual release, but simply about being as close as possible.

When he opened the door, his stomach rumbled even louder. This was probably because of the sweet-smelling bag the morning visitor was holding in his hand.

“Just in time, I'd say. Good morning, here's your friendly bun service. I didn't know what Mr. Bassgod likes to eat, so I bought out half the bakery. May I come in?”

“Jonah!”

“I'm glad you remember my name.”

“Cut the crap. What do you want?”

“Breakfast. Talk. Get to know him. Making peace. Take your pick.”

Roger stepped aside to let the petite man in.

“I'm sorry to show up so early, but I'm going away for 3 weeks and I wanted to...I don't know...sort things out. See if we're still friends.”

“Where are you going? You just opened your salon; you can't leave now!”

“My business partner will take over until then. I really need a vacation, you know? The last few weeks have been very exhausting. Physically and emotionally. So I thought I'd fulfil a long-held dream and go on a cruise. Did you know that they have cruises specially for gays?”

They had arrived in the kitchen and Jonah set out to get dishes from the cupboard.

“Knock it off and sit down, Jonah.”

“I'd say your wish is my command, but that would probably be inappropriate.”  
“It certainly would be.”  
It was John who said this. John, who was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and wasn't looking very pleased.

“I'm just kidding, man! Can we start over, please? My name is Jonah, I'm a living cliché. Gay hairdresser, I like to be bossed around by muscular, hairy men and I have a perverse fondness for Hello Kitty underwear.”  
The corner of John's mouth twitched, although he visibly refused to laugh.

“Except for the Kitty thing, I already knew that.”

“Look, I understand that you don't like me very much. To be honest, I wasn't too happy about your appearance either. But sometimes it takes a cold shower to wake up. You were my cold shower. I'm trying to save a friendship here, okay? A friendship that means a lot to me. It's not just about Roger and me, it's about the inner circle. Our mutual friends. I want to stay a part of it, and for that we both have to get along, John Taylor. Do you think we could at least try?”

“You were kidding about the underwear, right?”

“No, I'm afraid not.”

“I have some with pink hearts. A gift from my daughter.”

“Is there glitter on it?”

“Tons.”

“Would you like a cinnamon roll? “

“I'd love one.”

Roger grinned and turned away to make coffee.  
John took the dishes from the cupboard.  
As they all sat at the table, Jonah said:  
“Okay, gay rumour mill news. Danny has an admirer!”

“Danny's holding hands! And this is not a rumour. The admirer's name is Clark, and Clark is totally messing with Danny. They were here yesterday.” Roger chuckled and since holding hands was a good idea, he reached for John's pretty hand, though not under the table.   
Well, Jonah should see this, right? Just to make things perfectly clear.

“By here, you mean the kitchen?”

“Not only there.”

“Shed?”

“Yep. With us.”

_You have to be able to handle it, Jonah. If you can't, it's not gonna work._

Jonah occupied himself with his bun for a few seconds.

“May I continue to use the shed?” he finally asked quietly.

“Oh Jonah, be honest! You're not into all this stuff.”

“It's expected. It's hard to find someone who, you know…separates. Danny is only into pain and I'm only into submission, and somehow that gets mixed up all the time.”

“See! That`s what I said. You`re not into it. So why would you use the shed? Which, by the way, won't be here much longer anyway.”

Roger knew he was distracting. And he knew that Jonah knew. Because he certainly wouldn't have an in-depth conversation about Jonah's preferences. Not with john at the table, who had not yet explored the rather quiet world of obedience. Until now, obedience and submissiveness have only been associated with pain, sex or both. Whether it worked without that, would still have to be determined.  
Although Roger was sure that John was looking for this outside of it. But this had to come from John himself. He would certainly encourage him to do so, more or less subtly, but he had meant it when he said he would never order John to kneel down before him. literally and figuratively.  
Roger wanted real submission, not role-playing, and there was no way to order that. You had to want it.

“Why so?”

“Huh?” Roger blinked, lost on the paths his brain had taken.

“The shed. What will happen to the shed?”

“Oh, I'm not sure yet. Maybe we'll make it a stable and buy a pony.”

“A pony?” John and Jonah blurted in unison.

“Nine-year-old girls like ponies, don't they?” he shrugged. “Whatever, anyway, they are definitely not into chains and whips, that's for sure.”

“Roger! You're not buying Atlanta a pony, you hear me? You don't have to bribe her.”

“Okay, guys, what am I missing? What's this about?”

“I'm a single dad, and my daughter is coming here in a few weeks.”

“You're not a single dad. You're a gay father with a boyfriend. And said boyfriend is very concerned that Atlanta is comfortable here.”

“I think that's really great, but you don't have to give her a pony, Roger Andrew!”

“It was just an idea, Nigel John. I told you, I'm not sure what we're going to do about the shed.”

Jonah started giggling softly, getting louder and louder until he laughed tears.

“What's so funny?” a visibly pissed off John asked.

“Tell me, how long have you two actually been married?”


	17. Chapter 17

Here and now, sitting on Atlanta`s bed in the former guest room, Roger smiled of the memory.

He forbade himself to think about the further events of that day, for if he did, he would never leave this room.

Moreover, one should not think of such things while sitting on the bed of a nine-year-old girl with whose father one had cleared up the last doubts about a certain way that day.

God, John had been so revealing, so devoted…

_Stop it, you perverted old fart. You're not getting an erection in Beanie's room, no!_

He took a deep breath and went to meet his friends downstairs.  
That amazing bunch of people he called his inner circle.

“Where is everyone?” he asked when entering the kitchen to find only Danny and Mason there.

“Jonah had to go back to business, Faye`s at the flower shop. Bella’s gone to pick up Maribelle and Chase, and Clark drops off the last boxes in the Retreat.” Danny explained, handing him a beer can.

“The last boxes? You mean, it`s all done? God, I`m sorry! I should have helped you. Instead I'm wallowing in fear…”

“It's okay to be scared. You're taking a big fucking step. But please tell me you're not having second thoughts now.” The tall Scot raised a brow.

“Nah. No second thoughts. I had a helpful session with my therapist.” Roger winked at Mason.

“Talking of Mason and sessions, would you two like to see the shed? Maybe now that it`s completely empty, it gives you an idea what to do with it, Rog.”

Roger knew it the moment he stepped over the threshold.  
“This, gentlemen, will remain a playroom, a playroom and a studio, and we will play here with Nick, Simon and Andy.”

“Ha, that's deep. John and you, you're gonna keep playing together in here.” Mason chuckled.

“And for the other plays you have now the Retreat.” Daniel nodded, putting an arm around Roger`s shoulders.  
The Retreat. What a fitting name. They had found the house on their way to the fetish shop that fateful day, after Jonah had left. 

John hit the brakes so hard that Roger was thrown forward in the car seat.

“The fuck, John!”

“House for sale! There`s a house for sale.”

Roger, whose mind was already on shopping for toys, needed a few seconds to make sense of this information.  
Understanding it did not necessarily make him happy.  
Although his head understood that it was important for John to have his own home, his and Atlanta's, John's enthusiasm stung his heart.  
Just the idea of sleeping in his bed without John's clutches was downright horrible.

_Don't be silly, you emotional moron! This is not about you. He wants to make a home for his daughter!_

Still, it kind of hurt. For whatever reason, he had assumed that John would stay with him. With Beanie. That John`s new home would include him.  
It was stupid and selfish to be jealous of a child, so he swallowed the bitter taste. 

“Well, come on! Let's see it.”

The real estate agent happened to be present at the time and they could see the house immediately.

In retrospect, it was certainly a sign. Fate or something.

After the fastest house purchase in recent history, they pulled up in front of the SM shop not even two hours later.

“Before we go in, John, this is no ordinary sex shop. There's no cheap, mass-produced goods. The owners live the lifestyle and they don't sell anything they haven't approved of. They take it very seriously and expect their customers to behave in a certain way. I'm not necessarily a friend of them, but it's their shop and it's their rules. And they simply have the best products. So, Rita wants to be addressed as Mistress and she expects a perfect hand kiss from every sub who enters her store. She'll also be eyeing you very closely, which can be unsettling. She won't touch you, but she'll probably make a few remarks. Her husband Robin is often chained up somewhere, mostly on his knees. Can you handle that?”

It was hard for him to remain objective and calm. The spontaneous house purchase had stirred him up inside. Mainly because John was so happy. He didn't seem to mind that he wasn't sharing the bed with Roger anymore.

Again, Roger knew his feelings were totally out of place. They were still there, no matter how hard he tried to be rational. That day should have been about John, him and their toys together, not a house.

_Jesus, Roger, you're pathetic. Pull yourself together, damn it._

“Sure! No problem.”

Even that bothered him. That John seemed so easy about this.  
This trip suddenly seemed to have become so trivial, not more important than buying hamburgers at McDonalds. John was thinking about the house, not of what they were about to do.  
Why couldn't he have found that sign on the road on the way back, for fuck's sake! 

Roger angrily shook his head to make those selfish thoughts disappear, reminding himself that the well-being of a nine-year old child had a lot more importance than the wounded ego of a possessive Dominant.

He could not yet know that a visit to this shop would bring them both much more than new toys.

As soon as they entered the sales room, however, it was clear to him that this was somewhat different than usual.

It started with Robin. 

He had never seen Robin in jeans or a T-shirt, not in here. And the young man standing next to him did not give the impression that he was of legal age, what was really weird, because the couple made a point of respecting youth protection laws.

No one under 18 was allowed in the holy halls.

Robin spotted the customers coming in and smiled broadly.

“What do my weary eyes see? Roger, my friend, how beautiful! Before you introduce me to the handsome man at your side, I'd like you to meet my son Dean. He should actually be in the stockroom doing inventory.”

Roger could hardly hide his surprise when he took the offered hand.

“Hi, Dean. I`m Roger, this is John.”

Dean looked them up and down in a way only teenagers would do, not hiding his curiosity one bit.  
“Are you gay?”  
“Very much so.”  
“You don`t look gay.”

“Jesus, son! How often did I tell you not to judge a book by its cover, huh? Well, you know the rules. You're not supposed to be in here when there's customers. So go help your mother, be nice.”

The boy disappeared with a lazy wave of his hand, which should probably be cool.

“Sorry about that. He keeps coming in here to watch people. I'll just call Rita, have her keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't interrupt. Like I said, they're doing inventory in the basement.”

“I didn`t even know you had a son! How old is he?”

“Just turned 15.”

“And he knows about your lifestyle? Wow.”

“Well, it`s not that he knows explicit details, therefore my casual clothing. But when he started asking questions, we didn't want to lie to him either. Kids aren't stupid. They notice a lot of things, no matter how much you hold back. I think you can't throw too much information at them, but if they ask, you have to react, right?”

John nodded silently, he`s probably thinking about his forced coming out to Atlanta.

“Do you really think it makes sense to have a 15-year-old boy doing inventory in a sex shop?”  
Roger asked doubtingly. 

“I'm very sorry, Roger, but I'm not gonna debate with you about how to raise our son. Let's just say we know him well and we're open with each other. Rita and I know what and how much we can put him through, okay? So, you are John, huh? Pleased to meet you. Instead of talking about raising children, you better tell me what I can do for you.”

“I really don't want to be rude, but I'd like to ask you something. How did he find out? I mean, did he walk in on you guys at a session or something?” John sounded absolutely horrified at that thought.

“God forbid, no. Like I said, they notice more than you think. At some point, he just realized that things are a little different with us than they are with his friends' parents. My wife is... how shall I put it... very controlling.” Robin winked.

“And Dean's okay with that?”

“Let me guess, John. You have a kid?”

“A girl. She`s nine”

“And you want my advice? Okay, look, every kid is different, but no kid wants to be lied to. Something this intense, you can't keep a secret forever. At least not when it involves more than the occasional session. Dean grew up in a household where people live 24/7. He knows no other way and he sees that Rita and I are happy. Like I said, we don't rub it in, but we are who we are. No sessions at home when he's around. No toys lying around. Still, a careful observer might sense that we have a special relationship. And Dean is a very careful observer. But children are also more tolerant than you think when they realize that their parents are doing well. So don't worry too much, okay? Just let it come to you. Don't try to explain something to your kid that she' not ready for. If you have a healthy bond, she will eventually ask. Now can we get back to what you came here for? Do you have anything particular in mind?”

Roger was about to call it off. It didn't make any sense if John wasn't in on it.  
But Johnny surprised him once again.

“I'd like to look around first. Without you, if that's all right, Sir.”

“Of course, love.”

Robin chuckled quietly as John started his expedition along the shelves.  
“Sir, huh? So this is something serious, I assume.”  
“You bet it is.”  
“He's new to the scene, right?”  
Roger nodded absently as he watched John take a closer look at the container with the canes.

_You like them, don't you? You are really into pain. But what about other things, John? Do you like to obey? To serve? Will you let me have control, even outside the bedroom or the playroom? I think you're a true sub, but am I really right?_

Maybe it was time for a test. A hint, a little ambiguity. Observe and deduce.

“Robin, would you get me a pair of nipple clamps, please? And, oh, do you still have those stainless steel plugs?”

“Testing grounds, huh?” 

“Yes. He’s really very new to this, you know? There`s still a lot to find out.”

“I don't mean to be pushy, but this is the first time you've been here with a sub since... you know... Tony. If you want my humble opinion, my sub-radar is kicking in big time. You found a jewel, if you ask me. Even though it took you a while, I mean, you know each other for how long? 20 years?”

“22, to be exact. So you recognized him. I didn't even know you knew who I was.”

“Oh, please! How can someone who was a teenager in the '80s not know who you are? You want him to see me get the stuff?”

“Yes, please. I'd like to see how he reacts.”

“I thought so.” Robin winked.

As luck would have it, John was standing right in front of the steel toy displays, and Robin accidentally bumped into him as he unlocked a display case.  
“Excuse me, I have to take this. Oh, and this…and maybe this, too.”

Roger bit back a laugh. The man really knew how to do his job. He couldn't make out exactly what he took from the shelf, but he clearly noticed John's irritated stare.

“Oh, Robin, could you bring one of those leather-covered canes? Thank you.” he called out.  
“I`m sorry, those are out of stock. How about a leather paddle?”

“I don't know. Wait, let me see what you got.”  
Without hurry Roger set himself in motion, looked with interest at a few things here and there, picked up a short, thick whip on the way and brought it with him. 

“Ah, these things are really handy. You can take them anywhere, unobtrusively, not like those damn long canes that won't fit in a bag. So, here we have clamps. You want some with a chain, weights or what?”

“Hm. Not sure. John, would you be so kind as to unbutton your shirt? And then please put your hands behind your back.”  
John gave Robin a quick glance.

_Never mind him, Johnny angel. He's used to this kind of thing. Focus on me. Obey me, Johnny._

And he did. He really did.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for getting mushy again, I just can`t write anything without a healthy dose of kitsch

Loud, two-voiced laughter brought him back to the present.

"Now watch this, Daniel! Isn't he cute how he smiles so blissfully, so not here with us?”

“Uh, I don’t know, Mase, I wouldn't exactly call that imposing bulge in his pants cute. I bet the one he's thinking about right now is long and thin, has pretty brown eyes and can play bass damn well. Judging by his condition, that person is pretty naked in his imagination. You want us to leave you alone for a minute, baby?”

“Sorry, I was just…oh never mind! Don't call me baby, McKenzie. I should be angry with you, but... thank you for all of this. For your help. I'm...fuck, some kid moving in tomorrow, who I've never seen before, and I'm so worried she doesn't like me.”

“Don't start that again, man!” Mason rolled his eyes.

Little by little the others came back and they sat together in the kitchen with pizza and beer.

After the meal everyone said goodbye. Tomorrow there was still a lot to do, after all it was not only to welcome Atlanta, it was also Johnny's birthday.

Roger knew it was totally pointless to go to bed early. He was far too excited to sleep.  
Johnny. Tomorrow.  
Atlanta. Tomorrow.

God. Oh, God.

He wandered restlessly around the house for a while.   
How was it possible that everything, every object, every room, everything in this house reminded him of John?  
Like he's been here for years and not just a few weeks.

It even smelled like John, for fuck's sake.

Of course his thoughts wandered back to that day that changed everything. The day that set the course for the future, so to speak.

On the way back, Roger had driven for once, because it was certainly difficult to concentrate on the traffic when wearing nipple clamps and a plug.

They had hardly spoken during the journey, but it was a good silence.  
Roger's hand was on John's thigh and Johnny looked at his shoes again, something he hadn't done for a long time.  
Both knew what would happen next, so their silence was an expectant one, perhaps mixed with some fear on both ends.  
They needed no words when they arrived at Roger's house.   
Roger was the first to get out and he opened the passenger door for John.  
Then he took the bags out of the trunk. So-called neutral packaging, simple dark plastic bags with no print. Robin was right, these canes actually did stick out.

“Let me carry that, Sir.” John said softly. His voice trembled a little.

They went straight to the shed. It was just natural, even though Roger almost lost it when John sank gracefully to his knees as soon as they entered the playroom.

“I have so much on my mind, Sir, I think too much and…can I please... can you take over, please? I want to... I don't know..”

It was clear at that moment. Perfectly clear.

Roger would be strong, be the man John deserved, the man he needed.

There was no place for foolish jealousy, for wounded egos. 

He would make sure John was well, with all his needs, with everything that he was. That was his job, damn it! Taking care of john in every possible way. 

And John was also a father, so Roger would support him in all his decisions about Atlanta.   
And if John felt that he and Atlanta needed a place of their own, so be it.  
He would enjoy every second with John, whether it was making music, spending time with Beanie or whatever.

What mattered now is that he was here, with him, confiding in him. Submitting to him.

“Get up, my Johnny.” 

It was that short whip that made John fly. Fly and come without a single touch on the pretty, dripping, hard cock. Three times.

And then Roger had emptied himself all over the battered arse, marked what was his, allowing himself to cry out loud as he did.

“Mine! You are mine!”

Afterwards they had returned to the house, both on somewhat shaky legs.

John's clutch had looked a little different this time, as he knelt before Roger, arms wrapped around his waist, head in his lap.

They stayed that way until John's long legs got all pins and needles.   
Then he crawled on the couch, curled into a ball and fell asleep.

Roger woke him about two hours later for a freshly cooked late lunch.

John was beaming, his face soft with a subtle little smile.

“And you're doing it again! Serving me. Shouldn't that be my job, or did I misunderstand the concept somehow?”

“The concept is very simple, John. I decide, you follow. And now I've decided to cook lunch and you're going to eat it. That's an order.”

“Oh man, that's rough! I'm gonna get fat.”

“Seriously, John Taylor, you know you're way too skinny, right?”

“Yeah, it's... well, it's not like I have an eating disorder or anything. But when I get stressed, I often forget to eat. And I've been really stressed out the last couple of weeks.”

“You can unload your stress on me. I actually want you to do that, okay? I want you to be fine. Sit down and eat.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything, Johnny.”

“You said you and Jonah had been in the shed a lot. But today you told him that none of that was his. I don't get it.”

_That was obvious, right? That he would ask that, sooner or later. Well, explain, Roger!_

“Jonah is a very submissive person. He likes to take orders, follow rules. He doesn't take pleasure in pain, but he likes the concept of punishment. It's also allowed to be a little degrading. Spanking, for example. For him it`s not about the pain it could provide if wanted, it`s more the position, you know? Being treated like an unruly child. And he's probably a little proud too, if he can take something without complaining. Because he does it for his master. And for him it is only then real obedience when it starts to be difficult. Or at least a little uncomfortable. He likes predicament bondage or being ordered into uncomfortable positions. Stand still for a long time with arms outstretched or something. Once, Bella and I had teatime, and Jonah was the table. Denial of orgasm, chastity, breath control. For the most of it, no playroom is needed. I worry that if he goes in there with the wrong man, he is so intent on obeying that he ignores his own limitations when it comes to pain. You heard him, he said it's expected. I never whipped Jonah or maltreated him with paddles because I respected who he was. It's just not everybody does it.”

“Then I understand even less why you had to go to the shed.”

“Because I didn't want to do it in this house, John. It's my house, my home. And Jonah wasn't supposed to share my home.”

John nodded in silence and took a few spoonful of the spicy lentil soup.

“You are sharing your home with me.” he finally said.

“Yes, I do. Mi casa es su casa.”

“And you would share it with Atlanta too?”

“I told you already, John.”

“And you really meant it?”

“I rarely say things I don't mean.”

“But... the shed!”

“It can be cleared and used for other purposes. Just like the guest room.”

_Don`t manipulate him. Don`t force him into something. Just facts, just plain facts!_

“You know, what Robin said, that it was just normal for Dean... I want it to be normal for Atlanta. I want Atlanta to think it's normal for us to be together. To live together.”

_Fuck, Johnny, you`re giving me a heart attack here! Are you telling me you're gonna live here? You bought a fucking house today!_

“Robin also said that kids notice things, John.”

“She's nine. Of course she's gonna notice you're in charge. It's like that in every family, right? One is always the head of the family. And if she ever notices that I'm turned on by that, she'll be old enough to understand. In child-sized morsels. I, uh...you know…I just…I don't think I'd ever want to be in bed without you again, if there's any way to avoid it.”

“Same here.”

_Whoa! I'm freaking out. Did he just say I was in charge? I'm the head of the family? Family! Holy fuck! Fam-eeeh-leeee._

“Roger? I think I bought a pretty big new shed today.”

_Oh, fuck it. I don't like being cool Dom right now. I feel more like a vole._

The chair tipped over as Roger jumped up to hug and kiss his Johnny.

They had gone to bed early, but had not slept much.

John had confessed that he was a bit like Jonah when it came to orders and rules, and they had been thinking together for a long time about how this could work with a nine-year-old girl in the house.

Roger hardly slept that night either, the last night alone in this house.  
Tomorrow!  
No, today, already.  
It was two at night by now and he just couldn`t stop thinking.  
Family. He would have a family. His own family. A concept he had abandoned at least since he realized he was gay, if not the moment it came out that he`s sterile.   
Half an hour later he got up from the rumpled bed in which he had been tossing and turning for hours.  
Should he call LA? 

John must have been stressed, after all, the two Taylors had a long flight ahead of them.

So, no call to John. 

With a bad conscience he allowed himself a double whiskey.

Except for a few beers with his friends since Johnny's absence, he hadn't drunk any alcohol. And the strong malt made him dizzy in an instant.

He thought about having a shower when the phone rang.

His overexcited mind immediately began to create horror sceneries.

John wouldn't come. For whatever reason. Something had gone wrong, something happened to him. Or Atlanta. Or both of them.

“Yeeeees?” he breathed into the phone, heart racing.  
Silence.  
“Hello?”  
Silence.  
“Who`s there?”  
“Me.”   
One syllable, two letters, a voice he`d never heard before, but still he knew right away who was on the other end of the line.

_Say something! Something funny. Make a fucking good first impression, you idiot!_

“Oh, hi, Atlanta. It's Atlanta, right?”

Well, that wasn`t funny. It wasn`t even smart.

“Yeah, Beanie, me .I…uh, I have a question.”

“Fire away, Beanie.”

“My school uniform, what colour is it?”

Roger blinked.   
School uniform, of course. That was a very important question, wasn't it?

“Eh…it`s green and blue.”

“What kind of green and blue?”

“Dark. A dark fir green. And navy blue.”

“Oh, great! Then I'll look like a navy officer who got lost in the woods!” 

Roger couldn't help it, he had to laugh.

“Honestly, I think it looks pretty fancy. Must go well with your eyes and your hair.“

“Really? Or are you just saying it?”

“No, Beanie, I mean it.”

“Okay. And my room, what does it look like?”

“Yellow walls, white furniture, view to the garden.”

_Jesus, Roger, don't be so tight-lipped._

“Oooh, fuuuu…oh. Oh Man! Sorry! I woke you up, didn`t I? Time zones! I completely forgot about time zones. Dang! I`m so stupid! Please don't be mad!”

“You haven't woken me up, sweetie. I can't sleep. I'm so excited you guys are coming today.”

“Roger?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

_Can I say this, sweetie? Isn't that too... I don't know, pushy?_

“I already knew what colour the uniform was. And what my room looked like. I wanted to... I don't know, hear what you sound like. Is that silly?”

“No. Not at all. I think it's kind of understandable that you`re curious. So, what do I sound like?”

“You sound like a nice guy.”

“Thank you. You sound like a nice girl. I look forward to getting to know you, Beanie. Are you afraid of all these changes?”

“No. I think it's exciting! I have some friends I'm gonna miss, sure, but... can I tell you a secret? You can't tell anyone, not even Daddy.”

“Promised.”

“Ok. Well, it's like this...Mum and I didn't get along very well, and I always preferred being with Dad. But I didn't like Gela. I never said anything because I wanted Daddy to be happy. And I...you know, it's kinda cool having a gay dad. I'm assuming his taste in men is better.”

“Oh, I hope so! You promise me something, Beanie?”

“What?”

“Let me be honest, not everyone's gonna think your gay dad is cool. If you get in any trouble over this, or if you do dislike me, please tell me, okay?”

“Taylor's word of honour! Same goes for you…I mean, you never had a child around, right? If I get on your nerves, just tell me.”

“Taylor`s word of honour.”

15 hours after Atlanta Noo Taylor and Roger Taylor had ended their phone call, the latter stood in the arrivals hall of the airport, having one hell of a déjà vu. Plus he was really fucking tired.

Maribelle had wanted to come, but Roger thought they should have this moment to themselves.

With every minute passing, his heart beat faster, palms getting sweaty.

 _Oh well, look at you, Mister Superdom. You act like a girl on prom night! Will the most popular boy in school ask to dance?_  
Only for a short moment he didn't pay attention, yet arms wrapped around his waist. Unusually short arms.

"Man, if you're not Roger, this is gonna be embarrassing."  
"Who the heck are you, young lady?” he laughed. A good camouflage for the unexpected wetness in his eyes.

_Jesus, she looks like John! Taking a running jump, just like her daddy. My heart!_

“Atlanta Noo De Cadenet-Taylor, aka Beanie, Beans or, as Dad is calling me lately, Beansprout. “

“Roger Andrew Taylor, aka… _-sir, haha! -_ Rog, Taylor two, and, as your dad is calling me recently, vole.”   
He bowed gallantly, making Atlanta giggle.

“Forgive me for asking, young lady, but where is your companion?”

“Oh, sire, what grief, but my father was delayed at the baggage carousel.”

_God, I love her! She’s funny and smart and sweet. I love her!_

“What an inconvenience, milady. You must be exhausted from your long journey.”

“Actually, I`m not. I love flying! I watch a lot of movies and drink ten litres of orange juice. That's cool. Oh look, there`s dad.”

“Atlanta, I need to ask you something. I missed your father very much. I mean, very much! Would it traumatize your little soul if I ran up to him now, threw my arms around him and kissed him?”

“Hmmm…nope, I don`t think so.”

That was all he needed to hear.


	19. Chapter 19

John looked gorgeous, John felt fantastic and damn, he smelled good. So, so good.  
“God, I missed you, little spider monkey.” Roger breathed under tears when they came apart. “By the way, your wonderful daughter assured me that she won't get hurt when we kiss.”

“Missed you heaps, Rog. Missed everything.”

They just had to kiss again. Long, very long.

“Happy birthday, my sexy man. I hope you're not too tired.”

“I slept for almost eight hours on the plane. So I'm pretty awake. I'm starving to death, though, because I missed all the food.”

“John Taylor! Didn’t I tell you to eat properly? Come on. Let's go. I'm sure I can find you something to eat at home.”

“Home!”

“Exactly, home. Your home, Beanie`s home, my home. Home.” Holding hands, they walked over to grinning Atlanta. 

"That was extremely sweet, sire.”

“You have a very sweet father, milady! Now follow me to the carriage. Let me take your bags, young lady. There's food and drink waiting at home.”

_And a lot of guests who can`t wait to meet you._

Beanie jumped out of the car when it hadn't even come to a proper stop.  
At the same moment the front door burst open and Maribelle shot out, followed by the whole inner circle.

“Ack!” John chuckled. “The welcoming committee?”  
“The fancy party people.” Roger winked. “Happy birthday again, bass god.”

“Green!”

“Huh?”  
“Bella`s hair! It`s green. I liked the blue better.”

“You should have seen the yellow! That was really, really fucked up.”

“Why does someone dye their hair yellow, please? Yellow is failed bleaching. Ask Nicholas.”

“Well, someone dyed their hair yellow because someone found out that yellow is your daughter`s fav colour and someone wanted to impress her, I guess. But we all agreed that it looked like someone had pissed on her head.”

“She`s crazy!”

“Yes, she is. We should probably get out of the car, they're waiting.”

“Just a minute. Look at Beanie. I love how open-minded she is, greeting everyone like they're her friends.”

“I bet you told her about them.”

“Of course! Soooo, you two had a good start, huh?”

“She called me last night. We had an interesting conversation about the fact that your taste in men is much better than your taste in women. However, I will under no circumstances allow you to gain further experience in this respect. I will be the first and the only one. Is that clear, Johnny angel?”

“Perfectly clear, Sir!” John grinned and before getting out of the car, they shared another deep kiss.

“Daddy! Don`t you think Danny looks like Hagrid`s brother?” Beanie was jumping around like a bouncy ball.

“Who`s Hagrid?” Daniel wanted to know. 

“A semi-giant. Atlanta's right, you could have an equal parent. Was Hagrid's mother a giant or his father? “ Roger asked Beanie.

“Oh, you know Harry Potter, sire? Fab! I love Harry Potter! Who's your favourite character?”

“All the Weasleys. Yours?”

“Hm…Hagrid, I guess. But I can`t remember if his dad was the giant or his mom.”

“Could you discuss this later? Beanie, come, you have to see the garden! We put up a gazebo. And there's lots of food. And when it gets dark, oh, it's gonna look so pretty. Jonah and I got some lanterns.” Maribelle was at least as excited as Atlanta.

“Yeah, go! Chase and I are unloading the car. ...and then you'll tell me exactly who Hagrid is, Atlanta, all right? “ Daniel smiled warmly at the girl. Looked like stealing hearts right away runs in the family.

"It`s Beanie. Come, Maribelle, show me the garden.”

All the adults watched as the girls rushed off, hand in hand.

“Well then, that went smoothly, I`d say.” Mason laughs, then turned to pull John into a hug.   
“Welcome back, John Taylor!”

Roger watched his friends embracing Johnny, watches the obvious joy in all their faces and had to turn away to discreetly wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

If only Faye would find the man of her dreams now and the guy Jonah was recently dating would be the right one, the circle would be as complete as it was about five years ago.  
Well, Mason's wife was a different story.  
She loathed what she called the "pervert squad.”  
Roger assumed that there was a huge dose of homophobia in the mix as well.  
But now was hardly the right time to think about that.  
He took a deep breath and grabbed Johnny`s hand.  
“Need a minute alone with the birthday boy,” he announced, dragging his love inside the house.  
They didn`t quite make it into a room, as Roger pinned his man against the wall right in the hallway, where they melted into a desperate, longing kiss that had them both hard in a split second.  
“Uh…Fender, double Fender,” John gasped, and they hesitantly separated with a chuckle.  
“God, Sir, my vole, Rog…I missed you! I missed everything about you! I wish…oh goodness, this is so selfish, because they have done so much for us, but…”

“I hear you! Part of me wants to lock myself in the bedroom with you and don`t come out for the next 10 hours or so. But, yeah, we can’t . Friends. Beanie.”

“We could go out and celebrate a little and then, in two hours or so, I really need to go to bed because, man, jet lag is cruel!"

“Naughty John. Somebody ought to whip your pretty ass.”

“Do you think we could sneak into the shed at night?”   
Roger was almost losing it when John rubbed against him, body against body, denim cladded cock against denim cladded cock, but somehow he managed to act cool.

“We can certainly do that, but it wouldn't do much good. Because there's nothing left in there. Everything in your house now. Besides, I already have other plans, since we have to be a bit more quiet with the bean sprout in the house.”   
Stepping back, he gave that tempting cock of John`s a good squeeze through the fabric.

“Now behave! I want to give you your present.” He grabbed the small parcel from the hall cupboard.  
“I don`t want a present from you! You have done so much for me, that's really gift enough. Honestly, Roger... all of this... your house, the shed, Beanie's room...”

“Will you stop talking nonsense? It's your birthday, you're getting presents. That's the way it is when it's your birthday. Besides, this gift has a meaning for me, and I hope very much, also for you. Open it!”   
It was a narrow, silver bracelet, the clasp two intertwined Ts.

Taylor and Taylor.

“It is engraved on the inside. Read it before I put it on you.”

*Johnny angel, forever mine. Love, Roger*

John swallowed hard.   
“This is…I think…Roger, is this my collar?”  
“This is your everyday - daughter-proof collar, my Johnny. There is a matching real collar. It is very discreet, I will leave it up to you whether you want to wear it in public at some point, but you will wear it when we are alone or with people who have no problem with it.”

“May I see it, please?”

“You'll see it the first time we have time alone together.”

_Oh, it will look so pretty on you, my love. So beautiful._

Roger let the clasp around John's wrist snap shut.   
“Mine!” he whispered.  
“Yours.” John nodded, bending down to press his forehead against Roger`s.   
So they stood for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness of the other, knowing that their connection was something very special. On stage, in life.   
It was Faye who ruined this quiet, special moment.  
“Hey, you lovebirds, the garden's full of guests! You'll have plenty of snogging later.”

“She's still jealous, you know, sex god?” Roger winked.

“Yeah, keep on rubbing it right into my face, you bloody sadist! Come on, John Taylor, there`s a surprise waiting for you! Close your eyes. No cheating!”

Roger and Faye led the bassist out into the back yard and only when a very familiar voice started to sing *happy birthday*, John`s eyes opened wide.  
“Charlie! Oh my! Charlie! Ands! Nick!”   
Within seconds, John was a sobbing mess, absorbed in a group hug with all his former and soon to be again-bandmates.

 _Do they realise that this is the first time in 15 years? All of us together. What a historical moment!_

He caught Andy staring at him when they all sat down around the huge table in the gazebo, much to his regret way too far away from John, who was framed by Simon and Nick.

Well, Andy.   
They`d have to talk as soon as possible.  
Because Andy was one of his oldest and best friends, he had told him about Anthony. Back when he was so confused about his feelings for a man. And Andy had turned away.   
They hadn't spoken in years, until the day Nick called and announced the grand idea of a reunion.  
That evening Andy had also called after talking to Nick and they had talked for hours.   
Andy had, as he freely admitted, a little problem with gays, but promised to work on it.   
Roger wondered if he even knew about John and him yet.   
It still wasn't official. Nick knew, of course, and he'd probably told Simon. But did Andy know?

With that, he slowly realised that it wasn`t a welcome/slash/ birthday party.

It was a* We are a gay couple moving in together*- party.  
It was actually making it official. 

That feeling warmed his belly and made his cock harden.

_Officially mine!_

Filled with the utter need to claim what was his, he stood again to move behind John and lay his hands on those bony shoulders.

This could be a friendly, supportive gesture, nothing that revealed that they were lovers, but it became clear when Johnny placed his hands over Roger`s, tilting his head back.   
An invitation, a request for a kiss, and Roger was overjoyed to accept the invitation.  
Well, by their standards it was quite a chaste kiss, but still it made it very clear that they were not just friends.  
Roger really had to pull himself together not to reach into Johnny's tousled mop of hair and use the gentle force that they both loved so much when kissing. That gesture that showed who was in charge, the magic hair pull.   
When they parted, smiling at each other, he resisted on looking at Andy and whispered into John`s ear instead.  
“Ok for you to have alcoholic drinks at this table?”

“Sure thing. It doesn't bother me at all. You can have a drink. Or a smoke, if you like. As long as there`s orange juice for Beanie and me. Am I wrong or did Ands' eyes just fall out of his head? Apparently, no one gave him any warning.”

“Oh well, Andy…that`s quite a story. Let's talk about this later. You're not uncomfortable kissing me with everyone watching, are you?”

John pulled him close once more and kissed him tenderly.

“Does that answer your question?”

“Absolutely, Mr. Taylor. I'm gonna go get some drinks. Andy looks like he needs vodka in his orange juice. You go check the buffet over there, yeah? You need to eat!”

“Did I ever tell you that I love it when you have that commanding tone?” Johnny snickered, stealing another short kiss before he stood and joined Bella, Chase and Jonah at the table were all the food was stapled. 

Grinning to himself, Roger went into the kitchen, so absorbed by the warm, fuzzy feeling of love that it took him a while to notice that three men had followed him.

_Ok, then, here comes the inquisition_

“If you want to teach me a lesson, Rodge, that`s not a bit funny!” Andy blurted straight out.

“Teaching you a lesson in what, hm? Tolerance, maybe? Although I guess it wouldn't hurt you,teaching you a lesson was not my intention.”

“Blimey! You kissed Tigger!”

“Tigger? Goodness. I haven`t heard that for quite a long time!” 

“Seriously, Roger!” Simon interfered. “What was that about?”

“You didn't tell them anything, did you?” Roger turned to Nick.

“Not a word. I don't think that's up to me,” the keyboardist shrugged.

“Oh well, then sit, gentlemen.” Roger motioned at the table. “Quick update on my life, Simon. Divorced Gio eight years ago, fell in love with a man five years ago, and even though it ended, I was and I am still sure about being gay. Andy here was not so amused about the fact and he stopped talking to me when I came out to him.”  
“Fuck it, Roger! It`s ages ago, and excuse me, I was a wee bit overwhelmed by such news! We talked that over, I thought! Dude, I told you I`d work on it. But you being gay is one thing, you and Tigger being a couple is another.”

“I got it.” Simon said, stunned. “All this, all the trouble JT had in Los Angeles, it was about him finding out he likes men, right?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, and there have been rumours about Roger being gay, so I thought they possibly maybe would make a good match.”

Roger was more than grateful that Nick kept the other part, the one about whips and submission and all that, to himself. 

“That`s …oh man, I don`t know what to say. Don`t get me wrong, I`m not the least bit homophobic or something, but holy fuck, this is weird!” Charlie shook his head.

“So, no joke, you and Tigger?”

“Jeez, Andy, stop calling him Tigger, please! THAT is weird!”

Nick started to laugh, and what began with a quite chuckle grew into a full laughter in seconds.

“I am dying! A Tigger and a Frog, so that`s why they are calling it sodomy, huh?”  
Even Ands had to laugh at that, and so Roger decided not to comment on it.

_They will get used to it. We`ll be fine._


	20. Chapter 20

It turned out to be a nice party. A very long party.  
Maribelle and Atlanta had gone to bed long ago, in Beanie's room, when the last guests left well after midnight. 

Johnny yawned heartily, stretching his long form.

“Ouch!” A few joints cracked audibly.

“Long day, huh? I suggest we leave all this stuff here and go to bed.” Roger smiled.

“I wouldn't put up much of a fight. Though I…I wish it`s not about sleeping yet.” John blushed.

_I missed that pretty pink! So much! God, yes!_

“I was hoping you`d say this, Johnny angel. I have plans, remember? But first, I have a question. Do you think it's okay to lock the bedroom door? I wouldn't do that if Beanie was alone tonight, because I thought she might need your company when she wakes up the first night in an unknown house. But now that Maribelle's with her..."

“Locking the door is perfectly alright, Sir.” The tongue tip showed and a shudder went through John`s body.

Anticipation. Need.   
Goodness, it was wonderful!

For a brief moment Roger thought about postponing all those nice plans until later and just having sex.

Just normal, hot, intimate sex.

But he had spent hours thinking about how they could deepen a D/s relationship with their limited options, and not only one, but two nine-year-old girls were sleeping across from their bedroom.  
So, better keeping it quiet, right? 

_We have to talk about how much Beanie may hear. Of course, things that sound like violence are completely out of the question. Nothing that sounds like I'm beating up John. Well, no beating up John, that is. No spanking, whipping, paddling. But what about moans and screams and all those noises of lust? Is that Ok? Can Beanie know we're having sex? What do nine-year-old girls know about gay sex? Goodness, there`s so much to think about!_

He wouldn't tie Johnny up or anything.  
Even if the bedroom door was locked, it would take time to free him when the girl eventually knocked and there`s always the risk of her spotting something.  
So , yeah, options were indeed limited, huh? 

_Lucky you seem to like verbal domination so much, John. Let's find out how much._

How much was John willing to give? How far was he willing and able to submit?

Roger cleared his throat, concentrated on finding his inner Dom.  
Serenity. Control. Strength. He would need it.

“Johnny,” he said softly, taking the pile of empty plates he`s carrying from him. “Leave it. Go into the bedroom and wait for me.”

That John was already naked, lying on the bed when he walked into the room a few minutes later, was no big surprise. Still, it was against the rules, and John knew that.

“What did I tell you about how I used to start a scene , John Taylor? Unless I say otherwise, I'm the one who undresses you. Did I say anything about undressing, John?”

“I thought…”

“I don't want you to think. I just want you to do what I tell you. Is that too much to ask?”

“No... I'm... I'm sorry, Roger.” 

Part of him wanted to reassure John, comfort him, tell him that it wasn't all that bad, that he looked beautiful lying there so naked, because, goodness, he WAS beautiful, but it was essential to make it clear from the start who was in charge.

Consistency was important, otherwise he would lose his credibility.

“Get up. Stand in front of the bed, spread your legs and clasp your hands behind your back, facing the door.”

_Oh, God, he's so beautiful! Don't go soft on him, Roger! Serenity! Control! Strength!_

John looked at his big feet, cheeks flaming red.

It looked delightful, a picture of embarrassed subservience. John wanted to obey but was ashamed. 

Although he didn't raise his eyes, he certainly felt Roger looking at him.

"You've lost weight. Have I not told you to eat properly?”

“It was a stressful two weeks.”

“Oh, really? And what do you think it will be like once the reunion is official? Then what do you do, John?   
Starve to death because it`s stressful?”

Now he looked up, and the look on his face was pure defiance.  
“You know what? I've done a lot worse when I've been stressed than just not eating enough, and I'm damn proud of myself for not drinking or doing drugs!”

_Woah! I thought that would be an issue sometime, but this was fast and that's not what I intended. Don't give in now!_

“You should be fucking proud of that, John. Still, I told you to eat properly and I didn't ask you to get undressed. It doesn't work that way, you know? If you wanna be my sub, you do what I say. I love your body, and I want you to take good care of it, you understand? Of course we can also limit the whole thing to funny little bed games. Well, I guess I misunderstood you, John, I thought you wanted more than that. If all you want is a little ass-whipping and hard sex, we got a problem now.”

Fuck.   
John looked like he was about to either punch him in the face or run away.  
He looked angry. Defiant. And hurt.

Nevertheless he had an erection, and he also had a Safe word, which he apparently did not want to use.  
Maybe he needed this little fight with Roger, maybe it was more a fight with himself.

“I'm not a fucking mindless sex toy, you arrogant prick.” He snapped. 

“Your dick seems to like this idea.” Roger stated and John looked down on himself like he hadn't noticed his pretty cock twitching and dripping until now.   
He looked so surprised; Roger almost laughed.   
Instead, he stepped closer.

“You are a strong person, John, and I am full of admiration for you, for what you have achieved. I don't think you're brainless or a sex toy, but you don't have to think or be strong here. You can leave the thinking and the strength to me. Allow yourself to feel!”

“I want to, but it's kind of harder than I thought. My confidence isn't the best and I really have a problem with you criticizing me.” 

“I'm not criticizing you, John. Again, I have some rules, and I want you to follow them. It's okay if you can't. Then we'll have to think of something else. But until you use your safe word, I insist you do as I say. Now, I want you to take the lube from the nightstand, give it to me, and then go back to your present position.”

_Don't give in! He wants it. He needs clear instructions. He wants to obey. His whole body language screams for it._

And John obeyed without hesitation. Although he was insecure and a little angry. It was just as Roger had thought. He needed consistency.

“Thank you, John. Again, I will tell you exactly what will happen. You will stand like this, with your hands behind your back. You're not gonna touch yourself. It'll be a little intense, but I'm sure you can do it. Tell me, my John, have you touched yourself in those two weeks without me?”

“No, Sir.”

“And why didn't you? You said you were under stress. It's very relaxing, isn't it?”

“Yeah, but…it felt wrong. And…er…you said I need your permission to come.”

“That's right, John. I'm glad you stuck to it. It's not one-sided, you know? I didn't touch myself while you were gone either. I'm going to relieve you now, John, even if it's not what you were hoping for. You know what milking is?”

“Huh? What? I'm not a cow!”

“In this case rather a bull. I'm gonna dry you off now, John. Until there's not a drop of cum left in you. And then I'm gonna fuck you. And I'm not gonna stop until you beg for mercy.”  
There were a thousand questions in John's face, yet he said nothing, he asked nothing.   
That was good, in more ways than one. For one thing, he seemed to trust Roger enough to let him do something he didn't know. Second, he was curious and definitely excited, even though he had no idea what was coming.  
Well, except for the fucking part, of course. 

John shivered slightly as he watched Roger spreading a generous amount of lube over his fingers and he craned his neck when Roger moved behind him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Roger had actually intended to stay behind him in order to create a certain distance, to increase the power gap.  
But it was enough that John was naked and he himself was completely dressed, it was enough that John was not allowed to touch himself, had to stand still.

_I want to be able to look him in the eye._

“Turn, Johnny. Come a little closer. Keep your hands behind your back.”

Without warning or any preparation, he reached behind John and pushed a slippery finger into John's tightly closed hole.  
It was just a single, well lubricated finger, so it certainly didn't hurt John. It was probably more the surprise factor that made him cry out.  
Roger found the magical sweet spot that was his man`s prostate in an instant and began to caress the small, hard knot gently but relentlessly.  
Within seconds, John's legs were shaking and he obviously had trouble standing still. After less than two minutes he started to whimper, his hips snapped forward, his dripping cock desperately searching for friction. Something he wouldn't get. Just this finger, just the stimulation of his prostate. Nothing else.   
A few more minutes later he was babbling incoherent nonsense. Music in Rogers ears.  
His whole body twitched, greedy and desperate in search of touch, in search of more, and yet he left his hands behind his back.

“Good boy, John! You're doing great. I'm proud of you. You're such a good boy. Such a beautiful, obedient, good boy.”

“God, Uhn. Please. God. Uh…Uh…Uh…fuck…fuck. God, please, uh…”

Slowly and steadily the juice ran from his swollen cockhead, dripping in Roger`s lap.   
No real orgasm, no real relief, almost unbearable in its intensity.   
But maybe John would reach an orgasm only through this stimulation, just like he was able to come under the whip.  
Oh, he tried! He tried desperately.  
It was so beautiful to watch, it almost made Roger come from just looking at John, at his sweet submission. His struggling, his delicious obedience. 

John was so incredibly strong and so wonderfully submissive, and he just proved very impressively that this was in no way a contradiction.  
After about half an hour John was just a trembling, sobbing mess, barely able to stand on his feet.

But the most incredible, the most overwhelming thing about it was that they looked at each other all the time and both knew that this was only possible because John was a stubborn, defiant bastard and Roger kept absolute control. 

They needed that, both of them, they were the perfect symbiosis.  
As far as fucking until begging for mercy was concerned, Roger failed miserably.   
He came the moment he pushed all the way into John's hot, tight channel.


	21. Chapter 21

John wasn`t just sleeping, he was obviously kind of comatose.  
Must be the jet lag.  
Or the fact that he`s been literally milked dry.  
Would be fun to find out for how long he couldn`t come now.  
Roger freed himself carefully from all those long limbs and was halfway to the bedroom door when it hit him.

_No more walking around naked here. Kids in the house._

The thought hadn`t even come to an end when he heard the laughter from downstairs, and at the same time his nostrils were filled with a delicious smell.  
Coffee. Pancakes. Or wafers, maybe.

His stomach growled in response.

Should he wake up Johnny? Simply to demonstrate that the thing with the proper food was meant drop-dead serious.  
Nah. 

He glanced over to the bed, feeling the sight of the naked man lying there warming his insides.

No, John should rest. 

Besides, it won`t be bad to spend some time with Beanie alone, to get to know her.

Maybe it's also not so bad that Maribelle was there too.

Trying to avoid loud noises, he fetched a well-worn pair of trainers out of the closet.

That would do it, wouldn't it? Maribelle had already seen him with much less on, in swimming trunks, that was. 

So he walked down the stairs barefoot and topless, combing his fingers through the tousled mop of hair as he went.  
At the sight of what he found when he entered the kitchen, he had to laugh out loud.

“Did we get mugged tonight? Did any wild hordes pass through here? Or did a bomb go off?”

“Stop complaining, we're making breakfast! If you'd waited a few more minutes, we would have brought it up to you.” Maribelle wagged the dough-smeared whisk, even more sticky stuff flew through the kitchen, joining the countless stains on the floor.

Beanie slipped from the kitchen counter were she was watching Maribelle making a mess of this place.  
“I'll clean that up right away,” she said eagerly. ”Can you tell me where the cleaning stuff is? Oh, and, good morning!”

“Good morning, ladies.” Roger chuckled. “It`s ok, Beans, I will take care of the cleaning once Miss Montgomery is done with covering the floor in dough. Did you sleep well?”

“Oh, yes! Love the bed, it`s cosy! Enough room for two, right, Belle?”

“Sure thing, Beans! Soon you'll have to spend the night at my place. I must show you my hedgehog collection.”

“I`d love that! Do you really have one that looks like Jonah?”

“I swear! It’s a gift from your dad!”

As if on cue, said dad appeared in the doorway, who without hesitation wrapped his arms around Roger from behind and put his square chin on his head.

Maribelle giggled. “That`s so cuuuuuute! It's such a perfect fit.”

_It is. Oh yeah, it is!_

“This is really very comfortable.” John mused; the smile audible in his voice.

“Maybe for you! I'm gonna have a dent in my skull, John Taylor.”

_And if you continue to press against me so shamelessly, I will not only get a dent in my head but also quite a bump in my pants. Which would be a problem because there are two children smiling at us._

So before his sweatpants could play tent, he freed himself from John's arms and took a step away from him before turning and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.  
They would really need to talk urgently about what Atlanta was allowed to see and what not.  
As far as Maribelle was concerned, he did not worry too much.   
The girl had seen all kinds of couples making out. Straight, gay, lesbian, whatever.  
Did she already know that her parents' relationship was different from other people's?

Probably not, because Chase and Bella took great pains to keep it as discreet as possible.

Uh, well, it was Chase who took the pains…

Ah, the path his thoughts took here was not very suitable for a breakfast with nine-year-olds, yet he couldn't stop imagining going to the club with Bella and Chase.  
And John, of course.  
And Johnny would be naked except for a pair of handcuffs and his collar. Johnny would...

_Fuck, Roger, stop it! Can't you think about something else for a few minutes, you dick-driven moron? Serenity, control, strength, remember?_

John gave a mischievous smile and Roger had the feeling that he knew why he had to step away from him, even though there was no chance that he might have noticed his semi.

He went for the closet where he kept wipes, mops and brooms, took out a few new cleaning cloths and shoved Maribelle away from the counter.

“Sit, Chaos kid. You, too, Atlanta, please. I`ll finish the last load of pancakes, huh?”

In a split second Johnny was behind him again, complete with arms around his waist and chin on his head.

“Oh, fab, now you can show me your secret! How to make pancakes so fluffy.”

“Sit, Nigel! You`re distracting me.”

The girls giggled and John let out an exaggerated sigh before he joined them at the table, stretching his long legs out.

“He's not always this grouchy, Beanie. He's actually quite sweet,” he chuckled.

“Nah, he`s not sweet.” Maribelle shook her head. “He`s…may I say handsome? The rough way, not the sweet.”

“I actually think he is. Sweet, I mean. Like, an old school gentleman.” Beans mused.

“May I remind you that I stand here and listen to every word you say?” 

_She likes me, huh? Yay!_

“So what? We say nice things, don`t we? Danny is handsome, too, the rough way, but he`s indeed no gentleman. And Jonah, well, he`s beautiful. A word I wouldn`t use for a man other than him. He's the rose quartz hedgehog, right?” Miss Montgomery said.

“What about me, then?” John wondered.  
“You…hm…good question. I think you are somewhere in between Danny and Jonah.”

_Ha! Double-ha!_

The thought came out as a short laugh and he turned to face the group.

“Just do me a favour, Johnny angel, don`t you ever grow a full beard like Daniel and please, never use pink lip gloss like Jonah! Ooof…what?” 

Tiny arms were wrapped around him in the blink of an eye, Atlanta`s deep brown eyes looking up at him.  
“You`re not grouchy and that was the cutest thing EVER!”

“Er…that your dad shouldn`t use lip gloss?”

“That you called him Johnny angel! I loooove that!”

Roger felt a little overwhelmed by so much fondness, and a bit clumsy he stroked the girl's hair.

“Uhm…I think the pancakes are ready.”

Funny thing. It took 22 years to fall for John, but not even 24 hours to lose his heart to the man`s daughter.

“Take the first load to your father, Beans. Even angels need to eat.”

Hm, weird. He must have gotten something in his eye.  
As inconspicuously as possible he rubbed the back of his hand quickly over the strangely burning eyes.  
A look at the table in the smiling faces of Maribelle and John showed that this gesture was not as inconspicuous as he thought. 

Soon after breakfast, Bella and Chase arrived, not only to pick up their daughter, but also to help clean up before then.  
Bella caught Roger in the kitchen, standing with a silly grin on his face at the window watching John and Beanie stacking the garden chairs.

“Badass Dom, huh?” she chuckled.

“Says the right person. Have you ever seen the way you look at Maribelle? Yeah, I know, I know, not comparable, but…geez, Bella! She's so trusting, so open, I don't really know how to handle it. But you know what's really completely irritating? I still have dirty thoughts all the time, and sometime it gets really embarrassing!”

“Uh, I so know what you mean! And well, actually I think it IS comparable. From one day to the other you have a kid in the house, but still your partner is more than a parent, of course.”

“I feel so insecure about how to act around her. I almost walked into the kitchen stark naked this morning.”

“You and John need to talk. You need to agree on how you want to handle this. Chase and I, we decided that being naked in our house is totally fine. There's nothing wrong with being naked, is there?   
We realize, though, that once she hits puberty, she might not be comfortable with it. I hope we raised her so she can tell us that when the time comes. Talk to John about it, Roger. It's just important that you guys are on the same page about this. You wanted to talk to Theron and Dylan, after all their situation is comparable to yours.”

“I just got off the phone with Theron. They were in Greece for almost two months. Didn't you hear that Theron's father died? The boys have been staying with Dylan's parents for a long time.”

“How did your parents take it, anyway?”

“Well, they don't know yet. My brother knows, but…”

“Roger! I can`t believe it! How could you keep something so drastic from them?”

“You know very well that they are not exactly enthusiastic about my lifestyle. I was forced to explain to them what was going on between Tony and me when he wouldn't come to visit them anymore. That bastard called my mother, if you remember, and told her about his happy slave life.”

“Oh goodness, yes!”

“See? They know John and they have always liked him a lot, they will probably be happy that we are a couple, but of course they will also wonder what happened to my strange preferences. I told them very clearly at that time that it is a part of my life that I will not give up. So when I introduce John to them as my new partner, I will out him as a sub. After what happened with Anthony, they may no longer see John as the nice Nigel they knew.”

“And they would be right, because I am not the Nigel they knew anymore!”

_Jesus! I have to be more careful! This time it`s Johnny overhearing such a talk, but it could have been Atlanta, goodness!_

Almost panicked, he convinced himself that it was really only John who had come into the kitchen. 

“I told you I would love to visit your parents with you. I`m not Anthony, Roger. I'm not like him. Jean and Hugh will notice that. Shall we go there tomorrow? I'd be delighted!”


	22. Chapter 22

“Oh, you remember your parents?”

His mother sounded angry. Well, rightly so.

After all, he hadn't called in almost two months.

“I'm sorry, Mom. A lot has happened, you know. I don't even know where to begin. I'm happy to inform you that I'm no longer single”

“Aha! So you have been busy with a new…what? Boy? Sub? Slave?”

“Mom! God, that bloody Anthony! I'm so sorry! Parents aren't supposed to know these things. But since you do know, let me assure you, Tony was... crazy. Insane. You know Danny and Jonah, you know Chase. They are not like him, right? So isn`t the man I love. Listen, I would like to come over tomorrow, with him and his daughter. Again, I`m sorry for not telling you earlier but… Mom, I've known this man a long time and I didn't know he was gay or that he... well, shared my preferences. This has all come as a big surprise, and I've had to work that out first. I mean ,goodness, I was in therapy because of Tony and I thought I could never love anyone again, but I do! I love this man and I fell madly in love with his daughter. They moved in with me yesterday.”

“Roger Andrew, are you kidding me?”

“Not a bit. Please, Mommy, I know how crazy this all sounds, but... it's John.”

“John who?”

“Nigel John. Nigel John Taylor. And he has a nine-year-old daughter, Atlanta.”

Silence on the other end of the line.

Birmingham, July 2001

His mother had insisted to have them over for more than just a day or even a weekend, so Roger and John had decided to wait with the visit until Atlanta had gotten used to her new home a bit before they would go to Brum for two weeks.  
Now Johnny pulled up in the driveway of the Taylor house.  
“Not much has changed. It's a bit like time travel.” John mumbled, glancing at the familiar walls.  
Apparently, he was quite nervous, which Roger couldn't blame him for. He felt the same way himself.

When was the last time his parents saw John? Pretty sure at the premiere of *A view to a kill*, with his then current girlfriend. Was that Renee, or Janine? Whoever, it had come to very unpleasant scenes, because that girlfriend had caught John in the parking lot in the limo with Grace Jones, both very naked and extremely stoned. 

“"Are we getting out or what?” Beanie, completely unaware of the tension, didn`t wait for an answer as she bounced out of the car and went straight to the front door.  
Roger was not surprised at all when that door opened before the girl reached it and Jean Taylor appeared.

Beanie didn't even slow down for a second, she bounced happily towards Roger's mother, reaching out a hand.

“Atlanta Noo Taylor, but call me Beanie, please.”

“How lovely to meet you. I`m Jean, Jeannie`s fine, too.”

Finally the men got out of the car and Roger felt his heart flutter when Johnny grabbed his hand.   
Obviously he didn't want to hide anything from the beginning.

Although she had been warned, Jean's jaw dropped at the sight of John.

“Goodness, Nigel! C`mere, honey! God, laddie, have you grown?”

Roger and Beanie changed an amused glance as John lifted the small woman up to give her a noisy kiss.  
“Jean-Jeannie! Not aged a day since I last saw you!”

“Still the same old charmer, huh?” Jean laughed, blushing slightly. “I've heard it works on men, too, lately.”  
“Just on one, that's enough.”   
“I very much hope so.” Roger grinned. “Where`s dad?”  
“Waiting for you in the garden. We got the barbecue going. When he heard you were a vegetarian, he got some corn on the cob. I hope you like it. We also got mushrooms and peppers. And the little lady, is she a vegetarian too?”

“Naaah! I hope you`ve steaks!” Atlanta beamed.  
At dinner Roger could clearly see that his parents were almost bursting with curiosity, but were holding back in front of the girl. He was also pleased to note that they had renounced alcohol on the table while he held hands with Johnny right under it, brushing his thumb over the silver bracelet.  
As much as he enjoyed being together as a family, he longed to finally put the matching collar on John.  
He had taken it with him because there was a club in Birmingham, and he hoped to go there with John sometime in the next few days.  
Was Johnny ready for this?  
God, how he missed to colour that ass! How he missed to hear those screams.

_Think of something else, dickhead! You're sitting here with your parents in the garden. Behave yourself!_

His father caught him alone in the kitchen not much later, when Roger was filling the dishwasher.   
“Well, well. Who`d have thought that.” Hugh said, eyebrows raised and arms crossed in front of his chest. 

“No one's more surprised about that than me, dad, I assure you!”  
“Well, his daughter maybe even more, don't you think? She is transported to another country and presented with a fait accompli. I hope you're at least holding back on your oddball tendencies, Roger Andrew!”

“Oddball tendencies! Fab, dad, that`s a new one! So that`s what this conversation is about, oddball tendencies?”

“No, son, this conversation is about a nine-year -old who had to deal with a drug-addicted playboy-father, who probably saw lots and lots of girlfriends come and go and is now confronted with a bossy boyfriend. How's the poor kid gonna handle that?”

“Firstly, you can be sure that the poor kid won't notice the so-called oddball tendencies. We're not idiots, damn it! Secondly, I get the impression that she likes me and she likes it in England. I think she's wonderful, dad. I know it's not gonna be easy, but we'll get through it, okay? I've never wanted anything so much in my life. I got a family, dad. I'm not gonna jeopardize that.”

“What if John goes crazy like that completely insane little freak? You told us something very similar then, remember? How much you love him and how certain you were that he was the one. What if John starts in on this slave nonsense too?”  
“Johnny isn`t like that. See, I had zero experience back then, I didn`t know how deep and strong such longings could be. Anthony wanted something that I couldn`t give, and it`s nothing that Johnny wants. Just trust me on that, will you? And, again, don't think that we won't be able to live our oddball tendencies without Beans noticing. I wish you guys would have never found out about this. But Johnny's just not like Anthony, you know? He's a responsible father. He quit drugs because of Beanie and he`s clean ever since. After all, it's no coincidence that he won the custody battle. Believe me, I will do everything I can to be a good stepfather to this girl.”

Hugh nodded, finally uncrossing his arms to reach out for his son, pulling him into a warm embrace.  
“You're a stubborn guy, Roger Andrew.”  
“Yeah, I got that from my father.”  
“And Atlanta is a gorgeous little person.”  
“She got that from her father, too.”

“That went well, didn't it?” Johnny crawled into bed beside him and Roger opened his arms wide do welcome the man between them.   
“My mother has always loved you, Nigel. And don't worry, Daddy has concerns, but he likes you a lot too.”

“What concerns?”

“About Beanie being unhappy with a gay dad, far away from where she grew up. About you, let me quote, also starting with this slave nonsense.”  
“Ouch! I completely forgot they know about that. I still can't believe that Anthony actually called your mother to tell her that it is not appropriate for slaves to eat with the parents of the master. “

“Well, he did. And so I was forced to explain to my parents something that I really never wanted to explain to them. My dad probably thinks that I'm gonna whip you around the house all day and keep Beanie locked in her room.”

“Oh, can we do that when Beanie's school starts? Honestly, I miss it.” Johnny sighed, snuggling closer. “I miss kneeling at your feet and your hand in my hair and, fuck, to I hate having to keep it quiet.”

“Same! However, I would know something that is inevitably quite quiet, but still very horny.”

Vanilla or not, a good old sixty-nine never hurt, huh? 

They started the new day the way they ended the one before, making sure that the door was neatly locked. 

Never, absolutely never would Roger get enough of this sight, of John's blessed expression when he came. Or his taste. Or the way he flung those legs around his waist, snuggling against him as if he was about to crawl into him.  
 _I think I can do with a little vanilla for a while. Yeah, I think I can. I would prefer not to, but I can._

A knock at the door brought them out of their post orgasmic bliss and Roger blinked in confusion when Johnny jumped out of the bed, naked as he was, to let his daughter in. He quickly checked on any cum stains or something, but it looked as if everything was well swallowed.

“Jeannie sends me to let you know breakfast is waiting. And if I were you, I'd put some clothes on.”   
Giggling, she blushed just the slightest bit before leaving them alone again.

“So, it`s ok she sees us naked in one bed, yes?” Roger asked as he fished for his boxers beside the bed.

“She knows anyway, huh? That we`re sleeping in one bed. And she most likely knows that sleeping isn`t all we do in it, so I don`t think we should pretend otherwise. I've been thinking, Roger. If she already knows that, maybe I could stop biting the pillow during sex.”

“Hmm. That would be great, because I miss those wonderful sounds you make. However, you should refrain from loud statements like* fuck me harder, sir.* I don`t know what would be more irritating for her, the fuck-or the sir-part.” Grinning, Roger pulled Johnny close for a deep kiss, having him moaning into his mouth in no time.  
Releasing the sweet lips, he grabbed a good bunch of John`s tousled hair, yanking his head back.   
“I just thought vanilla would do it for a while, but I miss your glazed sub-look, Johnny angel.”  
This sentence alone was enough to conjure up exactly this expression on John's face.   
“Oh!” John sighed quietly, his body melting into Roger`s.

“My sweet sub, Johnny. That's you, hm? You're my obedient, sweet boy, aren't you?”

“Huh-huh.”

“I'd love to show you off, Johnny. Would you like that? Would you go to a club with me and show everyone present what a sweet, obedient sub you are?”

“I`d love this, Sir!”

_Judging by that nice hard cock rubbing up against me right now, he actually likes it. He indeed likes it._

“Really, John? Maybe I'd like you naked. Maybe I'd like you to crawl after me on all fours. And who knows, maybe I'd put a big plug in that cute little ass of yours.”

John moaned, his cock leaking against Roger`s belly.

“Oh well, you seem to indeed like this, you greedy bastard.” Roger growled, catching an earlobe between his teeth as he gave that luring cock a few quick, hard strokes. Then he stepped down, smiling ever so sweetly at the panting man.

“Get dressed. We don't want to keep my dear mother waiting, do we?”


	23. Chapter 23

Roger watched his parents and Beanie at breakfast very closely. The three seemed to get along well.  
Although it was very difficult for him, especially after that nice little scene in his room, he couldn't possibly ask now if they would watch Atlanta for one evening.   
That would be cheeky, wouldn't it?  
But damn it, he needed time alone with John. With his sub. He needed Sir-Johnny angel time so bad!

_Congrats, Roger Andrew! Only a few weeks with Beanie around and you can`t keep yourself together! Serenity, control and strength, my arse!_

“Another pancake, Nigel, dear?” Jean pushed the loaded plate in John`s direction.

“No, tha…”

“Yes, mom, he will have one more.” Roger put one on Johnny`s plate, raising his brows at the man`s eye-roll.

Beans giggled. “One could think you are a feeder.”

“A what?” 

“You know, I had this really fat…excuse me, big girl in school, she’s 15 and she never had a boyfriend until this bloke, Randy, showed up, He courted her in a classic way, we were all a bit jealous because he was a really great guy. Tall and handsome, huh? Finally, someone who didn't care that a girl was chubby, so we thought. But he turned out to be really sick. Cindy, the girl, you know, she suddenly left school and there were rumours that she tried to kill herself, so one day our teacher told us that Randy was a so-called feeder. Someone who looks for chubby girls, flatter them and tell them how great and attractive they are, and then try to make them even fatter. There' s stuff! That's sick, right?”  
“Don`t you think your dad is as far away from being a chubby girl as one can be?” Roger chuckled. “But hey, you are right, I`m trying to feed him. Because I think he`s still way too thin. Does that make me a sicko?”  
“Nah. Actually it makes you a very caring person, I think, because you want to make sure that daddy is healthy!”

“I am not so thin that I have to be fattened up! We should work out with Mason more often. It'd be healthier than eating a ton of pancakes.”

“Ok then, eat that pancake and we`ll go running after breakfast. Deal?” Roger squeezed John`s thigh under the table, more a warning than a caress.

_Talking of deals, my Johnny, we have a deal when it comes to you eating properly. Don`t think I haven`t noticed that you didn`t eat much for dinner yesterday._

As soon as they were up in Roger`s room and the door was closed, John snapped:  
“Don't you ever do that again!”

“Doing what?”

“Treat me like a little kid in front of Atlanta and your parents! When I say I don't want any more food, I don't want any more food, is that clear?”  
“We have an agreement, John. I generously let it pass that you only ate a single corn on the cob and a tiny piece of paprika yesterday, but no grown man gets fed up with just one pancake. You said you don't eat when you're stressed. So either you tell me what's stressing you out, or you eat.”

“You just walked away from me. You tell me all this stuff about the club and what you're going to do with me, and then you just ditch me! Fuck, Roger! It does something to me, for fuck`s sake, it makes me feel all…needy and sub-ish and…I never said it has to be bad stress, did I? I was nervous and horny and…”

Roger pulled him into his arms. John stiffened up a little before he snuggled up against Roger's chest.

“You do things to me that sometimes scare me a little. I have such a strong reaction to you, to... To you being so... controlling. It turns me on incredibly. And it's a little inappropriate sitting at the table with Beanie and your parents.”

“I'm sorry, John. I underestimated the effect. I just wanted to tease you a bit. I'm sorry. It's amazing that you're so receptive, I love it! You are wonderful, Johnny.”

“Sooo, it was all just a tease? You don`t want to go into that club with me to…to show me off?”

“I've been dreaming about this for a long time, John. So no, that wasn't just teasing. I really want to go to this club with you. You know I like to test things out, and I wasn't sure if you were really up for it, so I was testing your response. You really want this, huh?”

“I think so. I mean, the thought is... wow. I can't tell what it's actually doing to me, though. How could I? But I'd like to find out. What it feels like. In the real world, not just in my head.”

“You know what, Nigel John Taylor? You are every Dom`s wet dream!”

“I don`t care about any fucking Dom. I care about you. I want to fulfil YOUR wet dreams.”

“No complaints about that, Johnny, but you know I don`t want you to do anything just to please me, right? You know it`s about OUR dreams, not mine alone. Promise me that you won`t do anything you don`t like just because you think I`d be disappointed or something. You are indeed a natural submissive, Johnny, and one can get lost in that feeling.”

“You mean, like Anthony?”

“No. Absolutely not. As odd as it may sounds, Anthony wasn`t…or isn`t , whatever, a true submissive. He never needed a Dom. He never wanted to really submit. He needed someone to grant his desires, and only his desires. Looking back, I actually think it was him dominating me. I had absolutely zero experience and all I learned, I learned from him. And just when he thought I was talking too much to others, or watching others, so I could learn different things, he came up with this very strict Master-slave-thing. He just wanted us to stop socializing, I guess. Didn't want me to keep meeting other Doms or other subs so I wouldn't question anything. I guess he didn't want me to make up my own mind about certain things.”

“How could he want to be a slave without being submissive?”

“I'm not quite sure how to explain it. Sometimes SM is terribly contradictory. Paradox. Hmm. For example, you and I, we go into this club and I say, John, I want you to kneel next to me and not say a word, and you say, no, that's stupid, I want you to whip me right now in front of everyone. Is that obsequious? Do you bend to my will? No, you don`t, right? You want me to do what you say. And when I do that then, everyone just sees what a great slave you are, because nobody realized that I actually wanted something completely different. Anthony wanted everything extreme. Everything had to be fierce and hard, and he demanded it vehemently. I like the hard stuff, but I also enjoy the quiet moments. I like obedience. I like it when you just kneel beside me. I like it when you snuggle up against me with that glassy, spaced-out, happy look. Of course I want to fulfil your wishes, but then when I think it is right and not on command. I'm the one who calls the shots. And in the relationship with Anthony, it was he who set the tone.”

“I understand. I…uhm…I like to obey you.”

“Then eat at least two pancakes for breakfast, that's a fucking order!”

“You know what I'd like? Unfortunately, we can't do that, because of Beanie and your parents and stuff, but when she said the feeder thing, I thought it would be very, I don't know, sexy, if you fed me. I mean, uh...”

“You mean, you kneeling at my side, eating out of my hand?”

“Huh-huh.”

“Oh John, that would be wonderful! See, this is what I was talking about when I said quiet moments. We'll do it once Beanie is in school, yeah? I love you.”  
And then, finally, they went running together.

Later that day John and Hugh were trying to fix Hugh's old Rover.  
Roger liked cars, but unlike John, he had no idea about engines and all that stuff. The car broke down, so you take it to the garage, easy.   
Not like his father and Johnny. They had a hell of a time talking shop over the hood of the car.  
After watching them for a while, Roger joined his mother and Beanie in the garden. It was probably not a bad idea to leave them alone. So they could get used to each other. So his father would see that John was nothing like Anthony.

To his surprise, Beanie crawled onto his lap as soon as he sat down.  
It was the first time the girl sought such close physical contact with him, and he was a little uneasy.  
“Jeannie said my dad used to come here a lot and you would always have locked yourselves in your room. Were you making out?”  
“Oh, God, no! We were into girls. And you should be glad of that, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here.”  
It felt as if his heart was missing a beat or two as Atlanta leaned against him cautiously, almost questioningly.

"Tell me about the first time you met Dad.”  
“Actually,” Jeannie interfered with a smile, “I met him before Roger did. He came to this house, you know, in…hmm…I guess it was September. September 1978. He and Nicholas, they showed up at the front door, asking for Roger, the drummer.”

And just like that, Roger remembered everything as if it were yesterday.  
He put one arm around Beanie's small shoulders, finally allowing himself to return the proximity.

“I came home from school to find Mom sitting in the kitchen with two really weird guys. They kind of reminded me of parrots or birds of paradise.”

Atlanta giggled. “And then? What happened then?”

He told her. Told her how they asked him to come to an audition, how he went to the Bates` house the other day and how it first happened. How they had looked at each other and Nigel had carelessly put the guitar aside to take the bass, which somehow just happened to be standing around in Sylvia's garage. The birth of the legendary rhythm section.   
Maybe there was such a thing as fate. Perhaps on that day the foundation stone had been laid for something that only revealed its true meaning almost 23 years later.


	24. Chapter 24

_Something`s wrong._  
The thought seemed as loud as a scream in Roger`s head when John crawled into bed with him- He could feel the tension, noticed the uneven breathing and how Johnny avoided eye-contact.  
Apparently he had something on his mind, but did not dare to say it.  
“It was a beautiful day, wasn't it?" he said as harmlessly as possible while he pulled him into his arms.  
“Hm-hm.”  
John swallowed, inhaled deeply and…nothing.  
His hand played almost absently in Roger's chest hair.  
Roger waited.  
Another swallow, another sigh.  
“Did you get the car fixed?”  
“Uh? Oh…yeah. Your old man is a genius, really.”  
“Did he say something weird to you, Johnny angel?”  
“No, why?”  
“Because you seem to have something on your mind that's bothering you and you can't tell me. Maybe dad made a stupid comment. About what he calls slave nonsense, for example.”  
“No, it's not that.”  
Again John avoided his gaze. The soft pink on his cheeks suggested that it was something about this topic. Slave nonsense. Sub-things. Whatever.  
“Talk to me, John.” It just happened that Roger's voice went into Dom- mode. He didn't really do it consciously.  
Observe. Drawing conclusions. React.

John was feeling insecure, it was obvious. So Roger took the lead.

_I`m here. I hold you. Whatever it is, it`s mine. Like all of you is mine._

“Is it... I don't know... I'm not like Anthony, but... I feel... I want... I don't know how to put it. I don't feel like your slave, and yet I want to be your property. It's all so intense, Roger. And it's wonderful because I've been numbing myself with all kinds of things for so long. Now I want to feel everything. Everything that's possible. Not just pain. It isn't all about pain. I want to give you every feeling that's in me and sometimes I just don't want to have to be John Taylor. God, this all sounds so stupid.”

“It doesn`t. You want to give yourself and I want you, John, I want all of you. And everything you are is safe with me.”  
“I, uh... I think I get off on being humiliated. I mean, not to be insulted or reviled, but... it's so hard to explain. Remember how people said we were miserable Musicians; we were nothing but a bunch of pretty boys with too much makeup? It was disgustingly humiliating because it just wasn't true. It was mean and hurtful because it was a fucking lie. But if you tell me that I'm, uh, a pain slut or something, it's not a lie. It's the truth, and you confront me with it, and that's what turns me on. And I... I think it would turn me on a lot more if you did it in front of other people. Could we do that, Roger, please? Can we go to this club and I can leave John Taylor at home and just be yours? I just want to feel. Whatever you want me to feel. And I want you to talk, I love hearing you talk ...about me, about who I am, about what you do to me and what it does to me. And I want others to hear it.”

John took a shivering breath and looked at Roger with his pretty, frightened eyes.

Roger`s heart melted. John wanted to show the world the other John. Well, not the whole world, of course.

He became very warm, everywhere, his skin tickling and adrenaline rushing through his veins. 

John had revealed much more to him than just a wish or a fantasy. He had told him exactly what he needed, even if John himself was perhaps not really aware of it.

Three days later Roger parked the car in front of said club. John had not been able to drive, he was terribly nervous.  
“Breathe, Johnny. Remember, you're safe with me. A little fear is okay, but if you panic, I will stop, even if you don't say your safe word. You're safe, you hear?”  
John nodded. He hadn't spoken since they left Roger's parents' house. 

“You may speak, my angel.”

“I don`t want to.” 

“I see.” Roger smiled softly and stroked his hair.  
“Before we go in... this is not a gay club, John. And when people stare at us, it's probably not so much because you're John Taylor, but that gay couples are rarely in there. And because you're beautiful, of course.”  
His fingers brushed over the metal around John`s neck. The noble, simple silver looked much prettier on him than he had imagined.  
John sighed deeply when Roger clicked the thin leather leash on the ring of the collar. His whole body seemed to buzz like a guitar string, A bass string, in this case.  
He radiated energy and presence, almost like on stage, which seemed to be a contradiction. 

But it wasn't. Roger had felt this many times before. Submissive people, who were generally thought to be rather patiently passive, had an enormous sexual energy. At least when they were sure of themselves. Maybe it was the expectation of the unknown, not knowing what was going to happen. Maybe the mixture of joy, anticipation , lust and just the right amount of fear. 

Keeping John on a leash was weird. So unlike with Jonah, or Anthony.  
He led him across the parking lot towards the entrance. The gravel certainly pricked the soles of his bare feet, but John was neither hesitant nor complaining. As nervous as he was, he wanted this. Maybe even more than Roger.

They entered the entrance hall; in front of the cash desk a small queue of illustrious people had formed and John's curious glance wandered over those present. Roger envied him a little for the overview he had because of his size.  
He hadn't been in this club much. He came to Birmingham primarily to visit his parents, it wasn`t the place for SM. But that they were here today instead of the club in London where everybody knew him and where he had played with a lot of subs came in very handy. It`s about John and he would not waste a lot of time greeting old friends and making small talk.  
He recognized the young woman at the cash register when it was their turn, and from the look in her eyes she recognized who was standing in front of her. 

She hid her astonishment under friendly professionalism.

"Would you like a bracelet for your sub?"

He pondered for a moment and then decided to leave it up to John.

"Megan, right?"

“Yes, that`s me. “

"So, Megan, would you be so kind as to explain to my sub the meaning of these bracelets?"

“Sure. There are red, white and green. Red means don't touch, don't watch, keep your distance. White says you can come closer and watch, but you can't play. And green, you know, green. Green light for everything, if the Dom agrees, of course.”  
That Johnny chose a white one was not particularly surprising.

"Have a nice evening." Megan smiled.

"We will." Roger winked at her.

It was pretty crowded for a weekday and Roger let his eyes wander through the room searching until he found a table that not only had room, but also had people sitting at it that made a good first impression.  
There were two couples, dominant ladies with their male subs. Just what he wanted. 

"Excuse me, ladies, may we join you?" 

"Of course!" said the smaller of the two. Roger liked her right away. Her sub sat beside her and interrupted his conversation with the man kneeling on the floor to give them a friendly smile, but left it to his mistress to introduce herself first.

“I`m Fanny. This is Ryan.”  
“Chloe,” said the other woman, and they shook hands. It had not escaped Roger's notice that she didn`t introduce the man at her feet.

“Roger, my pleasure. This is…”

“Beautiful John.” Fanny grinned, looking him up and down. 

_Ack! I still underestimate our popularity. Well, John`s, at least._

“I'm sorry, we left the beautiful John at home. This is the even more beautiful Johnny angel.”

The ladies nodded understandingly and Roger was pleased that his knowledge of human nature had not let him down. If he wasn't fooled by everything, they were perfect for what he had in mind.

“Oh, he`s indeed very pretty, your angel.” Fanny beamed. 

“This collar is adorable. Like the man who wears it.” Chloe confirmed. 

"This is Sonny, by the way. "

“Do you guys know each other?” Ryan asked, visibly confused.

“Just from seeing, more from hearing.” His lady giggled. 

“Eh? I don`t get it!”

“It doesn't matter, honey, you don't have to know everything.”  
The man on the floor had still not said anything and stared intently at Chloe's feet. Somehow he reminded Roger of John.  
“Is Johnny angel not allowed to talk?” Chloe inquired with interest.

“He may, but he doesn't want. It's our first visit to the club together, and he just wants to let it sink in. Isn’t that right, Johnny?”  
John nodded, shrugged his shoulders and gave the ladies a gorgeous JT-smile.  
Then he looked at the kneeling Sonny. He was probably wondering whether he should kneel as well.  
Roger wouldn't order him to do that, just like he said in the beginning. It was something that had to come from John himself. Devotion could not be ordered. You felt it or you didn't feel it  
Roger sat down on the last free chair, so Johnny had to figure out what he wanted to do. Kneel? Sit on the floor? Or just keep standing? He chose the latter, but Roger was sure that this would change in the course of the evening.

“What about Sonny? Is he not allowed to talk to us?” he wondered.  
“Yes, of course. But he's probably a little embarrassed that a gay couple burst in in the middle of a discussion with Ryan about whether a plug in the ass is gay or not.” Chloe grinned. 

“I'd say that depends on who put it there or on whose request he's wearing it.” Roger said matter-of-factly.

_Great! A fit occasion, woohoo! Here we go._

“Johnny's plug, for example, I have placed it where it belongs myself.” he continued. “In our case this is not only a nice toy, but it also ensures that he remains fuckable. I guess that makes it pretty gay.”  
Sonny kept looking at Chloe's shoes, his face now glowing red, while John once more studied his own feet.  
The face colour was about the same.  
Chloe grinned even wider.  
“Now look at them! You'd think they'd be embarrassed, but they're bursting with lust. Stand up, Sonny, and let's see if you've got a nice boner like Johnny.”

_Yes! God, I love that woman, great minds think alike._

Poor Sonny made a pained noise, but stood up obediently.  
The two men were extremely handsome to look at in their contrasts, which became even more apparent now that Sonny was standing. He had white-blond hair and very green eyes, was short and a bit stocky.  
Next to him the tall, slim John with his brown fuzzy head, to which the lighting gave a reddish-golden shimmer, the brown eyes still fixed on his toe tips. Sonny wore short, tight-fitting trousers made of burgundy latex, John a pair of long black leather pants. Both were barefoot and topless and both sported an impressive erection.  
“Nice!” Roger stated as he stared at the bulge in tight latex, knowing that Sonny was probably totally uncomfortable to have a gay guy looking at his dick. Well, it's not like the sub was naked and of course he would never disrespect him by touching him or anything.  
Roger and Chloe had started to play the game. Let's see where this went.  
“Do you think he might be gay if he liked a plug in his ass?” The Domme mused.  
“Hm…nah. I think he could be gay if he likes a cock up his ass. Some people don't get to that until quite late, do they? Like Johnny. ”

Fanny, who had obviously decided to play along, interfered. “Yes, really! Didn't that man bang anything with tits? Why this change of heart?”

“Hey!” Ryan interrupted. “Will someone please tell me how you all know each other?”  
“Could someone please explain” Fanny started to sing.  
“The reason for this strange behaviour.” Chloe finished. “Wait, no, that's not appropriate, Roger was already gone!”

“Oh! Oh , fuck! you guys are... for real? No way!” Sonny blurted, eyes going wide.  
“Damn it! I don't understand a word you're saying! Who are you?” Ryan sounded downright desperate.

“We're looking at two out of three Taylors here. Along with a Rhodes and a LeBon, they were once in a band called Duran Duran” Fanny explained.

“Like I said, it's not John Taylor, it's Johnny Angel. We're not here as the rhythm section, we're here as Dom and sub. Would you please respect that?” Roger didn't feel like talking about Duran Duran. It was neither the right place nor the right time. This was Sir -Johnny Angel time. Something they both desperately needed.  
Especially Sonny seemed to like what was said, he nodded approvingly.

"We all need a time-out, that's why we're here, I think. By the way, just to be clear, I have nothing against gays. I just definitely don't want to have a cock up my own ass.”

Just like that, the smaller man stood on his toes to give Johnny a noisy kiss on the cheek.  
“Welcome to Dark Desire, brother.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, I like writing evil Roger, I really do!

“Boys, be nice and get us a drink, please. I guess Roger, Fanny and I are gonna have to have a little talk without you. So take your time.”

Chloe had taken the lead, and with Roger, that was more than welcome. The three Dominants should be in reasonable agreement about the further course of the evening. He let go of Johnny's leash and they looked after the subs on their way to the bar.

“Sorry about the Duran-thing.” Fanny started. “We were just pretty surprised to see you guys show up. Here. Together. Wow!”

“It`s ok. I was expecting one or two people to recognize us. But we are here to play, because we haven't done that for far too long.”

“What kind of game were you thinking of? I see you didn't bring any equipment.” Chloe tapped her foot against a bag on the floor with several crops sticking out of it.

“The visit here is more or less spontaneous, we are actually visiting my parents, and so I do not take whips with me. But for what I'm planning, I don't need any equipment anyway. My hands and my voice are quite sufficient.”

And then he explained to the ladies what he was up to.

The constant whispering around them got louder when the three men were back with the drinks.

Word seemed to have gotten around that celebrities were present.

.  
_Don't kid yourself. Very few people will know who you are. It's John they recognize._

And if everything went the way he wanted, he would strip John Taylor completely, to the very bottom of his naked soul Tearing down every last layer of glamour pop star until there was nothing left of Posterboy John.

Yes, John was undoubtedly still a beautiful man, still attractive in his own way. But today he would reveal a different kind of beauty.  
As expected, Johnny had brought himself a simple water and a Coke light for Roger, and when he wanted to take a sip from his glass, Roger pulled it away from him without a word, passing it over to Fanny, then he formed a cup with his hands.

Fanny poured water into it.  
Of course this kind of *cup* was not really leakproof.  
“You better hurry or you'll have to lick it off the table top.” Roger said with a sugar sweet voice and a very friendly smile.

John stared at him in amazement for a split second, then bent down and slurped the water from his hands.

“He slurps.” Fanny noticed with a hint of disapproval.

Roger hid his amused grin. Fanny's friendly, round face suddenly had something of a strict teacher reproaching a child.

“That`s the way it is with these famous people, Fanny. They think they don't have to behave because they're oh so special. It's pretty disrespectful, if you ask me.” Chloe shrugged.

John snorted, definitely more upset than ashamed.  
“If you can do better, you can teach me!”

“Excuse me, Mr. Superstar. Am I wearing a collar and a leash? Do I look like I drink out of someone's hand?” Chloe threw him an angry look. “Honestly, Roger! That's Johnny Angel? He seems more like a stubborn, spoiled little brat to me.”

“Come on, Chloe, lighten up. He's new, he's still learning.” Fanny said softly. The two of them gave a great version of good cop, bad cop.

“All right, poster boy. Watch and learn!” She tugged at Sonny's hair, who had taken the place at her feet again as soon as they returned from the bar.

Fanny poured some of the sparkling wine their subs had brought into her friend`s cupped hand.  
Sonny drank. Unlike John, who sucked the liquid through his chapped lips, he only used his tongue.  
That took a while, because, of course, it was not easy to drink like that. Afterwards Sonny carefully licked the hand of his Mistress clean.

“You see, Johnny brat, this is how you do it.” She looked at him arrogantly, with raised eyebrows, and again Roger denied himself a grin.  
“And because my love did so well, we now present the nicer version.” Chloe took a sip and pulled her sub towards her to kiss him, letting the champagne flow into his mouth. 

It looked very erotic, Roger thought. He'd like to do the same to John, but his man needed to get a little humiliated first, didn't he? After all, this had been his explicit wish, which Roger would fulfil with the utmost consistency.  
John didn't look a bit humble though, rather quite defiant.

“Great!” he smirked. “Really, really great! It's always been my greatest desire to drink like a damn dog out of a cupped hand. Great performance, I'm impressed!”

“It should be your most fervent wish right now, John.” Roger spoke softly and threateningly. “Because that's what I want. I want you to drink from my hand with your pretty pink tongue. But first, you apologize to Chloe and Sonny for making fun of something they did for you. Does Sonny look like a dog to you?”  
He reached for John`s leash and pulled hard on it.  
“Say you're sorry or you'll lick the next sip of water off the table. Bent over with your pants down and your legs spread so those nosy people who have been whispering about you the whole time can admire your nice, well-plugged ass.”

“Oooh!” Chloe clapped her hands enthusiastically. “We can skip the apology if you want. John Taylor's bare arse would be so much better than a bunch of empty words!”

“Don't worry, Chloe, you're definitely gonna see it tonight. You and a whole lot of others. Because that turns him on, even if he doesn't admit it. Nevertheless, I insist on an apology.” Roger still kept John on a short leash in the truest sense of the word, his eyes darting into Johnny`s. He clearly saw the fight he was going through with himself. Saw the desire to obey battle with his pride.

_Come on, Johnny! You can do it. You want it._

The pink tip of his tongue, which refused to drink from his hand, appeared between his lips. His breath quickened.  
Roger loved that. Loved that moment of struggle, loved to know that John would give in in the end.

He wrapped the leash around his wrist several times, pulled him even closer and took a nipple between his teeth, biting down hard.  
John gasped, but instead of pulling away, he leaned in for the bite, for the pain.  
With that, he had him.  
Roger released the delicious little knob and gently stroked it with his thumb.

“You like that, don`t you?” 

“Uh-huh.”

The four others at the table watched them with bated breath, Sonny even got up to have a better view.  
All of a sudden it seemed to be very quiet, despite all the people.

“You know everyone's looking at you, John, yeah? You know, everyone's wondering why John Taylor, the sex god, the one who's banged everything with tits, lets a man hurt him. Why is that, John? Why do you let me hurt you?”

“I…Uh…I like it when you do that.”

“I know, John. But now I don't want your pain. Now I want your obedience, and so you will apologize. You will do everything I tell you to do without hesitation and without reluctance, do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“There you go.”

He let go of the leash, feeling strangely proud when John turned to Chloe in a split second and said, loud and clear, “ I'm sorry, Chloe. I didn't mean to make fun of you. Sonny, you are definitely not a dog, and I... I kind of admire you. Some things are not as easy for me yet as they are for you, but I really want to learn.”

“Thanks, Johnny angel. It was a sincere apology, and Sonny and I will gladly accept it.”

“Well done. Now get undressed.” Roger commanded.

Whatever John had wanted to say, he swallowed it and reached for his belt buckle.  
Fast as lightning, like he's afraid he'll think too much about it if he did it slowly, he shook the pants down and stepped out of the leather pooled at his large feet. His gaze clung to Roger, just like his arms and legs usually did when they were in bed. The pretty cock was so hard that it snapped audibly against his belly, leaving a wet spot.

Quite obviously, John was not only into pain.

Roger stood and placed his chair with the seat facing the room before he sat down again, spreading his legs. He didn't bother to hide his own erection. John should see how much it turned him on. Everyone who watched... and a hell of a lot of people were watching... should see it. That was his Johnny, that's what his Johnny did to him.  
“Come here.”  
He motioned the naked John into the V of his thighs and almost exploded with happiness and pride when John knelt down before him. That's what he wanted. John's willing submission, his honest, true feelings. And he gave that to him, here, in front of all these people.

What he was about to do was risky, and he knew it.  
You never knew how someone would react to public humiliation. Even experienced subs were already completely freaked out by something like this, and John was far from experienced.  
Pain was one thing. It was physical, direct and honest. Quite a few were downright proud of what they could endure.

For many, enduring pain was a sign of strength. 

But Roger knew that words and gestures would go much deeper than a blow.

He brought his face close to John`s, looking at him intensely.

“My Johnny.” He said softly, combing his fingers through the tousled mane. “I love you. Remember that. Don't you ever forget that. Promise me you'll use your safe word if you can't get along. I need your absolute honesty now, yeah? No false pride, no bitching.”

“I promise, Sir!”

_God, I want to kiss him so bad, he's so beautiful! But if I do that now, I'll go soft. And then it doesn't work._

He leaned back and John followed every move with his eyes, all attention focused on him.  
Still, he didn`t see the fast, sharp slap coming.  
Being punched in the face was a taboo for many, even for hardcore masochists.  
Danny, for example, would never allow it.  
Jonah, however, appreciated the humiliation that went along with this gesture, and Anthony...

_Jesus, Roger, pull yourself together. This is John! Don't start comparing. It's about John, and John alone._

“You know what that was for, Johnny?” Roger asked and was surprised himself how cold his voice sounded.

“For insulting Chloe and Sonny?” 

“No, you apologized for that. It's about your priorities. About the fact that you can open your mouth to talk snide about others, but you don't think it necessary to explain to Fanny why you no longer fuck everything with tits.”

He hit again, harder this time.  
“And what was that for, huh? Can you guess?”

“I…I don`t know.”

“Because I enjoy it, John. I hit you because I enjoy it. And you know what? I think you enjoy it, too. Why else would your horny cock be dripping all over the place, John? Look at that, there's already a puddle on the floor from your horniness. I can smell you, John. I'm sure they can smell your horniness way back where all those people are standing. The people wondering what happened to the supermodel-fucking sex god.”

Roger struck again, because, God knows, he really liked it!  
And the best thing was, John liked it too.  
Everything about him cried out for more. But it wasn't supposed to be about pain, so Roger resisted the temptation to just keep going. This was something for another time.

He got up and unzipped his pants.  
“Show Fanny and all the others that you'd rather suck dick than fuck pussy! Oh, no, Johnny angel, no hands! I just want your hot, greedy mouth.”

_He does it, he really does it. Oh my fucking God! You see that, Johnny, my love, my beautiful John? I would have left a puddle just as big; this makes me at least as horny as you, you see that?_

It wouldn't take long. Too good felt the moist warmth of this mouth around his shaft, too knowing was the busy tongue. But it didn't matter, because as good as it felt, it was only a means to an end.  
The orgasm came so fast and violent that Roger barely managed to pull John's head back brutally by his hair to shoot straight into his face.

“Don't you dare wipe it off! I want you just like that, with my cum on your face. Because it looks very pretty, you know? Really beautiful! You look exactly like the cock hungry bitch that you are. And so that everyone can see that, go to the bar and get me a coke, because mine has gotten warm. Ryan, why don't you go with him? Looks like the ladies need some new drinks, too.” He wouldn't let John go alone, not like that, naked and covered in cum, but he couldn't accompany him himself, not as shaky as he was. It would spoil the whole point.

Roger made sure that the other club visitors kept a respectful distance. He would intervene immediately if anyone came near John. But people played by the rules. Good.

Chloe whistled approvingly as soon as they were out of earshot.  
“You're mean, man. Weren't you the shy one?”

“Exactly. I was the shy one and John was the one who fucks models. We are a dream team.”  
He turned to Sonny.  
“Are you okay? I mean, that was pretty gay, right?”

“Dude! That was incredibly hot! If you were a woman, I would marry you right now, for real!”

“Polygamy is forbidden, my dearest husband, and furthermore I'll spank your charming bottom for this saying.” Chloe smiled sweetly.

“Promised?” Sonny batted his eyelashes and made everybody laugh.

Roger scanned the room again, preparing himself for John`s return. It wasn't over yet. The evening was still long.


	26. Chapter 26

There he was, in all his naked glory, proud and upright, and he smiled in raptures.

“I could fucking eat you, John Taylor!” whispered Roger.

“He looks like he's on drugs,” Fanny remarked.

“No!” Roger snorted, more sharply than intended, then he sighed.

Fanny might be thoughtless, but she was by no means malicious.

"Sorry, Fanny. It is just...I have seen him, drugged, far too often. And believe me, that is in no way comparable, even though hopefully he is having an enormous endorphin rush at the moment.”

John and Ryan had reached the table before the woman could reply, and Roger forced himself to look as evil and merciless as possible.

_He wanted this. And we're gonna do it to the very end, goddamn it, even though I'd rather snog him to death. Runs around here stark naked with a plug in his ass, his face sticky with cum, this brave, wonderful guy!_

Roger`s cock filled with the utter realisation that John was doing this for him. At his command.

As John knelt gracefully before him, he almost groaned in delight, and that soft, blissful smile brought him to the verge of madness.

Now would be the right time to let John try the drinking again, but with trembling hands it would probably not be very dominant. And if he gave John his water over his mouth, he would lose himself in those soft lips.  
Honestly, being the hard Dom was really difficult sometimes!

He reached back blindly and someone, probably Chloe, shoved Johnny's glass into his searching hand.  
While John gave Roger his coke, Roger wordlessly handed him his water and both emptied their drinks in one go.

Chloe, who had apparently noticed how much Roger was struggling to dominate, decided to intervene to help, just as they had discussed. 

Roger had not been too ashamed to admit to the ladies how terribly in love he was, and that this sometimes stood in the way of being evil.

So Chloe clicked her tongue in disapproval before saying: “Well I don't know, somehow he still looks like a slick fucking popstar, even with your cum on his face. I think he enjoys it far too much for being truly submissive. I could lend you my whips, Roger.”

“Oh, believe me, Chloe, he'd like that even more. Isn't that right, John?”

Somehow it was touching to see John blushing. Here he knelt naked and humiliated, and the mention that he liked pain made him blush. The human psyche was always surprising.

“Yes.” John said so softly that he was almost not heard. 

“I'm sorry, did you say something?” Ah, fuck, it was so hard to be so distanced! 

“I would like it.” John did not speak any louder, but at least he spoke in complete sentences. He looked almost desperately at his treacherous, twitching dick.

“Not today, pain slut. Get on the table, on all fours. Show our viewers your pretty face. Very nice. That's my good boy. Open your mouth and stick out your tongue.”

Roger reached into his pocket and pulled out the only utensils he had brought with him, four wooden pegs from his mother's clothesline.

Well, that would certainly hurt now. But even that was only a means to an end, because it was more about the degrading position.

John whimpered softly as Roger clasped two of the clamps to the obediently stuck out tongue.

Then nothing more happened for quite a while.  
That meant Roger did nothing but watch John fight, fight against drooling on the table, which of course he failed. Fighting the biting, unfamiliar pain that brought tears to his eyes. Yet another fail. 

Roger could see the exact moment he surrendered.  
The moment he let go and accepted all these sensations, allowed himself to feel as he felt.  
It was beautiful. He was beautiful.  
The beauty of total, unconditional surrender.

No, this crying, drooling, shivering heap of man had nothing left of John Taylor, the pretty poster boy. Nothing of the brilliant bass player, the mundane jetsetter. John was reduced to pure feelings, naked, raw feelings.   
It was time for the finale.

Roger went up to John on the table and sat behind him, with his legs under John`s body. Then he bent one leg until his knee touched the hard cock.   
John sobbed. He tried to speak, which of course didn't work because of the clamps.

“You want to call it off, John? No problem. Take out the pegs and say your word.”

He shook his head vehemently.

“Ah, I see. That makes you so horny you want to come, doesn't it?”

Desperate nodding.

Roger pulled the plug out a little and immediately sank it back into John's tightness.

Actually he wanted to say something mean, something about it that John drooled like a dog, with his tongue hanging out, but he felt that John had reached his limits as he moaned and his arms began to tremble.

“You may rub against my leg until you come.”

And John did. With a heart- breaking desperation, while Roger fucked him with the plug.

As the last drop of seed left John's twitching body, any dominance disappeared from Roger's mind.  
He was off the table at breakneck speed, carefully removing the clamps, which gave John another scream, and wrapping his arms around the shaking body.  
Johnny moved until he sat at the edge of the table and clung to him with all his arms and legs, crying.  
“I got you, honey.” Roger cried no less, absolutely overwhelmed with what just happened. They just held on for half an eternity, then John's soft lips found his and they kissed like they had never kissed before, literally melting into each other.

“Thank you,” Roger finally whispered breathlessly and brushed the sweaty hair from John's forehead.

"Isn't that my line, Sir?"

“If you're gonna be able to make stupid jokes again, I definitely did something wrong.” Roger chuckled, searching for those delicious lips once more.  
“You didn`t. That was…oh God, Roger, it was perfect! Really scary at times, but wow. You are wonderfully evil. What's that noise?”

“Oh, please, Mr Popstar, you must know this. It's called applause!”

“Why the fuck…”

“Because you are wonderful, John Taylor.”

“No, Roger! We're wonderful together. I'm just afraid I really don't feel like an encore.”

“God, John, you're incredible! Now shut up, I want to kiss you to death.”  
When they finally managed to separate, very hesitantly and reluctantly, Ryan showed John where the showers were.

“Do you smoke?” Fanny asked. “I could really need a cigarette; you guys shook me to the bone! And believe me, I've seen a lot! Damn, he's gorgeous!”

“Yes, he is. And I smoke. Is there a smoker`s lounge?”

“No, we have to go outside. You make a great couple, Roger, really!”

“Can I come with you?” Sonny asked and the three of them made their way out . They each smoked two cigarettes and forgot a little of the time over their lively conversation, so it happened that John and Ryan were already sitting at the table when they came back.

John slipped out of his chair as soon as he saw Roger.  
"No, dearest, don't get up. I'll get us another drink. Is there anything to eat around here?”

“They have snacks at the bar. The nachos are great.” Chloe said.

“I`ll get some for all of us. More champagne for the ladies?”

“If John doesn't mind.” Fanny still seemed to be ashamed of her thoughtless remark earlier.

“That's perfectly all right. And you, Roger, should have a whisky. I noticed you've been giving it up lately because of me. My alcoholism is not your problem. I found a much better drug.”

“One that you recover from amazingly quickly! Man, if Chloe had done that to me, I'd be dead for the next 48 hours.” Sonny stated, his voice full of utter admiration.

“I always have to let it sink in. Probably the full force of what happened hits me hours later. And that's good, because I know Roger's there. It wouldn't work for me if he wasn't there. Well, I mean, I couldn't do this if we weren't living together. I need to be able to talk to him whenever I want, and I need to feel him. He`s calling me his spider monkey, because, if I could, I would crawl into him, so much I need his touch.”

_So much love in his words, so much trust. And after that extreme experience. I'll be damned if I'm ever going to betray that trust._

As so often before, Roger stood behind John's chair and massaged his shoulders.  
Now he kissed the wet mop of hair and suddenly wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed with his John, to be alone with him.

He, too, had been quite affected by what had happened. 

It could have gone wrong. He could have destroyed something. Trust, for example, or worse than that, love.

And then there was this evil, greedy part of him that was triumphantly wallowing in the thrill of might. That part which appreciated the thought of an always willing, always submissive slave.  
Not for the first time Roger thought that it was probably pretty good for both of them, that they had so much more in life besides SM.  
Atlanta. The music. Friends and family.

Because together they had the potential to get completely tangled up in this Master/slave thing, Roger realized after this experience. 

And that was a little bit scary.

The flashback came hours later, just like John had said, when they were running together.

John suddenly stopped as if rooted to the ground and it took a few seconds before Roger noticed that he was no longer beside him.  
John just stood there staring into space, he didn't react when Roger approached him.  
“Hey. What`s wrong?”

“Clothes pegs. How do you come up with that?” he muttered. “Fuck! I bet I looked like a fucking idiot.”

_Okay, that was to be expected sooner or later._

Roger let John grumble quietly to himself for a while.  
This was part of the process.   
When he thought that Johnny had talked enough about how completely silly and disgusting he must have looked, he grabbed his arm.

“Stop this! Shut up and listen. If you take the glossy version of yourself as a benchmark, yes, you must have looked pretty silly. I don't think anybody but a bunch of pervs would have put up a poster of that. But if you take trust and dedication as your yardstick, John Taylor, then you were the most beautiful thing this club has ever seen. Do you know how fucking beautiful you are when you give yourself over? Don't worry about how you look, John. Worry about what you feel. Did you feel silly, or even disgusting?”

He seemed to think about it intensively for a moment.  
“No.” he finally said. “I felt…a little ashamed. But proud too. And... kind of weightless. Floating. And, well, horny. I was clearly pretty horny .Fuck, Roger, that was…I was really spaced out or something.”

“Yes, you were. And without any pain. Well, almost. You want to know a secret? I almost couldn't go through with it.”

“You didn't like it?” John asked insecurely. 

“Oh , Johnny angel, it was fantastic, even more fantastic than I had thought. But I love you, and that sometimes makes it hard to be an evil Dom, you know? Besides, I was a bit scared of going too far. Chloe's been helping me; I don't know if you noticed. See, love, I just want to tell you that you`re not the only one with doubts. As long as we will always be honest to each other, that`s ok. You were beautiful, John. Absolutely perfect. Never doubt that, please. Don't beat yourself up, it's much nicer when I do that.”


	27. Chapter 27

LONDON, August 2001

Roger and Atlanta stood in the kitchen and looked out of the window, into the garden, where John and Nick had a heated conversation. Nick's current girlfriend was sitting next to him, bored.  
“I don`t like her. She's really not the brightest candle on the cake,” Beanie snorted contemptuously.

“Atlanta, please!”

“What? She's an absolute fool. What are they actually discussing?”

“Nick thinks before we announce the reunion, your father and I should officially come out as a couple. That's probably why there's a lot of stress with the current management, because they don't like it. They think we should keep it a secret. What's your opinion on that?”

“I don't think you should hide. That's stupid. At some point it would come out anyway and then it would look like you weren't standing by it.”

“Are you aware that people will bully you, insult you and attack you because of this?”

“Oh, you know, people told me that my dad is a brainless piece of shit who coked and drank his brains out and is only happy when he's fucking everything that moves. I don't think it's worse when they call him a cocksucker and ass fucker for a change.”

Roger was speechless for a moment.  
What kind of pitiful creatures would talk to a child like that?  
Plus, yeah, again he had to think of Anthony, who wanted to be a piece of shit so badly.

“Don't look so sad, Roger. I never cared what anybody else said. Daddy was always there for me, and I never cared about anything else he did. I thought most of his girlfriends were dumb, but they didn't want me around anyway. Gela was different, but I think she wanted Daddy all to herself and was jealous of me. You're not like that, and I'd rather Daddy be with you than bring someone like that stupid cow out there. You should take a nice picture of yourself and send it to the press.”

Roger took the girl by the hand.  
“You know what, bean sprout, that's what we do. We're gonna do it right now. And I need you in the picture. You think Nick brought his camera?”

“Nick is never without his camera.” Beanie grinned.

Two days later, the phone never stopped ringing. It was insane, really. On the kitchen table lay the Hello mag. The picture had turned out great.   
Atlanta, Roger and John in the garden, Johnny behind Roger, arms around his waist and chin resting on his head. In front of them was Beanie sitting in the grass, leaning against Roger's legs.  
The Duran management had completely flipped out, and Simon and Nick had fired them on the spot.  
There was a whole pack of journalists lurking outside the door and Roger felt uncomfortably transported back to the 80s.  
Mason, with whom they would have had a date for running, fought his way to the front door. John quickly pulled him in and slammed the door in the face of a particularly brazen reporter.

“Bloody hell, what's going on?, ” the Psychologist panted. “One of those idiots stuck his microphone under my nose. Why are they all here?”

“We are officially a gay couple, which is obviously a sensation. Plus, half the fucking world is calling to ask if this is a promotion gag or something. Man, it`s 2001, you'd think being gay wouldn't draw so much attention,” John explained while he led Mason into the kitchen. “Sorry, Mase, I'm afraid running's not gonna work.”

Roger just came out of the living room in a rage and slammed the phone on the table.  
“How did that stupid, arrogant fuck get my phone number? That son-of-a... Oh, hi, Mason.”

Mason grinned. “He's really cute when he gets upset.”

“Don't call him cute. He hates that.” John chuckled.

“Forgive me, I forgot. Evil Doms are, of course, not cute.”

“You both need some serious spanking, don't you?” Roger growled.

“Thanks, but no, thanks. I'm happy to give John my share. Joking aside, my friend, who has been bothering you?”

“Tony, this…what?”  
They both stared at him in shock.

“Tony called you?” John was horrified.

“Hell, no, not THAT Tony. Tony Thompson. He may be a brilliant drummer, but he's a homophobic asshole.”

“No, I'm sure he's not. He's a really good friend.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you tell your really good friend that I don't give a shit how many groupies you've had together, John! That bloody pisshead actually thinks that you only had threesomes with him to check out his ass. And his dick, of course. Your oh so good friend assured me, and I quote, if I knew John was a cock-sucking faggot, I would never have shared chicks with him. Funny thing. John, you never told me you`re into threesomes. Pretty sure I can arrange something, if you like.”

_What the hell, you idiot? Don't take your bad mood out on Johnny!_

He started to apologize, but John interrupted.

"I was drunk and on drugs. I know that sounds like a cheap excuse, but it`s a fact. Did you also use cocaine before you had fun with two, and I quote, really cute guys? At the club. Several times? Because people called here to warn me about you. Probably jealous cute guys. I don't think it's your place to hold my past against me.”

“He`s right” Mason nodded.

Roger started apologizing again when Atlanta came down the stairs.  
"I want to see Maribelle. Can you drive me over to her, dad? I called her. She's at home.”

Maybe that was a very good idea, Beanie staying at Maribelle`s until the press got bored and left them alone.

“I'm sorry people are so pushy, Beans.” Roger sighed. This was their home, for fuck`s sake, their private space. They should call the police and having the yard cleared of nosy reporters. 

“I`ll drive you, Atlanta. I think they won`t follow me, but they`d probably follow your dad or Rog.”

“Use the back door, Mason. We'll distract the pack.”

Forgotten was the thing about Tony for the moment as Roger took John`s hand and they went to face the press, while Mason and Beans sneaked out unseen.  
After they had answered a few questions and posed for a few photos, they politely asked the reporters to leave their private property.  
Much to their surprise everyone left in an instant. 

“Maybe we should have talked to them right away. They're just doing their job.” Johnny said when they were back in the kitchen.

“About Tony…” Roger started. “I`m really sorry. It`s not your fault that the man is an utter arse. He never liked me, that bastard. Called me a mediocre drummer, you know? I think that's why his phone call made me so angry. I admit, I don't like the idea of him seeing you naked.”

“That was ages ago! At least a lot longer than your experiences at the club. Do you think I like it that little fuckers call here and tell me how much they like sucking your dick?”

“Whoever called you, John, they lied. I had a threesome once, no, twice. But never at the club. Once with Danny and Jonah, and once... I don't know if that counts as a threesome, but it was with Chase and Bella. In the shed.” 

“What do you mean, with Bella and Chase?”

“Chase wanted to know what it felt like. I think it was a purely scientific interest. Bella wanted to watch, so…”

“You …are you telling me you fucked Chase?”

“Once, yeah.”

“And you're seriously upset that I had a couple threesomes with Tony over a decade ago?”

“No, what really bothers me is that he's a homophobic jerk.”

“I can`t believe you fucked Chase! And don't tell me anything of purely scientific interest. Nobody gets fucked in the ass for scientific interest, that's bullshit!”

“If this wasn't about Chase, I'd agree with you. But he's really this way, John.”

“You like an audience, I know that, but how important is sex with others? Do you need that? Are you missing something?”

“I don`t need sex with others, Johnny, and I wouldn`t need an audience either if you wouldn`t like it. But, be honest, Johnny, you do, you like an audience.”

“Don`t, Roger! You can't casually tell me that you fucked Chase and then change the subject! You fucked them all, damn it! Your so-called inner circle of friends, they're all your fuck buddies, yeah?”

“I had a relationship with Daniel and Jonah, John. Maybe just a play relationship, but it was still a relationship. And even if you can't or won't believe it, Chase was really just curious. He didn't like it very much, if that makes you feel better.”

“You're a cocky asshole right now, you know that?”

For the first time since that fateful day when Roger went through John's suitcase, John angrily left the house.  
When Chase of all people called a little later, Roger almost laughed out loud.  
“I heard you had a very turbulent day. Just wanted to let you know there's peace and quiet. No reporters, nobody followed Atlanta and Mason. Nice photo, by the way. Happy family, huh?”

“And we just had our first marital row.” Roger sighed.

“Really? When did you get married and why were we not invited?”

“John was really angry, and you know why? Because I told him about us. About that one time in the shed.”

“Well, thank you very much, I had almost successfully repressed that. Why the hell are you telling him this?”

Although Chase was actually pretty much the last person on the planet to talk about interpersonal problems, Roger told him about Tony`s call, how much he hated his fellow drummer and what that asshole said about John and their threesomes with several groupies.  
“ Well, and the whole thing ended with me talking about us. That is, no, actually it ended with John running out of the house half an hour ago in a rage.”

“Glorious, Rog! Didn't you tell him that it was purely scientific? A failed scientific experiment, if I may say so.”

“No one but you would call anal sex a scientific experiment, Chase Montgomery.”

“But he knows me. He knows how I tick. Besides, that was ages ago. Fix this, Roger Taylor! I don't want some freaky bass player standing outside the door and punching me in the face. He's got fucking big hands, man! I can't deal with such emotional dramas, I'm hanging up.”

Roger stared perplexed at the telephone for a while.  
Chase was simply unpredictable, something he should really know after all this time.

Frustrated, he set about cleaning up the chaos in the kitchen. An Atlanta-free day could have been spent more meaningfully, but no, Mr. Taylor had to be offended, the stubborn bastard.  
But it was his stubborn bastard, his beloved stubborn bastard.

So Roger cooked his favourite meal and waited for John to calm down and come home.  
His timing was almost perfect, because just as Roger was setting the table, he heard the key in the lock.

_Oh, thank goodness, my little spider monkey!_

John crossed the kitchen with big, fast steps and wrapped his arms around him.  
“You cooked coconut curry! It smells delicious!”

“Almost as delicious as you, Johnny angel.”

“Can we press the reset button, please? I overreacted.”

“Me too, John. I'm sorry.”

“I am jealous. And that's stupid. And I know it's stupid, but I'm still jealous. Not even of Jonah or Daniel or Chase, you know. More on...I don't know, your experiences maybe. I mean, you know how scared I was of anal sex, and Chase can just say. oh, I'm curious, go ahead. You are all so experienced and I sometimes think I can't keep up.”

“You don't have to keep up with anyone, John. You just have to be you.”

“I'm afraid I won't be enough for you.”

“I really thought we were long past this point, Nigel John Taylor. You are not enough; you are much more than that. I love you; can't you get that through that thick skull of yours?”

“They have all been to the Retreat, Roger, everyone except us. And they all meet at this club where I've never been and...you miss it, sir, don`t you?”

“Yes, John, I do. So do you. But we really had some important things to do, didn't we? Beanie, the band, all your registrations here, the house sale in the States…”  
They were interrupted by the insistent ringing at the front door.  
A glance through the kitchen window identified the visitor as Bella, because her car was in the driveway.

It looked like the emotional drama, as Chase had called it, was not over yet.

“Put another plate out, Johnny. It's going to be a long, interesting evening.” Roger sighed as he went to open the door.

Bella stormed into the kitchen like a wild dervish, her hair shining again in bright cobalt blue.  
“Sit down, you big lug, and listen to me! My highly intelligent, anti-social spouse is almost pathologically obsessed with the idea that he is to blame for your first fight. Do you have even the slightest clue what that means, John Taylor? It usually takes years for this man to warm up to someone, to give a damn about the feelings of others. Not because he's vicious. Feelings just aren't his thing. They're not logical, and anything that's not logical scares him, you know? But he loves Roger, in his own quirky way, and apparently he loves you too. He'll probably never tell you that because it's not logical, so I came here to explain my husband...oh, food! That smells pretty good.”

Roger, who had come into the room behind Bella, laughed softly.  
"Sit down, you lunatic! Take a deep breath. Chase called me when you were gone, Johnny, and I told him that I told you…”

“About the failed scientific experiment, I quote.” Bella snorted.

“Let's eat first, shall we?” Roger smiled.

It became a very fast meal, as both Bella and John seemed eager to have this conversation as soon as possible.

_Nothing really works as it should today. This should have been a romantic dinner._

Roger took John in his arms as they finally sat in the living room, Bella opposite them.  
He had had a similar conversation with Bella a few years ago, after a violent scene between Bella and Chase at the club that had left him deeply disturbed.

After this conversation they had decided to furnish the shed.  
What was to come now, he knew, was fierce.

“I guess I don't have to explain that Chase is a special person, right? Quite a few people think he's mentally ill. And maybe that is the case. He just can't stop thinking. He would like to sometimes, because it's just totally exhausting to think all the time. That's how we met; you know? I worked at this club for a while as a professional dominatrix. Chase had just read a book on SM, because Chase reads everything he can get his hands on. So he came into the club, stood up in front of me and said: I heard you' re good. I want you to help me to feel. I refused because what I thought was a psychological problem could not be treated with SM. So I gave him Mason's phone number.   
Mason and Chase became friends, and weeks later I met him again at a party Mason was throwing.  
To be honest, Mason is a really miserable psychologist, because he makes friends with all his exciting cases, who then of course can no longer be his clients. Anyway, Chase and I talked and I realised he wasn't crazy, not in the conventional sense. His constant thinking, his brain always working at full speed, simply left him no room for feelings. I felt kind of sorry for him. We met more often, for dinner or to the cinema, we went for walks and I tried to break this spiral of thoughts. Sometimes, more and more often, I succeeded for a short time. After we kissed for the first time, Chase gave me a half-hour lecture on biochemistry and hormones. Strangely enough, this was the moment when I knew that I had fallen madly in love with this man. And I knew it wasn't gonna be easy. The first years were very exhausting for me, especially concerning SM. Chase needed extremes. After our first session I cried because I almost beat the man to a pulp. But he was happy, John. I had never seen him so happy. I guess I don't have to tell you about subspace. Chase only gets there the hard way, the really hard way. And when he is there, he can finally, finally let go, give his brain a break. This only changed after Maribelle`s birth. This child taught him how to love. That hurt me a little at first, but in the end it made everything better and easier between us. What has remained unchanged is his need to experience things first hand in order to be able to analyse them. And that's why he came up with the glorious idea that you absolutely have to know what it feels like to be fucked in the ass. And of course it couldn't be a dildo, no, it had to be real. A real man, a real dick. And in his world, John, in the logical world of Chase Montgomery, what could be better than to ask Roger, a man he trusted, a man he liked, a man who knew how to do it? You should have seen Roger's face, man. That was really funny.”


	28. Chapter 28

“I don't think we have the same idea of funny.” Roger said, squeezing John`s hand.

“Well, John, anyway, what I was trying to explain to you is this: Chase has a lot of lists. Lists on which he has written down what he thinks a man should experience. Sex with a man was just one item on a list, you know? Something he checked off as no thank you. Of the three of us, I was definitely the one who enjoyed it the most, because I honestly admit the sight was pretty hot. Because I like to watch. And unlike my husband, it is not a purely scientific interest. Speaking of which, I am a little bit offended, dear ones. Last week my friend Chloe called me and told me some exciting things. So you went to a club, you spoilsports. Without me. That is absolutely unfair.”

John blushed.  
Then he licked his lips.  
“I was just saying to Roger, that ...well, I'd like to go to the London club with you. Or the Retreat. And as for Chase, Bella, I like him and it's never really been about him, it's just, I sometimes feel...I don't know, inadequate. You guys have already shared so much, and I'm still kind of on the outside. The inexperienced newcomer.”

Bella leaned forward and looked deep into John's eyes.  
"Seriously, John Taylor? I don't know anyone who's gone down this road as fast as you have. And I admire you for it. It took me years to admit to myself who I am and what I want. I know that everyone else has felt the same, including Roger. It is not about how much experience you have. It is about how sure you are of yourself. And I have never met anyone who is as sure of himself as you are. It takes a lot of courage to get involved in something completely new, and you dared to do it without hesitation. Look at how far you both have come in this short time. You live together, you take care of Atlanta, you work on a comeback as a band. And you have an unusual relationship. I have a not entirely altruistic suggestion. Faye looks after Maribelle from time to time, and she would certainly look after two girls. It's Friday and Atlanta is already visiting us. So how about I ask Faye to babysit our daughters tomorrow night and we go to the club. All together. The four of us. I don't know if you'd be okay with Daniel and Jonah coming too. Jonah will probably be there anyway, Daniel less so. His pub is open late on Saturdays. Should I ask Faye? Or would you rather be alone? Either way, Atlanta can stay with us for the weekend. Of course you can go to the Retreat if you prefer. But it would be a great pleasure for me to go to the club with you. And Chase would certainly be relieved that you don't want to break his nose.”

John thought for a moment. A very brief moment.

"Call Faye. I want to go to the club with you."

_Nice one, Johnny brat. How about my permission first, huh?_

When Roger showed his best friend to the door a little later, Bella grinned at him broadly.

"John took the reins out of your hands, didn't he? It amazes me a little that you allow this. That he can just decide something like that, without you having a say in the matter.”

“I will make that clear to him tomorrow evening, don't worry. And I think that's exactly what he wants.”

“Oh, I can hardly wait!”

“I can't wait either. Good night, dearest friend. Your visit came at just the right time and was just what we needed.”  
They hugged each other for a long time, and Bella hopped happily to her car, whistling.

Roger laughed softly. This little crazy woman, he loved her so very much.  
“Just you wait, my little spider monkey. I'll show you what I think of topping from the bottom.” He smiled to himself and started whistling, too, as he went back into the living room.  
John would have a really intense evening tomorrow.

Tomorrow, not today. Today everything would be flowers and icing sugar, the full dose of sweet vanilla.

John looked at him with an uncertain smile and fidgeted restlessly on the sofa.

Did he notice that you might ask your Dom first before you decided to go to an SM club?

“Pure scientific interest, I understand. I'm sorry I didn't believe you.”

“Enough apologies. This was supposed to be a romantic evening, you know? And do you know what people usually do on romantic evenings? Dancing. Not really dancing, more like making out and rocking your hips to the beat. I think we can handle that, don't you?”  
Johnny was so cute when he laughed.

Yes, Roger felt a little taken aback.  
He had actually planned to spend the Beanie-free time alone with John.  
Not in a club or in the Retreat, here, at home.  
Making music together, going for a run and taking advantage of the fact that John could be tied to the kitchen table and spanked.  
No wild stuff.  
And once again John's stubbornness had put a damper on his plans.  
You could let something like that pass once, but not a second time and certainly not on the same day.

This had to have consequences.  
But not now.  
Tomorrow.  
It's what he wanted, John.

The next day, however, they actually made music together and went running, even though John became more nervous by the hour.

After dinner Roger went to their small study and called Bella. There were a few things that were better discussed.  
Then he just sat there and thought for a long time.  
People who had nothing to do with SM might think that as a Dom you just had to shout and give orders. That you could just push other people around and use them at will. But that was not dominance. That was just being an asshole.

Their first visit to a club had gone surprisingly well, but this time it was different.  
People knew him there and yes, he had played with some subs. 

Actually it would be something similar to the thing with the photo in the newspaper. 

They had gone public as a gay couple, now they would show the whole London S&M scene that Roger and John Taylor were together as a Dom and sub.  
So Roger had to make several statements with this visit.  
First, that he was definitely off the market and that John was his.

Secondly, and this was clearly the more difficult part, he had to find the right way to make John understand that although he found his curiosity and enthusiasm for a club visit quite gratifying, it was his job to decide when and with whom such a club visit took place. It was also important that Johnny didn't feel that he had to compete with anyone there.

No, dominance was not shouting and giving orders. Dominance was damn hard work where a lot could go wrong. 

Roger sighed. It would be so much easier to stay here with John.

He smiled as there was a soft knock on the door.  
"Would you like a cup of tea?”  
“With pleasure, Johnny angel. Come on in.”  
“You know, I wonder when we'll be leaving?”

“That depends on how long you need. Sit down. I have to ask you something. You don't want to go to that club to prove anything to me or anyone else, do you, John?”

“No. Although... I want them to know we're together. People from this club have called me and told me things that aren't true. And I want them to see us.”

“Okay, I want that too. Do you want to go there as my sub or just as a curious newbie?”

John's eyebrows shot up.

“I'm your sub, aren't I?”

“Is that so? I wasn't quite sure, John. Because subs don't usually decide when and with whom you go to a club without at least asking, out of decency, whether Mr. Dom agrees. And since you have already so generously decided when and with whom, John, I want total control over how. When you have finished your tea, you will go upstairs and wash, inside and out. Meanwhile, I will choose what you will wear, and there will be no discussion. There will be no discussion tonight, John, about anything at all. You do as I say. If for some reason you can't, say your safe word. Or use this.” He opened a drawer and took out a small bundle of bells tied together. The kind that sometimes decorated gifts or chocolate bunnies. 

John stared at them in wonder.  
For a moment it looked as if he wanted to ask something, then he simply drank his tea wordlessly and left.  
See, so John Taylor could be obedient if he wanted to.  
Roger put the bells in his pocket with a smile.  
No, there would definitely be no discussions today.  
When the shower started upstairs, he went into the bedroom. After all, Mister Dom should be dressed suitable, shouldn't he?

Roger sat smiling on the bed as John came out of the bathroom naked.  
His smile was returned in the most beautiful way.  
"You look great, Roger. Sir. I...this is not a discussion, but I...should I call you that, sir? And what should I wear, you haven't laid anything out.”

“Yes, I did. Look closely.”

Next to him on the mattress were a few things. Things that, by any stretch of the imagination, could not be called clothing. Johnny's collar, of course. A very small leather thong, actually more a funny construction made of strings, which would not cover anything at all. A short piece of the burgundy red rope. And the ball gag.  
John swallowed violently a few times and his face colour came close to that of the rope.

“That's, uh... not exactly a lot. At least now the meaning of these bells is obvious to me.”

“As I said, John, no discussions. Come here, let me put the collar on you. The gag comes in when we enter the club. Down the hall hangs one of your long coats, which you will put on when we leave the house. Very nice, Jonny angel, I like that collar on you. Now the pants.”

“I wouldn't call them pants.” John murmured.

Half an hour later they were standing in line at the entrance. As always on a Saturday it was quite crowded and John pressed himself against him, visibly nervous.

“Where are Bella and Chase?”

“Already inside. They reserved us one of the playrooms. A VIP membership here has a few decisive advantages, especially when there is so much going on. Look where you are going, my love, sometimes there are shards lying around.”

“Hey, Rog! Long time no see!”

A tall woman dressed all in leather waved to them from further ahead in the queue. Suddenly everyone was somehow greeting and waving, although Roger was sure he had never seen at least half of these people before.

“You really know everybody here, don't you?” John became more nervous with every step they took towards the entrance.

“I rather think everyone here knows you, John . I know that one over there, the lady in leather, that's Sue, and I know the two behind us too, at least by sight. A few of them seem vaguely familiar, but most of them I don't know. So it will be the JT factor, Mister Sex God.”

“Nobody who wears such a silly leather thing feels like a sex god.” 

“I think it's pretty. Brings out your beautiful ass, and even more so your fantastic cock.”  
John didn't reply, but stared at his big feet again.

_I am beginning to enjoy this._

“If there is anything else you want to say, John, you should say it now.” They had finally reached the front door and Roger pulled the gag out of his pocket. The bells rang softly as he did so.

The doorman, Ray, if he remembered correctly, nodded and opened the door for them. Some had not been let in because Ray had strict orders. No strangers. Most of them had a paid membership, some came on the recommendation of friends whose names they gave at the entrance. Even if they did not all know each other personally, the London SM scene was small and manageable.

“So? Ready for the gag?”

“No, not really. But I don't have much choice, do I?”

“You always have a choice, John, and you always have the last word. Say you don't want this and we'll go home.”

“Which, to be honest, I would find totally regrettable. Excuse me, I did not mean to eavesdrop. Roger, it's so good to see you here again.”

Sue gave Roger a big hug and they stepped aside a little so as not to get in the way of those who followed.  
“The pleasure is all mine, Susie. May I introduce John, my gorgeous partner and sub? "

“Oh, of course you may. Although you don't have to, because I don't think there are even a handful of people here who don't know who John is. Sue Walton, nice to meet you. No one but Roger may call me Susie. Please, do not change your mind and go home. The rumour mill has been buzzing, and you should put an end to it. I have to leave you now, unfortunately, because I have a date with an evil, mean Dom who is very reluctant to wait, I hope to see you inside.”

“She is a sub? She looks more like the incarnate cliché of a dominatrix.” John wondered as they watched Sue rushing inside.

“Sue is not a bit submissive. She is the female version of Danny, and she has at least as much trouble finding a man who can handle her. Sue Walton eats little wannabe sadists for breakfast.” Roger chuckled. “How about it, John? We going in or we going home?”

“We're going in.” John didn't sound very convinced, but he bowed his head so Roger could put the gag on him.

"As long as your hands are not tied, which I will do sooner or later, as you may have guessed from the rope, you will raise your left hand instead of using your safeword if necessary. If you are tied up, I will give you the bells in your hand and you just drop them when something is wrong for you, ok?”

John nodded somewhat unhappily as he tried to get used to the rubber ball in his mouth.

“Take it easy, Johnny. I know this is unfamiliar and it doesn't taste very good. Breathe through your nose and try not to fight against it.”

_You stupid fool! You should have tested this before!_

Roger tried not to let his anger show while watching John closely.  
After a while John's breathing calmed down and he stopped pushing the rubber ball hectically back and forth.  
“Very well done, Johnny. Now give me your coat.”

Although the entrance area was by now quite empty, John's slim, naked body attracted attention of course.  
Completely naked subs were rare even here, and John was a magnificent sight, Roger was fully aware of this. It was part of the plan. John would not be able to hide anything.  
He attached the leash to the ring of Johnny's collar and whispered:  
"You're beautiful, John." How John tried to smile despite the gag was pretty much the most beautiful thing Roger had seen in a long time.

When they finally entered the club, John hummed through the gag. A sound that was obviously meant to show how impressed he was, because he looked around with big eyes.

This club was not only much bigger than the one in Brum, but it was also much more stylishly decorated. Cosy sofas, thick carpets, lots of candles. Despite its size, the room had a homely atmosphere, more like a noble pub than an SM club.  
Roger had to admit to himself that he missed this place more than he knew.

“Rog! Over here!” Bella stood up from one of the tables and waved.

With Bella at the table sat two other ladies. And in front of them, on the carpet, lay a tied up bundle, which on closer inspection turned out to be Chase. While John stared at the man, who clearly looked more like a very generously tied up handy package than Chase, Bella ignored him completely and instead introduced her companions beaming with joy.  
“This is my very best friend Roger. Roger, this is Claire and Janine.”

“Delighted, ladies. May one learn what the poor Chase did to have to spend his evening as a postal parcel?”

“A lecture on how to hold a whip properly. During a play. The dark master was not particularly enthusiastic about it.”

“The dark…oh, Terry, that dickhead? If anyone needs a lecture on how to hold a whip, this is him. Why can Chase lecture at all, I thought he was only allowed to enter these holy halls gagged?”

“I just took the thing off him for a moment so he could have a drink, and poof, he was standing next to Terry and making stupid comments. Even if he was absolutely right, you don't talk to people who are whipping someone.”

“With Terry it doesn't matter much, he misses the target anyway. Remember once he knocked down three candlesticks and almost burned the place down?”

“They have stocked up the fire extinguishers after.” Janine chuckled. “You obviously don't like this jerk any more than I do. And what has your handsome slave done that he is not allowed to speak?”  
John, who tore himself away from the obviously very fascinating sight of a tied up Chase, now stared at Janine.

Saliva ran down his angular chin, which he only now seemed to notice, because he swallowed violently, turned red and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“Stop it, John. I like it when you drool. Wipe it off again and I'll tie your hands.” He pulled the leash briefly so John knew he would move, then sat down next to Bella.  
"Sit on my lap, John." As soon as John sat, Roger began to play with his nipples almost casually. Very gently he rubbed his thumbs over the hard little knobs.

“To answer your question, Janine, he wears a gag because I want him to. Also, like Chase, he tends to talk too much.” Roger's hand wandered from John's nipple to his almost uncovered cock, and right, he was already hard.

“Bella, you won't believe it, but there are actually people here who call our house and claim that they had a threesome with me in this club, even several times.” His voice had become louder with every word, and he now fisted John`s shaft with slow moves. Even if not everyone present heard what he said, the bush drums would work and his words would reach the two morons who had called John.

“Mean little liars.” Bella snorted, slipped from her chair and started to untie her husband.

Johnny whimpered; his saliva was no longer the only thing that dripped constantly.  
“Do you know, my ladies, what the most ridiculous thing about it is? How conceited must these poor dwarfs be to think they can take on John Taylor? How can any puny sub think I would prefer him to John? Look at him, how beautiful he is. So beautiful. And he's mine. All mine. I own you, John. Everything about you is mine. And I want everything from you because I love everything about you. Your pain, your lust, your beautiful smile, even your drool. I love you, you stubborn bastard. Now come for me, come, give me your cum. Because it is mine too, John.”

And John came with a scream which the gag was not able to muffle the slightest bit.  
Almost simultaneously Bella had completely freed Chase and he was able to take the trembling John in his arms just in time as Roger gently pushed him from his lap. Chase released Johnny from the gag, waited a moment for him to calm down a bit, and then said, matter-of-factly as his manner was:  
"You see, stupid, that's the difference between a scientific experiment and devotion. I would even be inclined to call it love.”


	29. Chapter 29

_I wonder if Bella told him to say that_

Of course this scene had been arranged, even if Chase was not supposed to be a postal package.

Bella and Roger had thought about how they could make John understand that he didn't have to compare himself to anyone else, that his relationship with Roger was something quite different than just ticking off a list. 

Bella had also wanted John and Chase to get close to each other so that they both realised they had nothing to worry about. Chase didn't have to fear that John would punch him in the face, nor did John have to be jealous of their experiences.

Furthermore, in a few minutes the whole club would know what had happened here. With a few exceptions, SMers respected a D/s relationship. No halfway respectable dominant would go after a sub that was taken when the relationship was not merely for playing , and just as little would a real sub throw himself at a Dom who had clearly stated that he had an exclusive submissive.  
The exceptions that had no respect at all, such as those who had called John, were negligible as long as John would notice that most people here did not see him as the inexperienced newcomer he thought he was, but simply as Roger`s sub.  
Well, considering the fact that it was John, he would still be the bass god, the youth crush or whatever for a few, but here that would be irrelevant.  
The important thing was that everyone now knew that they were together and that nobody could come between them.

The magic of the moment was suddenly lost when Chase turned to Janine, grinning.  
"Under 15 minutes, I won!”

That was the last thing Chase said because Bella was really very quick and gagging her husband was one of her easiest exercises.  
"Sit down, super genius. You won't even roll your eyes, you understand? Otherwise you'll end up tied up on the carpet again.”

Roger no longer paid attention to those present, he pulled Johnny back onto his lap so that he sat astride him, his now gag-free face turned towards him.  
These pretty, still trembling lips had to be kissed, his tongue had to be in this wonderful mouth, and not an unpleasant rubber ball.  
Johnny was once again all spider monkey, his sweet, cuddly, beloved spider monkey.

The planned kick-off was over, the statement was set, what would happen from now on, he would decide more or less spontaneously, depending on John's reactions to what he saw. There were too many options, too many unknown things to plan such an evening in detail.  
They had a reserved playroom, which did not mean that they would use it. Maybe John wanted to meet some people, talk to other subs, watch others play. Maybe it was more important now that John felt he belonged, rather than having some wild session. That would all become apparent.  
At the moment he just wanted to kiss and hold the man he loved.

Over time, however, Johnny got a little heavy on him, because he might still be too skinny, but he was a pretty tall guy.  
“Beanpole, slip over to Chase, will you? I`ll get us drinks, yeah?”

“Huh?” John blinked at him in confusion and looked around briefly, as if he had completely forgotten where he was. “Oh. Okey, yeah, I…okey.”  
He moved over onto a free chair beside the gagged Mister Montgomery, still not quite in this world.

_I love it when he looks so wonderfully out of it, so there and yet not there, so...he's just so incredibly beautiful._

He stroked John's tousled hair before standing up. It seemed strangely difficult to part from John, even if it was only for a short walk to the bar.  
"So, what can I bring you guys?”

“That depends on whether it is ok for your slave that we drink alcohol here at the table,” said Janine, and Roger felt a bit uneasy about her calling Johnny a slave yet again. Only the fact that her statement showed respect for John prevented him from saying anything.

John himself did not seem to mind this word, this designation, in any way.  
"You can drink what you want, of course...eh....forgive me, what did you say your name was?"

“Janine. If you really don't care, John, I'd love a whisky. Claire, honey, why don't you accompany Roger and bring some nibbles with the drinks?”

Claire, who hadn't said much yet, also stood up and smiled brightly at Roger.  
Roger wondered if the two of them were a couple. He had never seen them here before and had been curious the whole time why Bella had brought them along. In any case, this had not been agreed upon. Knowing his best friend, there was a deeper meaning behind it.  
Did Janine and Claire have a relationship similar to his and John's? 

Normally Roger recognised a sub, male or female, and none of the women had given him such a signal.

“Well then, let's go.” Claire said.

While they waited at the bar for their order, Roger could no longer contain his curiosity.  
“You're a couple, right?”

“Indeed. We have been together for 20 years.”

“Quite a number. And, are you active in the scene? If the question is not too private.”

“Oh, after what you kindly let us see, I think you have some kind of right to ask such questions. It`s complicated, though. We are actually not a couple, but a trio. Janine and I are both dominant, and well, that wasn't easy for a long time. When you love each other and know that you are not what the other person really needs...well, it has been frustrating. Until we found Naomi five years ago. We had been looking for so long and had almost given up hope after many failed attempts. So much quarrelling, anger and tears on the part of all concerned. But then she came and moved in with us after three months. Crazy, isn't it?”

“Crazy is relative. John has actually been living with me since we first met again, which was in May. He went back to the States for a fortnight to settle his affairs and returned with his daughter. Crazy? Maybe. But it just felt right.”

Claire nodded understandingly.  
“Bella told us, yeah. If it fits, it fits, why wait?”

“So, another indiscreet question. Is there a special reason why you came along today? I have never seen you in here before."

“You'll have to ask Bella, she insisted.” Claire took the tray with their drinks while Roger went for the snacks, a plate of nicely arranged small appetizers.

Even before they had reached the others, Roger heard John laughing loudly and heartily, and he had to smile at that.  
As much as he liked all the moaning, screaming and begging that Johnny was capable of, his laughter remained one of the most beautiful sounds of all.

"You've got quite the crush, haven't you, evil Dom?” the woman winked.

“I`m madly in love and not afraid to let it show,” he winked back. “What is Chase fidgeting about?”

“My hubby is teaching your sweetheart sign language. I'll take the gag off you, Chase, so you can eat and drink, but at the slightest stupid remark it comes back in, understand?”

With a giggle, Roger slid into the chair next to John.  
“Are you enjoying yourself, love?”

“Oh yes! Chase can even talk you to death when he's gagged.”  
John bent down to his ear and whispered:  
"It doesn't look like an S&M club here at all. Where...I mean...there's no play going on, there are no...uh...things.”

“A lot of playing is going on down here if you just look closely. The things, as you call them, are upstairs. There's a public playroom and a few curtained-off rooms. You can choose whether to leave these curtains open or close them. But look around here first, John. What do you see?”

“An astonishing number of kneeling people. Would you like me to...”

“No. That is, yes, but I don't want you to do that because so many others are doing it. I want you to do it when you feel it. And right now you don't feel it. Go on, what else do you see?”

“That guy is not moving at all. At first I thought it was a statue.”

“This is Caleb. He has orders not to move.”

“"Which he won't last much longer. " Janine interjected. "He's standing on crown caps.”

“Ah…ouch.” John shuddered.

“And do you see the tall woman?” Chase asked.

“Sue! Yes.”  
“Sue is a Christmas goose. She has had her holes plugged. Except for the mouth... oh, ok, now that too. Man, look at that killer cock! How does she do that? With that talent, she could join the circus as a sword swallower, right? What, Bella? I don't lecture! I'm honestly impressed.”

“Be a little more quietly impressed. By the way, ladies, it's a pity you couldn't convince Naomi to come with you.” Bella said, throwing Chase another warning look.

“Who is Naomi? “John asked.

“Our sweet girl, our slave, companion, lover. You know how shy she is in front of others, Bella. She knows the members of your playgroup now, but here...too many people.” Janine explained.

“So that's how you know each other, from Bella's Femdom group.” Roger stated.

“Exactly. And Bella here thought the mention of a certain bass player might persuade our sweetie to join us tonight. But this shot backfired. She squealed, screamed that it wasn't the least bit funny to tell her such a lie and barricaded herself in the living room, where she is probably still sitting and listening to her record collection. Have you thought of a suitable punishment yet, Claire?” Janine grinned.

_They may both be dominant, but Janine is the boss, clearly._

“I...well...it's none of my business, but please, don't punish her because of me.” 

“Not because of you, Johnny! Nor for the fact that she didn't want to come. She's being punished for accusing them of lying.” Bella said.

“Ok, I understand. But still. I mean, until recently I wouldn't have believed it myself. That I would ever be in a place like this, with Roger, that... well, all of this.”

“You really are incredibly sweet, John. Who knows, maybe it's punishment enough that she didn't believe us, that she missed seeing what we got to see. But we have rules, you know. And one of those rules is that we all always tell each other the truth. A constellation like ours is not that easy, and you have to trust each other. Besides, between you and me, she likes to be punished.” Janine winked, and Roger was a wee bit surprised of her gentleness.

She seemed to like John a lot. Who could blame her?

“So, how does it work with you three? Isn't it... I don't know, exhausting?” John wondered.

“As Janie said, it's not always easy. I just explained to Roger that we have been a couple for a long time. But we have found that we are both rather dominant. Janine likes to be in control. I am more sadistic. Our relationship was much more exhausting before we met Naomi. It was hardest for her at first. Like most, she wanted a relationship of two, doubting that we could be more than three people who meet to play from time to time. But our girl loves rules, and she loves pain. Both in equal parts and to a high degree. Something that seemed to overwhelm a single woman in the long run. None of her ex-girlfriends, or Doms, or whatever you want to call them, could handle this strong person. She may be shy, but she is very demanding. A seeming contrast at first sight that confused many. We talked an incredible amount and looked for a way, and one day she just stood in front of the door with her things and announced that all the talking is useless, that sometimes you just have to jump.”

“Which she is definitely right about!” John grinned.


	30. Chapter 30

_Look at him, goodness. He sits almost completely naked in an S &M club and talks as if he has been here a million times before! I'm so proud of you, Johnny Angel! _

Janine and John seemed to get on exceptionally well, and Roger liked the calm, level-headed way the woman answered John's curious questions. 

Especially as he also found this unusual relationship very exciting. 

Not that he would ever share John with anyone, but it was always interesting to learn how eclectic their lifestyle was.   
People found happiness in different ways.   
Tony came to his mind. 

They said that somewhere there was a matching lid for every pot.  
Sometimes you just had to look for it for a long time, didn't you? 

A little annoyed with himself, he shook his head as if to dispel thoughts of Tony. 

He had to put it behind him. But that would be so much easier if Anthony hadn't just disappeared.

“I'm going for a smoke. Is that okay, John?”

He really needed to sort himself out, this was absolutely the wrong time to be thinking about Tony. It was unfair to John, because he deserved his undivided attention. 

Especially in a place like this.   
A place where he had been with Tony so many times....  
For fuck's sake! He wanted to go upstairs with Johnny later. For that, he needed a clear head with no ghosts of the past lurking around! 

“Of course, no problem.”

“Huh?”

“Go for a smoke,” John smiled.

“Uh, yeah, ok. Won`t take long.”

With the faint tinge of a guilty conscience, he picked up a whisky at the bar on his way to the smoking lounge.  
It bothered him that the room was so full.   
Two leather-clad doms were talking while a naked woman knelt between them and took turns sucking their cocks.

Three scantily clad ladies stood giggling in a corner and drank champagne. 

Sue sat on one of the chairs and blew smoke rings into the air.  
Ok, so much for thinking in peace.

"Hey, come sit with me," Sue beckoned.

“Has your date given up yet?” Roger grinned while he dropped into the chair opposite. 

“The poor guy needs a break. What about you? That was impressive, but surely not everything.”

“I want to go upstairs, but...this place brings back unpleasant memories, and I should get rid of them first,” he shrugged.

“I see. Tony, hm? Has he ever been found?”

“You all really know what happened, don't you? There is still no sign of life from him.”

“You know exactly how the bush drums work here. After all, you just pulled this stunt for that very reason, didn't you? To get people talking and to get the word out that Mister I'm Only Playing is taken. By the way, it's nice to see that you're finally in love again.”

“And yet I think of Tony, and yet I sit here drinking whisky, even though the man I love is an alcoholic.”

“You think. That's more than 99 per cent of these so-called Doms do.”

“ That sounds very bitter, Susie.”

“Experiences , Froggie. Maybe it's different with you gays, but among straight men there are a lot of guys who simply disguise their misogyny as dominance. Women should shut the fuck up and do what they are told.”

“That bad?”

“You have no idea.”

“Did you just call me Froggie? I had no idea you knew who I was.”

“Oh please, everyone here knows, Roger, and everyone knows who your sweet sub is. You shouldn't dwell in the past, Roger Taylor. Your lover deserves you to be in the here and now. With him.”

“You're right, Susie. And straight men deserve a chance, they're not all bad. The guy you're with seems okay. I saw the way he looked at you, and he's clearly totally into you.”

“And you are totally into the bass god. So go for it! Chewing gum? Covers your whisky breath.”

“Thanks.”

They smiled at each other.   
Yeah, it was about time to make this place his place again.  
His and Johnny Angel`s.

“See you later, Susie.” 

“Stop calling me Susie, you frog! Are you going upstairs? Because if you are, I'd love to watch. You gonna tell me what you're up to?”

“Do you know Clark? The man who makes these magnificent bullwhips?”

“Sure. I've got three of them.”

“Well, I got one now too. It's upstairs.”

“What poor John doesn't know.”

“What poor John is about to find out.”

“Oh, wonderful! ! I'll be in the front row when you leave the curtain open.”

“I'll leave that to John.”

Sue took him in her arms as they were already on their way out.  
“You're a sweet man, Roger. Sometimes I regret that you're gay a little.” 

Roger made a quick trip upstairs before returning to John.  
He had to check that everything was in place. It would be tedious to have to look for things in the middle of a session.

But Bella had, as agreed, prepared everything perfectly.   
He took the rolled-up whip in his hand, inhaled its smell. It had been a while since he had used one, but John's reaction to seeing Clark and Danny in the shed had been so obvious that it had to be a whip like that.  
John would be tied naked with his arms outstretched to the iron ring on the ceiling, just as Danny had been.

Roger laughed softly as his cock stirred at the thought.   
Now it was just a matter of finding the right start.  
Slowly and carefully or with a bang.

Lots of people were standing around the table. Most of them women.  
Sure. The word was out that John bass god/slash/ sex god Taylor was here.  
Roger watched the giggling and flirting from a distance for a while.

John was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.

_Mine!_

It was as if John sensed it. That he was looking at him, thinking about him. Their eyes met and it happened again. They seemed to connect, across the room. Roger moved his lips, counted silently, one, two, three, four, and John stood up and came towards him, as if magnetically drawn.   
No one stopped him.   
When John stood in front of him, he licked his lips briefly, his gaze a little uncertain.   
Then he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Roger's legs.

_Running jump yet again, huh, Johnny?_

“Ready to go upstairs, my angel?”

“Very much so, sir.”

Roger pulled him up and reached into his hair. The magic hair pulling always worked and John moaned softly, his body melting against Roger’s.   
it was suddenly strangely quiet despite the background music and the sounds from the play area.  
As if the world had stopped for a moment.

Roger stood on his tiptoes and kissed John hotly and deeply, then he grabbed the loop of the leash that dangled from the silver collar and led John up the stairs. Although there was a lot going on up here, lots of couples playing, moans and whip cracks, the sound of palms meeting hot skin, John's gaze was once again fixed on his feet as Roger led him across the room to the reserved space.  
They came to a halt directly under the iron ring.   
"Two questions, my love. Would you like me to close the curtain and would it help you to wear a blindfold?”

“No. To both.” The answer came quietly, but without hesitation.

“Good. Then a third question. Would you like to see the people who are going to watch us or do you want to stand with your back to them?”

“That's your choice, sir.”

“Thank you. Turn towards the room then.”

_John loves audiences. whether on stage or here. I thought so._

Somehow it was more crowded than it had been a few seconds ago, and Sue was actually standing as close as she could without being intrusive.   
Bella and Chase, Janine and Claire were also there.   
Roger fastened the soft leather cuffs around John's wrists and attached them to the iron ring.   
He became a little nervous when he realised that Daniel and Clark had also joined the audience.

_Danny has to work, and Bella is here too. Who's looking after the pub?_

As if the tall Scot had read his mind, he mouthed *Jonah* and Roger gave a small nod at that.  
It was a blessing to be surrounded by people who understood you, even if Danny's presence upset him a little. He had often whipped him in this very place, and certainly harder than he was about to do with John.   
He stood behind John and pulled his head back by the hair.

"Do you see Clark? Clark gave us a present. Do you want to guess?”

“Whip.” John breathed.

“That is correct. Do you want to feel it, Johnny? “

“Yes, sir. Please.”

“Your safeword? Say it loud enough for everyone to hear.”

“Fender. My safeword is Fender.”

“Promise me you'll use it if you have to. You don't have to prove anything to anyone here, John, do you understand? You don't have to play hero just because we have an audience. My safeword is beanpole, and I'll use it to let you know when I think we've both had enough, okay?”

John laughed a little shakily.  
"I didn't know that Doms had a safeword.”

“We can also be overwhelmed, John. We also need an emergency brake.”

He let go of John's hair and gently stroked his spine.   
"I'm going to show you Clark's gift."

Roger took a step back and stripped off his shirt. With a wink, he tossed it to Sue, who caught it with a grin.   
Then he picked up the bullwhip.


	31. Chapter 31

He let it whiz through the air behind John a few times, enjoying the way his lover flinched at the sound.  
“Can you smell it, angel? It will make you fly if you want it. Do you wanna fly, John?”

“Uh-huh.”

Roger put a hand on John's right ass cheek and stroked gently. Then the left. He alternately brushed his fingertips over the backs of both thighs, stopping above his knees, then touched his shoulder blades just as gently before he stood in front of him.   
The whip casually in one hand, he let the other wander over John's chest.   
Did Johnny realise that he was showing him where the whip would hit?   
His eyes widened as Roger's thumb rubbed over a nipple.

_Oh yes, he knows._

“There too?” John asked quietly.

“Trust me, love. I can handle this thing. Besides, I love your pretty nipples, I wouldn't break them, I would never do anything that would leave permanent damage.” Roger whispered into his ear. 

“I do. I do trust you. And I want this, Roger, I mean, sir, but I'm a little bit nervous, I must confess.” Johnny whispered back.

_So am I, John. But I'll be damned if I'm going to tell you that..._

"Your pretty cock doesn't seem very nervous, " he smiled and grabbed it firmly, giving the hot, hard, throbbing flesh a few fast stokes that had John on his toes and drew a long, howling moan from him.

That a little fear aroused John was nothing new, yet it fascinated Roger every time. At first it had frightened him, because he thought he saw something self-destructive in it. But John really just wanted to be pushed out of the plane, with a parachute. And to do that, they first had to reach the right altitude, didn't they?  
Almost reluctantly, he let go of Johnny's cock and stepped behind him again.

He remained motionless for a few minutes, looking at the beautiful naked body, blocking out the onlookers.

Start slowly or go all the way right away?  
This kind of whip was new to John, the pain it inflicted unknown. Not to be compared with the bare hand, a paddle or the short whip they had already used a few times.

This was really heavy stuff, and just because John had enjoyed watching Danny, it didn't mean he liked it on himself.

_Stop doubting. Just do it! You know him, you can read him._

“One, two , three, four, “ he counted loud and clear and struck. Once. Twice. A bright red cross blossomed on John's back. He made no sound, seemed frozen under the impact of pain, had even forgotten how to breathe.  
Roger had to look him in the eye. Again he went around John, put a flat hand on his chest.  
"Are you with me, angel? You need to breathe."

"Oooh! " With that breathed word, all air left John's lungs and he took a deep breath to fill them again.

"That's it," Roger nodded. "Talk to me."

"Yes. Yes, oh, good. That's...it's burning. Good. Good burn."  
The veiled gaze from John's pretty bedroom eyes said it even more clearly than his words did.  
John wanted more and Roger would give him more. 

Danny being among the spectators became a good thing, because he would watch closely and let him know if something was wrong, as long as Roger could not see John's face from his position.  
At the next blow John yelled, let go, accepted the pain. Because he allowed this to happen, his mind seemed to open up and let Roger in. The connection was there again.  
Now they were together. Everything else disappeared into an unrecognisable mass of sounds and bodies, became a soft background noise.

There was only Roger, John and the whip.  
Mad.   
Gloriously mad.  
The leather seemed to melt into Roger's hand, to become an extension of his arm, each stroke a touch, a hot, burning touch.

John's cries became a delicious whimper, each little sob accompanied by a soft, yearning *yes*.

Everyone was always talking about sub space, but Roger was pretty sure that there was also a dom space and that he was right there,   
He and John had become one, connected by the whip, by the pain. Their breath was one, their heartbeat was one, together they were formidable. Unimaginably huge. When Roger finally moved to John's front, he sobbed as his gaze settled on John's face.   
Angel. His beautiful angel, eyes tear-filled and smiling, completely out of this world.  
“Come for me, angel.”  
Quickly and precisely, the fine tip of the whip hit both nipples in turn.

Their eyes locked and John looked at Roger as he came, and came, and came, in endless thick white spurts.  
He threw the whip aside and took the trembling, heart-rending sobbing man in his arms. Only after he had unsuccessfully tried a few times to loosen the leather cuffs from the iron ring did he realise that he was also trembling and sobbing. 

Large hands were placed over his.  
"I'll do it. "  
Never before had the tall Scot's voice sounded so gentle.  
Daniel not only freed John, he also helped them both to sit down on the floor, where Johnny immediately crawled onto Roger's lap and clutched him as he always did.

Roger couldn't have said how long they sat there, in a puddle of John's cum, holding each other.  
At some point their tender, gentle kisses became more passionate, their exhausted gasps turned into demanding moans.  
Was it also Danny who gave him a condom and lubricant?  
It didn`t matter.   
What mattered were John's long fingers, which opened his trousers, put the condom on him, then prepared John`s hole. 

_He stretches himself, for me._

Roger could not for the life of him make sense of this thought.  
John had already started riding him when he really realised what was happening.  
He was fucking John, here, on the floor, in front of spectators.  
That is, it was actually John who was fucking him, who had impaled himself on his cock and was riding him like there was no tomorrow.  
Roger didn't care about any dominance, any power imbalance, Dom, sub and the rest of the universe.  
This was divine. Unexpected, but unbelievably sexy.

He gave a deep, throaty laugh as he came, along with John. 

John Taylor was indeed a sex god. Oh, yes!

This changed abruptly, however, when Mister Sex god came back down to earth after the truly orgasmic high.  
He had collapsed on Roger, covered in sweat, and was gasping for breath.  
"Are...there...still...people?"

"I guess so."

"Oh, God! I... oh, God. I don't know what got into me.”

“Whatever it was, it was fantastic.”

“Really? You're not mad or anything?”

Roger couldn't help it, he had to laugh.

John's chuckle sounded a little uncertain, but eventually they laughed together.  
It was crazy, totally crazy, but it was also by far the most beautiful thing Roger had ever experienced.

I'm, uh... I'm a little embarrassed. There wouldn't happen to be a back exit here through which we can sneak out?"

"Even if there was, Johnny, we're not going to do that.” Roger gently stroked the sweaty hair from his forehead.

“But I...I don't know if I can face anyone after...this.”

“You don't have to. You can look at your big feet again. “

“Oh. Right. Or maybe... could I have a blindfold now, please?”

“You don't need to hide, John.”

“But I'm allowed to look at my feet and I don't have to talk to anyone?”

“If that's what you want.”

“Thank you, Ro…sir.”

“Johnny?”

“Uh-huh?”

“You have to let me up, I have to get rid of the condom. Just sit here and look at your feet, ok? Can you do that?” 

“I think so.”  
Only hesitantly did John climb off him. Instead of staring at his feet, however, he knelt and looked at his hands folded in his lap. 

Roger tied a knot in the rather full condom and looked around for the nearest bin.  
Instead, he saw the people. Lots of people. Familiar and unfamiliar faces. Had there ever been so many people up here?   
Bella had Chase in her arms. Sue stared open-mouthed, Daniel winked at him with a grin and gave a thumbs up.  
There was an almost reverent silence. Even a couple of male Doms, who had so far been noticed mainly for their stupid gay jokes, had something respectful in their gaze.  
Roger nodded to those present and hoped that it looked somehow dignified.

Then the music started to play. Some incredible prankster must have thought it funny to put on Wild boys.   
It was Danny who was the first to start singing along. Suddenly they were all singing, laughing and applauding.  
Although John still had his head down, Roger could see the corners of his mouth twitching.

At last he spotted a bin and sank the condom with a well-aimed toss before holding out his hand to John.   
"Don't hide, John Taylor."

Johnny came to his feet on somewhat wobbly legs and out of nowhere Bella appeared and hugged them both, still singing along.   
Then she took them both by the hand.  
"Come on, you wild boys, bow your heads good. And then off to the shower."

.


	32. Chapter 32

It was Monday, a week after their visit to the club, which had already become a legend.  
Not just any Monday. It was the first day of school in the new home for Atlanta Noo De Cadenet-Taylor.  
Atlanta wore her school uniform and John a suit. 

The new students would be officially welcomed with a small ceremony.

“Uh. You both look really great. “Roger smiled.

“You look great too. Are we going? “Atlanta was really excited, but in a good way it seemed. 

“Come here, give me a hug, Beans.”

“You gotta come, Roger! The letter said students should bring their families.”

Resolutely, the girl reached for his hand.

_Family. I belong to her family._

John smiled his best smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

"You two!" Roger laughed softly. He was touched to death. 

So the three of them entered the imposing old school building, Beanie in the middle.  
"Man, this is huge. Where's the assembly hall now? Signposts would help." Johnny was obviously even more excited than his daughter.

“That way!” Beanie had found a sign with an arrow pointing the way to the assembly hall and a little later  
Roger and John sat side by side while Atlanta joined all the other new students on stage.

"She looks awfully grown up," John whispered.

"She's nine, growing up takes time."

"Soon she'll be making out with boys."

"Who knows, maybe she'll prefer snogging girls."

"I'd actually prefer that, to be honest.”  
His exasperated sigh made Roger laugh.  
"Whoever she's going to kiss, Johnny Angel, it's not happening next week.”  
“Who knows? They are so much faster today than we were back then.”  
“Calm down, John.”  
“I just want her to stay my little girl for a little while longer.”

“She will always be your little girl.”

“What if she falls in love with some asshole? “

“Then we'll go after that asshole together. We make an unbeatable team, don't we?”

“Roger?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you think it would be inappropriate for me to kiss you here?”

“Probably so, but I don't really care.” They smooched a bit until someone behind them cleared their throat loudly and with obvious displeasure.  
John wrinkled his cute nose.  
"Do you smell that, Roger? It smells like homophobia in here.”  
After quite a few welcome speeches and some singing by the school choir, the children were led to their classes and the parents of the new pupils had the opportunity to get to know each other over biscuits and tea.  
A whole new world for Roger, but his John would not let him feel left out.  
He did not let go of his hand, introduced him everywhere as his life partner.  
He looked at him in such love that no one could have the slightest doubt that they were a couple.  
Roger was almost bursting with pride. John Taylor did not hide. Not from anyone.  
He also realised that what he had said to John at the time was quite true.  
All his friends were either musicians, sadomasochists or both.  
Now the friend search scheme expanded to include parents.

_A stepfather is a parent, is he not? Atlanta may have a mother, but she's pretty far away. And I'm here. With Beanie and John. John and Beanie and me. Us._

He felt a slight pang of panic.  
What if he failed? As a father?  
Well, stepfather, but still...

A plump little woman beamed at him.  
"What grade is your daughter in? "

"Oh. Uh. Beanie's in 3c."  
"Benjamin is too. We just moved here from the States. My husband is American."

"So is mine. I mean, he was born here but has lived in California for the last few years and has dual citizenship."

"I have to say, I could do without the British weather. I'm Betty, by the way."

"Roger. Hi. That`s Johnny, my partner.”

Partner was a totally inadequate word to describe what John was to him. It sounded so much like a business partner.  
"My better half," he added.

To celebrate the day, they went out for dinner in the evening.

Roger, John and Beanie. A Family.

Atlanta settled in quickly. She brought friends home or was invited to classmates' houses.

Her best friend, however, was and remained Maribelle. And right after that came Danny.

Strange as it may sound, they really were friends. 

She shared Daniel's passion for playing football, and they had fierce duels in the garden.

This was also the case that day, when a ghost from the past appeared. 

John played goalkeeper and Atlanta led 3 to 2.

Roger sat in his little office doing some tax stuff. Every now and then he looked out the window and smiled.  
Life was good.  
Since the window overlooked the garden, he didn't notice the car pulling into the driveway.  
The person who got out of this car probably heard the noise at the back of the house and went straight into the garden.

The next time Roger looked out of the window; he almost had a stroke.

Anthony Manetti, as he lived and breathed.  
The man who had disappeared without a trace was just walking towards John.

Roger felt as if someone had poured ice water on him.

Cold, everything was cold and somehow numb. 

As if in slow motion, he got up and went down the stairs, opened the patio door.

"Go, Tony, you're not wanted here," Daniel just said. He had stood in front of John and the curious Beanie, blocking them from Tony.

"Please, Danny. I don't want to cause any trouble. I just want to talk to him, okay? "

"Who's that?" asked Atlanta.  
"No one, Hermione, that's no one. Go inside, honey, will you? Take your daddy with you.” Daniel said softly.  
“Tony!” Johnny gasped and went white as chalk.  
Anthony took two steps back and raised his hands in surrender.

"I am sorry. I really don't mean any harm."  
"What do you want, Anthony?" Roger tried to speak calmly, even though he felt like shouting. He didn't want to scare Beanie, or John, who was frighteningly pale.

"I came to apologise, Roger. I...can we talk?"

"I doubt you and I have anything left to say to each other."

"Yes, you do! You need to talk. You have to fucking talk. Listen to what he has to say, Roger. Please.”  
John, brave, wonderful John, held out his hand to Tony.  
"John Taylor. This is my daughter Atlanta, and I would be happy if we could keep her out of this, yes? "

"Tony Manetti. And I know who you are.”

“Well, I didn't know your last name, but I know who you are too. Daniel, why don't you show Beanie your pub? She's never seen a real English pub.”

"Oh, yes. Hagrid, please! I can help you too. Wash glasses or something. Dad used to wash glasses at the Rumrunner, didn't he, Roger? " Beanie slipped her little hand into Roger's and beamed at him.

Immediately his heart warmed.

She must have done it on purpose because she realised that something was clearly wrong.  
“That's right, Sprout. However, he was a bit older than nine.” Roger nodded and was almost able to muster a smile.

"Well, let's go, Hermione. I'll show you how to tap a proper beer. Your father has everything under control here.”  
Daniel lifted the giggling girl onto his broad shoulders and marched to his car.

_How true. Johnny has everything under control. Not me. I should be in control, shouldn't I? Hell, I can't even breathe right._

“Let's go in. I'll make some coffee and then I'll leave you alone.” John soothingly put his hand on Roger's arm.

He was so strong, so incredibly strong! White as a wall, but completely calm.

Roger felt like a complete failure.  
Dominant, my ass.

"No, John. I want you to be there. I...I need you with me." That was a fucking fact. He needed John; he couldn't do this alone.

"If you have a problem with that, you can leave right now,” he turned to Tony, finally able to look the man in his face.

“Whatever your conditions are. I told you, I don't want to cause any trouble.”  
Anthony smiled cautiously and Roger recognised the man he had fallen in love with years ago. The man who had been Tony before he wanted to be called a piece of shit.  
“You're back. I mean, you, Anthony Manetti. Goddamn it, Tony! What the fuck happened? Where were you? We've been looking for you, you know? Danny, Jonah and me. I knew you were looking for something other than what I had to give, but didn't I deserve at least a word of goodbye? A talk? Anything, Tony? “

Again John's hand was on his arm, squeezing gently.

"He wants to explain, doesn't he? Come on, let's go inside."

Roger and Anthony sat facing each other in silence while John made coffee.

Tony took a few deep breaths, gathering courage.

"I'm not sure where to start," he said quietly.

"How about the day you left me?"

"I ... had been answering ads for weeks."

"Ads? "

"From Doms who were looking for a slave. Who wanted extremes. Total submission, total obedience. A real enslavement. No, Roger, please don't interrupt me, this is important, okay? Let me tell you my story. I don't expect understanding or forgiveness, but you deserve the truth.”  
John wordlessly placed cups on the table and then stood behind Roger, massaging his shoulders.

"That night, just after you left for band practice, I got a call. He said I didn't need to know his name because it wasn't my place to call the master by name, and if I really were a real slave, I would leave the house now and get into the car parked in front of the flat. And that's what I wanted, wasn't it? To be a real slave.  
So I got into the car. The beginning of a week-long nightmare You don't need to know the details, but it was hell. A hell I had longed for so much. What's the saying? Be careful what you wish for.  
One night my dear master and his buddies overdid it a little bit. They thought I was oblivious, but I overheard them talking about the best place to dispose of my body. One of the men seemed to have a last shred of decency in him and he packed me into his car and threw me out in front of the nearest emergency room. And I mean that literally, he threw me out onto the street.  
Well, as you can see, I survived. Only later did I realise that I had spent almost two months with this sick maniac. The physical wounds healed quickly, but mentally I was a complete wreck. My treating doctor consulted a psychiatrist and finally I had myself admitted to a psychiatric clinic at my own request. I spent half a year there, met a lovely nurse, as vanilla as a meadow of flowers, and last month we moved in together.  
Leif knows my medical history, of course, he had access to the files, but he never pressured me to talk about it. It was clear to me that I didn't want to have anything more to do with S&M , I just wanted to leave it all behind, start over. But it doesn't work like that, does it? Don't misunderstand, I certainly don't want to live S&M again, ever, but after all, it was part of my life for a long time and it was a very fulfilling and beautiful part for many years.  
Leif and I were painting the living room, the radio was on, we sang along, then Late bar was on. I swear, they've never played that song on the radio, never, and you know it's my favourite song of yours. You were always annoyed when I played it. Leif said something like, oh, Duran Duran, do they still exist and I fell off the ladder. The past had caught up with me. Apart from a few bruises I didn't hurt myself, but then I told Leif that all this S&M stuff wasn't always evil and dark and cold. I told him about us and the more I told him, the worse I felt. I started looking for you and Leif helped me. I didn't dare call the old friends, Danny , Bella or Jonah. I don't want any more contact with the scene. I just want to apologise, Roger, I don't know why I lost all sense of reality, why this extreme attracted me so much. I almost paid for it with my life, and now I just want to spend the rest of my life in this little village in Wales, walking the dogs and growing old and grey with the man I love.  
I am infinitely sorry that I just disappeared like that, that I didn't get in touch. I wanted to forget. And I had to fall off the ladder because of your stupid song to realise that it wasn't you I wanted to forget."


	33. Chapter 33

Roger suddenly felt strangely calm. He couldn't feel sorry for what had happened to Tony, and that was terribly cruel, wasn't it? Still, he didn't think Tony had got what he deserved, but he had run open-eyed to his doom.   
Had sawn open the collar that guaranteed him safety and protection in order to give a complete stranger total control over him.

“You were never submissive, Anthony. You always wanted to control everything and everyone, and you definitely controlled me. You measured out exactly how much I was allowed to know about S&M and when I wanted to do my own research, you came up with this whole full-time-slave thing. But you can't, Tony. You are not a slave. So I am happy for you that you have found someone who has nothing to do with the whole thing. And I must be grateful to you for showing me this world. For showing me who I am. Thank you, Anthony Manetti.”

"Yeah, man, thanks!" nodded Johnny.

Tony smiled cautiously.  
"Maybe, sometime, if you like, come visit us, with the little lady. As a nice gay couple of parents, not as Dom and sub. We have a small farmhouse in Wales, with dogs and ponies and cats. Little girls love that.”  
He handed Roger a business card.

Anthony Manetti  
Landscape gardener.

"So you've actually started your own business."

"Yes, with Leif's help and that of various therapists. You have to make your dreams come true. The real dreams, I mean, not the ones that turn out to be nightmares. What about you, or should I say, you guys? Will I hear any new Duran songs on the radio soon?”

“Definitely. We are working on it.”

“Well, actually, we haven't worked on it very much so far. Maybe we should finally get serious.” John shrugged.

Just over a month had passed since Anthony's unexpected appearance.  
In the shed at the far end of the garden there was more sweat than ever before, and that was saying something.  
Tony Manetti, landscape gardener, had pushed the reunion.

Andy, sweating, put his guitar in the stand.

"No offence, John, but I need a beer. An ice cold beer."

Maribelle immediately dashed to the small fridge and opened a bottle.  
"Here, Andy." she beamed.

It was funny, both girls, Beanie and Maribelle, had taken a fancy to the grumpy guitarist.  
Maribelle Montgomery was practically living with Roger and John, much to Beanie's delight.

The two were like sisters and also an attentive, extremely critical audience.

"You were a bit too fast, Roger." Beanie put her fists on her hips and looked at him punishingly.

"Excuse me? I'm never too fast, Sprout!”

“Uh...yes. You were indeed a little bit too fast. Just a little, really. But still...” John blushed.

_Oh dear, we will have to talk about that. Johnny has to tell me something like that without blushing. He's not my sub here._

“All right. A little break and then we'll do it again. I'm sorry.”

“Don`t be, Rog. It`s been a long day. How about we order pizza? I'm starving.” Charlie rubbed his face with a towel.

Yes, it was sweaty in here.   
Roger grinned as he stood up and reached for a towel as well.

"Pizza sounds good. Come on. Beanie, we'll make a salad to go with it. Oh, wait a minute, I have to kiss your father first, huh?”

Atlanta giggled.  
Simon and Nick grinned as Roger stood on tiptoe to kiss John.  
Andy looked to the side sheepishly.

He still hadn't got used to them being a couple, and Roger was pretty sure he would freak out if he knew the true nature of their relationship.

Well, he would hardly know, and he would have to live with the fact that they were lovers. Period.

A little later in the kitchen, where he was making the salad with Beanie while the others sat in the living room. she asked:  
"Why does Andy have something against gays?"

"I think he just finds it strange that everything has changed so much. He used to be my best friend; you know. But when I told him I was gay... well, he couldn't deal with it. He's trying, Beanie. We just have to give him time, I guess. He's a nice guy.”

“Yes, I like him quite a lot, but if he keeps making such a sour face when you snog, I'll have to have a serious word with him.”

Roger stifled a laugh with difficulty in view of her seriousness.

"What about you, Sprout? Are you okay with us making out?"

"That's a stupid question, Roger. Dad has never been so happy. And healthy. And sober. And I love it here with you guys. I... I love you. It's kind of weird calling you Roger and I wanted to ask you...you're kind of my daddy, right? My other daddy. Can I call you daddy?”

The fact that Roger's eyes were moist was not because of the onion he was cutting.  
"I love you too, Beanie. I love being your other dad.”

Atlanta wrapped her arms around his hips and looked up at him, beaming.  
"Then you're Daddy Two now."

"It's an honour, Atlanta Noo Taylor."

"Any more beer?" a grumpy guitarist interrupted this intimate moment.

"In the fridge in the shed, Ands. We don't have alcohol in this house," Roger snapped.

"Ok, I'll have orange juice then. Doesn't do any harm for a change.”  
He winked at Beanie. "For you too, sweetie?”

“Yes, thank you, Andy. Could you tell the others that the salad is almost ready? Dad and I just have to make the dressing."

Andy's eyebrows shot up and he grinned.  
"I've got a better idea, little Taylor. Why don't you tell them and I'll talk to your dad here in private for a minute, okay?”

“All right. Then you might as well tell him not to look so sour all the time, Dad Two.”   
Bean skipped happily out of the kitchen and Roger watched her go with a smile.

"Daddy then, yes?" Andy chuckled.

"You got a problem with that?"

"Christ, Roger, don't be so snippy. I'm not blind. I see how happy you are, you and John and the little one. And I know how much you wanted to be a father. Please forgive me for still finding it a little weird. Come on, at least admit it's weird. You're about the last people on this planet I would have thought were gay. But you know, Tracey pretty much read me the riot act. I wanted to tell you I'm glad you guys are happy. And I'll get used to the snogging eventually, I promise.”

"Great, Andy, then get used to it really quick, because I'm kissing the man now," John's voice rang out and a split second later Roger was swept off his feet and embraced fiercely.  
"Honestly, she calls you Daddy? That's...oh God, Roger, isn't that wonderful? You..oh…” Hesitantly, John let go of him and looked at him uncertainly.  
"That's all right with you, isn't it?”

“He was so happy he cried, Tigger. I saw it perfectly!" laughed Andy. 

"I cut an onion." Roger muttered.

“Of course! “John nodded with a grin. "An onion. Because we're too dom...too cool to cry, aren't we? "

"Get plates and set the table, you pain in the arse." 

"Me? A pain in the ass? Now that would be something new!" Giggling, John opened the top wall cupboard.  
Roger gave him a hearty slap on the bottom.

"Don't overdo it, guys!" sighed Andy.

Late in the evening, a naked, grinning John crawled into bed with Roger.

“That was a distinctly beautiful day, wasn't it, sir?”

“I am not sir when Beans and Maribelle are sleeping next door. And I'm not sir when we're making music either, by the way. If I'm going too fast, you have to tell me, Johnny angel.” 

"It was really just a tiny bit too fast and no one noticed but me and Beanie.”

“I expect my husband and daughter to be honest with me.”

“I like the sound of that, sir...Roger, I mean, Roger. I don't mean to tease you or anything, it just slips out sometimes.”

“We have to be more careful, Johnny. Beanie's too young, she really shouldn't know.”

“Do you think Maribelle knows? About her parents, I mean? “ John wondered. 

“Bella thinks not. But who knows. To be honest, that scares me a bit. The thought of having to explain it to her at some point is...very unpleasant.”

“That's right. But I don't want to lie to her either, Roger.”

“We won't. We will not lie to our daughter.”

“Our daughter. Did I mention that sounds great?”

Roger sighed and pulled Johnny into his arms.  
You had to think about so many things when you became a father. 

And if he was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he was especially afraid that Beanie wouldn't like him anymore when she found out what they were doing.

Could you explain to a child the difference between violence and a consensual sexual inclination? 

_What if she hates me because I hit her father?_

The next day, Bella called to ask if she could arrange to meet her femdom circle at Johnny's house. And whether Roger and John would not like to keep them company.

"We had a heated discussion about whether the dynamic between a male Dom and a male sub is different from that between a femdom and a male sub," Bella said.” Which in turn led to Janine and Claire being asked if it wasn't different in same-sex relationships anyway. Well, there was a bit of a row. I think Claire, Janine and Naomi would be happy to get a bit of reinforcement about same-sex relationships. Also, it would be a huge surprise for Naomi. Please, best friend, say yes! Faye would take care of Maribelle and Beanie.”

“I don't know, Bella. We are in the studio all the time and tinkering with new songs.”

“Yes, and that's why you need a break. Relaxation. I told Yolanda, the cocky bitch, that you hit a nipple with the bullwhip and she didn't believe me. Proof it to her!”  
Roger laughed softly, Bella and Yolanda were favourite enemies, so to speak.   
Their respect for each other forbade them to hate each other, but they would certainly not become good friends.

"I'll talk to John, ok? "

"You're the Dom, order him!"

"And we both know that's not possible, don't we, Bella darling?”

His friend sighed. “Unfortunately not. But don't you sometimes think that would make life so much easier? We command, they obey. Man, that would be great.”

“I'm sure your hubby would give you a three-hour scientific lecture on that one.” Roger chuckled. “I'll call you back when I've spoken to Mister Bass God.”

None of their band mates complained when Roger called them all a little later to cancel the rehearsal for today. Probably they all needed a break after these very intense 4 weeks.

John watched him talking on the phone, fidgeting restlessly in his chair.

_He is so incredibly sweet when he is nervous. No wonder he is so fidgety. Apart from a lot of cuddling, not much has happened this month._

He was not sure if there would really be anything more than a discussion at this meeting. The ladies were not the problem, experience showed that women liked to watch gay men if they were let. But the ladies had their men with them, didn't they? And it was always frightening how widespread homophobia was even in their scene when it came to straight men.   
But the fact that it would be about S&M again today was enough to make Johnny nervous, even if they would most likely only talk about it. 

Well, there was the small matter that Bella wanted to prove to dear Yolanda that Roger could actually hit a nipple with a bullwhip, but he had wisely kept that quiet.  
He would make that dependent on the general mood.

Bella had asked them to show up about half an hour after the official start of the meeting, as surprise guests, so to speak. So they still had plenty of time to prepare for all eventualities. And it was always good to be prepared for everything, right?  
“Go take a shower, Johnny Angel,” Roger said after saying goodbye to Andy and hanging up.

He no longer had to explain to his sub that this included an inside cleansing.  
Just in case, huh?   
When John was gone, he made yet another call.  
“Garrison?”

_Oops! This is obviously not a business line, unless Mister Garrison is an employee, which I doubt._

“Good afternoon, Mister Garrison. This is Roger Taylor; may I speak to Anthony?”

“I'm sorry, Tony is away on business. Can I take a message?”

“You're Leif, aren't you? May I call you Leif? I'm sure you know that Tony was here last month and I just wanted to thank him because he gave me and my lover the push we needed. If you could please tell him, Leif, that we already have 3 new songs? "

“That will make him happy,” Leif said hesitantly.  
Roger was sure it was Leif, even if he had not yet confirmed it. 

"Thank you, Leif. Have a nice day.”

“Wait!” the man blurted.

“Yes?”

“I…uhm…I was wondering, would you like to come visit us next weekend? “

_Well, Leif is curious. That's good, isn't it? So why shouldn't we visit them?_

"I'd love to, Leif, I'll discuss it with John and get back to you , alright? It's very nice of you to invite us."

“Can I be honest, Mister Taylor?”

“ Call me Roger, please. And I even expect you to be honest.”

“I didn't believe Tony's story for a long time...that you and he were a couple. I thought he was making it up to protect his soul. Victims of sexual violence often do. They invent something to hold on to, a fond memory that never really happened. And often celebrities are chosen for this, people into whom one can project one's wishful thinking.”

“He told the truth, Leif. We were a couple.”

“Yes, I know that now. And that scares me a little. What if he misses it after all, even though he says he never wants anything to do with it again?”

“You need to have that conversation with Tony, Leif. What I can tell you is that he was very clear about it when he was here. He wants no more contact with the scene. And he said that if we ever come to see him, it will be as gay parents and not as a couple living it out.”  
It was not lost on him that Leif didn`t say S&M, or Dom/sub or anything, he just called it *it.*  
So Roger did the same, because he didn't want to overwhelm him.

“And when you visit us, Roger, you will bring your daughter with you and not play any funny games, yes?”

“I promise you, the only games we're going to play are badminton or football, all right? Because Beanie loves football.”

“Then I look forward to your visit.”

Roger thought about the conversation and realised that he liked Leif. And that for Leif he was probably also a ghost from the past.   
While he was still thinking about how impressive this man's honesty was, Johnny entered the room.

_Whoa! I`m one lucky bastard, indeed._

John was wearing his beloved leather trousers and one of his casual shirts, the long sleeves rolled up and enough open buttons to show plenty of chest hair.  
Together with that almost shy smile, it made him absolutely irresistible.

“You are stunning, JT!” Roger rarely called him that. JT.   
It was kind of a stage name. Fans called him that. But this time it seemed fitting.   
"Thank you, sir. Is that all right, can I go like this? I mean, I have no idea what the other subs are wearing, or if they're wearing anything at all or...”

“John, calm down! I told you, I don't know if there's anything going on other than talking, and it doesn't matter what anyone else is wearing or not wearing, because you are you, and you are mine, and I think you're gorgeous.”  
He stood up and pulled John into his arms.   
"And you know what the good thing about clothes is, Johnny angel? You can always take them off if you need to. Or when I order you to.”


End file.
